Category Archives: Eric

Blogging, Dawn, Derrick, Eric, FNSC, Geri, History, House, Jay, Jen, Jesse, Jill, Life, Sara, Shannon, Writing

Regression

March 9, 2010 Christopher D. Bennett 3 Comments

I haven’t been as active blogging lately. There are several reasons for this absence.

I have been spending most of my free time organizing the basement. When I completed this project I moved on to the upstairs. I am on the verge of being quite downsized. Hopefully this project will be completed next Wednesday. Or at least, I hope that the only room that I will have left to organize and downsize will be the office after next Wednesday. There is always a fair chance that I will just give up on the office and declare it a permanent disaster area. We’ll see how the other two rooms go.
When I haven’t been organizing, eliminating and donating I have been moving furniture around. True this doesn’t take much physical time, but it is emotionally draining.
I have been working on a personal facial hair project. For one 36 hour period, I wasn’t intelligent enough to put a noun against a verb in a meaningful way.
The last couple of Friday Night Supper Clubs have been emotionally draining. The night we viewed Free Walking at Jay’s apartment was a visceral experience. What a great movie! Then the Jucy Lucy replication Friday Night Supper Club was an overt failure that ended with My Great Shame. It took me several days to recover from that shame. At least Dawn got to become an auxiliary member of FNSC. She allegedly doesn’t even mind that it is a “Boys Club”. I will believe her when she makes a return appearance. Plus Trivia Night. Well, I can’t even begin to discuss how emotionally draining Trivia Night ended up being. Plus Trivia Night fell in that 36 hour period where I was a moron. However, Team Stache (Geri D., Willy, Jay, Jesse, Shannon, Papa Smurf and his wife) was an undeniable powerhouse. I only wish I had pictures to share so that you could relive the experience.
The cleaning crew (Jill) for my Oscars Watch had to work at her “real job” and got stuck in Minnesota. Therefore I had to do my own cleaning. The bed maker (Sara) also got stuck working her “real job” so I had to make my own bed. I tried to get that out with a straight face. Sara had to work, so I just shut my bedroom door and pretended that the room was how it was supposed to be. My kitchen crew (Jen and Derrick, well mostly Derrick) came through with flying colors though. Still, I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I should add that my neighbor joined the Watch and listening to his plan to get his life back together by finding a girlfriend so that he can have some self-esteem. Well, that was psychologically draining.
Perhaps the most important reason why I haven’t taken keyboard in hand and banged out some words is because during the move from one blogging entity to a different blogging entity, I decided to completely recategorize my blog. I started this process with well over 770 journal entries to review. Through this process I eliminated several journal entries. Things that I didn’t need any longer. Like videos that no longer existed or calls to donate to a “charity” that would lie and claim that your donation was tax deductible. I even broke down categories by people and I left the number of blog entries by the category. A quick glance down the left side of this blog will tell you who I seem to write about the most. Are you surprised that Jay is number 1?

A surprising side effect of my reading is that I think I might have regressed as a writer. I fear that I might have peaked and it is all downhill from here on out. Some of my writings in the not so distant past were clever, witty and dare I say it – brilliant. I fear if I was ever going to write a play for ACTORS that was going to revolutionize costumed (believe me I have tried – Geri D. will not let me put an all-nude play on her stage) drama in a meaningful way, I have missed my chance. Rather than eloquently crafting phrases, I now rely on cheap tricks (like my over reliance on parenthetical statements that makes me want to punch myself in the face almost as surely as if I had moustache) and broad allusions. I have surely descended into hack-hood. See, that isn’t even a real word. It isn’t like the old days when I used to invent words that are sure to be the next surefire hits in our lexicon. I can’t come up with a word so I throw out a dash and postfix and then I merrily go on my way.

It didn’t used to be like this. (I just don’t mean that I used to not end sentences with prepositions.) I used to be growing as a writer. For example, when I was in the 4th Grade I wrote the worst creative writing stories ever!! They were based loosely on a pet rabbit that most likely died due to my neglect. Only I stole some ideas from a few cartoons and movies that I enjoyed and out of my pencil and on to some poor dead tree came writing that was so dizzingly bad that it makes me want to vomit when I read just a few short passages:

When Fluffy found him he took him to Leo the Lion. Leo took care of him. Pucky told Leo his life story. Then he told Fluffy what Jack, Jill and Joan said. Fluffy said “I better get going” then he left. He hid in Raspberry Forest and said “By the power of Carrot Castle! I HAVE THE POWER!” Then he said, “Up, up and away and he flew off to find Joan, Jack and Jill. When he found them he landed and said, “Pucky sent me.” Superfluff said. “Let’s get that wimpy rabbit!” Superfluff picked them up and twirled them until they gave up and promised to stop picking on Pucky. Then he went after Swampfrog. When he was fighting Swampfrog he said a few words he shouldn’t of. When he returned he taught Pucky karate. When he stepped into the pond, Jack, Jill, Joan and Swampfrog were waiting for him but Pucky beat them up in 15 fish winks. Now everybody calls him The Karate Duck.

Fortunately I can still say that I’m a better writer than I was when I put that horrible drivel to paper. But I did slightly improve by high school:

Eric reached deep into his soul, past the candy wrappers and half-eaten bagels, to the insult department. Through the corridor with doors marked with signs that read “whites”, “blondes”, “Scott Kendall” and “dogs”. He opened the door that read: “The Mother of All Insults”.

The glowing light almost blinded him. The brilliant shiny box in the room was his destination. He opened the box and was greeted with a cloud of rolling smoke. He reached into the box and grabbed a piece of paper. Eric read the paper and he knew he had his death blow!

Back in reality Eric stared at the landing party and said… and I quote… “Huh, freaks of nature!”

He was puzzled when this didn’t break their morale. They were laughing at him. This was the Mother-of-All-Insults and they were laughing at HIM!

Chris looked at Eric and broke into another 5 minutes of laughter. Chris controlled himself and said, “You sir are our inferior. You call us freaks in an attempt to manipulate reality. We have evolved into a place of superiority over you!”

“Liar! I’m not listening to you!” Eric screamed.

“Scott. Who-o-o-o-o-o is this m-m-m-an?” Captain Punjab whimpered.

As you can tell, I have clearly progressed from the terrible wretch that wrote those words. I just hope that I am not regressing to that level again!

Andree, Baier, Blogging, Derrick, Eric, Geri, Jay, Jen, Jesse, Jill, Monica, Nader, Russell, Sara, Scottie D., Shannon, Willy

Proust Questionnaire Number Ten

December 17, 2009 Christopher D. Bennett 2 Comments

Proust Quote:
“Happiness serves hardly any other purpose than to make unhappiness possible.”

Confessions Question:
Your idea of happiness

Confidences Question:
My dream of happiness.

Proust’s Answer:
I am afraid it be not great enough, I dare not speak it, I am afraid of destroying it by speaking it.

That Proust sure was a coward. “I am afraid of destroying it…” But he was from France and that is a country that isn’t exactly known for its courage.

However, I think there is some truth in the quote that happiness exists to make unhappiness possible. I think it is closer to the truth to say that unhappiness makes the experience of happiness richer. I would also argue that unhappiness is at its lowest depth before happiness arrives. But happiness is a much more powerful (although frailer) emotion than unhappiness. A little drop of happiness blows unhappiness out of the water.

There is a misery questionnaire question where I will repeat this basic information, but I think in general terms, the greatest misery is in waiting for a certain thing to happen. The greatest happiness is when that certain thing happens. That certain thing might not ever happen, therefore a person sometimes has to come to acceptance.

There are certainly things that make me happy. One of them ends frequently with the phrase “Sweet dreams.”

I have two friends that are diametrically opposed on the concept of dreams. One friend believes that dreams are an intricate part of life. They should be held up and examined every day and they should be pursued with every breath of your being. If you call his phone, the voicemail message will tell you that you have reached, “Dreams, Incorporated.” It is not a real company, so don’t give him any money. You won’t get it back. But your money will help him pursue his dreams.

This friend’s philosophy on dreams would best be summed up by the Marcel Proust quote:

“If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less but to dream more, to dream all the time.”

The other friend thinks that it is pointless to pursue dreams because dreams can’t become reality. He once noted that he couldn’t “grow bat wings” in reality. All this talk about dreams is a humbug!

This friend’s philosophy on dreams would be best summed up by the Baltasar Gracian quote:

“Dreams will get you nowhere, a good kick in the pants will take you a long way.”

My philosophy lies somewhere in the middle. I certainly believe that dreams are worth pursuing. To not have aspirations or goals leads to somewhat of an aimless existence, but perhaps I don’t follow my dreams with the type of vigor that Friend One does.

If dreams are (what I think they are) our ideas of perfect happiness, then these are a few of my dreams:

Some of these are attainable dreams. Some of them are in the “bat wing” category.

To hear Jay say, “Want to come over and watch a completed version of Games 2 tonight?”
To hear Willy say, “And this is my beautiful wife…”
To hear Shannon say, “Wow! You organized that really well. If this is the caliber of person that Iowa State University produces, I should root for their athletic teams when they play anybody but my beloved UNI Panthers.”
To hear Geri D. say, “Opening night for the One Act play you wrote will be…”
To hear Jen say, “Maybe the dogs don’t like being dressed up.”
To hear Derrick say, “Yeah, Pink Floyd called and they want to open for us on our European Tour. I told them we would get back to them.”
To hear Jill say, “I think I have changed my mind… feet are funny, not gross!”
To hear Sara say, “I looked in the mirror and decided, I didn’t need that Hello Kitty humidifier.”
To hear Monica say, “I just don’t have room for all these paintings I have done. Here, take about 5-10 of these off my hands.”
To hear Baier say, “I really shouldn’t be that emotionally invested in a pro sports team in a city that is 3 hours away from where I live. I think I’m going to take that wasted energy and train my dog to be less racist. Perhaps research unicorn blood in my spare time.”
To hear Russell say, “I don’t even know why I ever even question anything you say about sports, politics, movies or life. Mr. Bennett, I am in awe of you. In the future, when you speak, I will sit silently and keep notes. It is my greatest fear that some of your wisdom will be lost to the following generations.”
To hear Nader say, “The new Harry Potter movie was pretty good.”
To hear Andree say, “Maybe I have too many televisions. 7 is a lot for 1 guy.”
To hear Scottie D. say, “I apologize for ever questioning your commitment to tenderloins. You may hit me one time.”
To hear Eric say, “Dogs are really better than cats. I don’t know why I couldn’t see that before.”
To hear Jesse say, “I’ve thought about it. Maybe I should worship somebody that actually gets some playing time during the Olympics, rather than that creepy looking Finch girl.”

There are more, but I might be on happiness overload just thinking on my dreams.

Bill, Black & White, Blogging, Eric, Formal Portrait, Jay, Jesse, Movies, Willy, Writing

Formulaic Catechism

November 30, 2009 Christopher D. Bennett

As the year is winding down and I am trying to set aside more time for photo projects I have decided to do something a little bit different with this Journal in the month of December. I’ve decided to reflect on the accomplishments and failures of this past year. The tool that I am going to utilize to do this reflection is the Proust Questionnaire.

I’m sure a few people are familiar with the Proust Questionnaire. It is often used in celebrity interviews. You will find it on the last page of Vanity Fair and at the end of interviews by the heinous James Lipton.

The Proust Questionnaire is named after Marcel Proust. I don’t know if anybody actually reads Proust, but I think just about as many people pretend to read Proust as pretend to read Joyce. He is widely considered to be one of the greatest authors of all-time. His life is best summed up by this line of dialogue from the movie Little Miss Sunshine:

“Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he’s also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh… he gets down to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, Those were the best years of his life, ’cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn’t learn a thing.”

But Proust did not create the questionnaire. The questionnaire was a a popular parlor game in Britain in the 19th century. It was taken by friends and families and the questions were meant to reveal something about the tastes, aspirations and personality of the person taking it.

Although this game died out at the the beginning of the 20th century, its spirit still lives on in the form of the quizzes and surveys that people fill out on social networking websites like Facebook and MySpace. An activity in which I never engage, so it might come as somewhat shocking to some that I am going to engage in this little experiment.

There are 35 questions on the Proust Questionnaire. Most likely, I will answer about 22 of those questions. I will pick out the 22 least interesting questions to answer and leave the other 13 answers to your imagination.

I do invite you to answer these questions as well in the comments section of this Journal.

However, while thinking about this questionnaire and some of the interactions I have had in the last few days I has reminded me of some photo projects I abandoned a few years back. It was definitely for the best that one of these projects was abandoned.

A few of you might remember some of these pictures and the nature of these projects from the old RMB Picture of the Day days.

The Labels Project

A Scene from the Woods

I hope you enjoy my self-serving look back on 2009.

Baier, Becca, Derrick, Eric, Geri, House, Jay, Jeff Daniel, Jen, Jesse, Nader, Sara, Scottie D., Shannon, Steve, Teresa, Ungs, Willy, Yin

Housewarming Invites

May 22, 2009 Christopher D. Bennett

I had a housewarming/birthday shindig on May 23. I made individual invitations for those that were invited. I’d like to share some of them.

2009 Birthday/Housewarming Party Invitation

Willy

The Kahlers

Nader

Sara

Shannon

The Roberts Family

The Hiatts

The Howards

Jay

Jeff and Yin

The Gorshes

The Baiers

Bethany and Rebecca

Casy

The Degeneffes

Geri

Geri requested a new picture of us be taken because she wanted a picture where she wasn’t looking at me as if I was the smartest person in the world. I guess I never noticed her having an expression different than what I’m used to seeing by the majority of people in my life…

Alexis, Becky, Carla, Eric, FNSC, House, Jay, Jesse, Linda, Scottie D., Shannon, Teresa, Willy

Friday Night Paint Prep Club – Part B

March 2, 2009 Christopher D. Bennett

More pictures from paint prep night.

I got those green chairs from my Aunt Linda to with a sweet white table she was throwing away. Those chairs are surprisingly popular. That is also Shannon showing off her taping skills.

Carla painting the bathroom.

Life Lesson: When working on a ceiling fan, don’t ask for the fan to be turned on when your heads are still in the blades.

Eric dumping out a bucket.

Eric taping it up.

Willy, Jay, Me, Becky, Shannon and Alexis.

Alexis and Teresa washing walls.

Becky and Teresa in the basement.

Teresa and Becky priming the cupboard doors.

Becky on curtain duty.

A stack of cupboard doors.

Another health amount of work had been accomplished. The house was ready for painting day.

Anders, Bill, Blogging, Eric, Faust, Jay, Jesse, Lowell, Monica, Movies, Willy

The Social Commentary Page

July 14, 2008 Christopher D. Bennett

There are companies out there that archive the internet. I came across a website that has been attempting to archive the internet since 1996. Strangely enough, it had archived some of my old college website.

I present to you parts of my old college website to give hope to other people out there. I apparently was quite a douchebag back then, but I’m much better now.

Let’s start with the timeline I posted of the history of the “film company” my friends and I had when we were in college. To this date, we have really only ever finished 1 movie. I see no reason why that will change in the future.

The Cheesedick Films Timeline (I wish that I was making up that name.)

· 1991

Stayin’ Alive: The Spurting script is written by Chris Bennett.
Acting greats Eric Hiatt, Jesse Howard, Anders Runestad, Andrea Bargabos and dance sensation Bill Wentworth sign on to the project. Cheesedick Films is born.
Town class cinematographer Andy Jacobson agrees to do the project. The Jacobson farm is picked as the set for film making history.
Filming starts on movie about the classic battle between good and evil, starring Eric Hiatt as a baster wielding psychopath. Pitchfork fight and shower scenes are shot.
Filming stops.

· 1992

The leaders of the Cheesdick movement take the year off to explore their feelings.

· 1993

Cheesedick founding members Chris Bennett, Eric Hiatt, and Jesse Howard are forced to go back to the movie making business by Charles Frederick Joseph Behm. They are joined by Kelly Wilson, Sean Clubine, and Chad Palmer in the making of a Robot documentary.
Script is written and shooting begins.
Laws are broken, people are offended, and shooting ends.
Editing is completed and it plays to rave reviews.
Idea for a relevant roundtable discussion show is hatched during a rousing round of Big Red Bat Homerun Derby. Nobody is positive if this surefire idea was hatched because of the camaraderie they felt while engaging in athletic competition, or if that was just the Casey’s Taco Pizza talking.
Jay Janson makes an attempt to revive Stayin’ Alive: The Spurting but his attempts fail thanks to the treachery of Jesse Howard.
Later that year, William MacAlpine and Corey Faust come into the Cheesedick Films family.
In Your Face host Corey Faust leads a crack team on a mission of corporate sabotage. Corey attacks the world famous bear from WHO’s Beat the Bear in front of a group of helpless fans.
Production starts on the first Cheesedick television show: In Your Face, with William MacAlpine as the Executive Producer, Corey Faust as the controversial show host, and Chris Bennett and Anders Runestad as the original guests. Alleged drug bust after shows first taping is diffused.

· 1994

Jay Janson becomes a full time member of the Cheesedick family.
Two short subjects are shot in one day. The first, The Death of Barney is the only creation of the Cheesedick library where a human character did not fall victim to man’s inhumanity to man. The second short, which remains untitled to this day, was a gripping morality play about what happens when you join a gang. This short contains the only scene where William McAlpine’s character dies.
An action movie entitled Sworn to Vengeance is scripted and shooting begins but is halted after it is revealed that William McAlpine can’t roll a log down a hill.
Early in the year In Your Face is taken off the air for creative retooling after the Peter Dragon Incident.
An idea for a picture about the games people play with each other in every day life is hatched during a rousing game of Risk among Paul B. Golden, William McAlpine, and Chris Bennett.
A documentary about three American men (Tim “the Dawg” Thornton, Corey Faust, and Chris Bennett) making a roadtrip to Hooters entitled Pilgrimage is shot in 2 days on a shoe string budget. Pilgrimage was praised for its used of eclectic camera angles that would later be copied by ESPN2 and various dance shoes.
Plans for a giant rabbit movie are scrapped due to soaring budget costs. Financial backers pull out when Executive Producer Anders Runestad can’t keep the budget under the proposed $12.15.
In Your Face triumphantly returned to the airwaves with the new set design by Executive Producer Jay Janson. Bill Wentworth joins the In Your Face team as the Associate Producer. Corey Faust returned as the controversial host and he brought Chris Bennett, Sir William MacAlpine (recently Knighted), and Jesse Howard with him as guests. The show once again ended in a firestorm after Chris Bennett and Jesse Howard walked off the show after a peanut butter—cream cheese blowup. Then Bill Wentworth walked off the show refusing to work with Scott Kendall. Corey Faust vowed to continue the show without them. The show has yet to return.

· 1995

The script for Games is completed in three weeks, starring William MacAlpine, Anders Runestad, Chris Bennett, and Jay Janson as a last minute fill in for Paul Golden.
Games is finished as a gripping suspense thriller that continues Cheesedick’s real to life filmmaking legacy. People start to wonder about the games that people play.

· 1996

Jay Janson, William McAlpine, and Chris Bennett complete Gratuitous Violence which is a short about a group of people that value money over human dignity and human life.

· Coming Soon from Cheesedick Films

The Best of Cheesedick: Real to Life Filmmaking.
A Recap of Man’s Inhumanity to Man
Stayin’ Alive: The Remake

Then I had a page where I wrote short snippets about my friends. Here is a sampling:

My “So-called” Friends

Remember George, no man is a failure who has friends.

—-Clarence the Angel

Lowell Davis

I believe that I met Lowell when we played for the Major Mets in the Boone Little League system. I used to bum rides from his parents to and from practice, and I guess Lowell was the first person I met that reminded me of myself. Or at least, how I was. We both had very conservative views, and both had very similar sense of humors where we took great pleasure in other people’s pain. We became friends fairly quick and we became locker partners throughout high school. However, around his junior year, Lowell started working at fast food restaurant that is sponsored by an evil clown. He graduated. He recently married Jamie Kay Pratt Williams and they are living happily ever after.

Dan Dill

Dan Dill is a story teller, the problem is that he is not a teller of STORIES.Our paths first crossed during Saturday morning basketball. We would play at 8 and he would be there at 7. He and Willy were the Saturday morning stars until I stepped onto the court. He looked at me and said, “What is this, some kind of joke?” However, I quickly showed him “what was up”. Dan is that guy that everybody knows: when he is single he tells everybody “How to handle a Woman”, but was domesticated rather quickly by his wife JoAnn. Dan was the last guy I ever thought would get married, but I think that he will make a great father to his son DJ.

Eric Hiatt

I believe I met Eric when I was in the ninth grade. The first thing I should point out is that Eric is the most talented musician I’ve ever met. Eric also has a very creative mind, but he also isn’t remotely normal. Eric probably could be a great sculptor or painter if he chose to be, but he has chosen to be a great percussionist. However, Eric has been misunderstood by most of his peers, thus he has had the rockiest road of us all. Eric chief interests are music, math, not holding a job, and education. Eric married Jennifer Waterbury. He joined the army, but now he is back and he is in the Christian speed metal band Shining Armor. Eric would like for it to be pointed out that he is an atheist and that he thinks the band name is less than stellar.

Paul Benjamin Golden

I met Paul about the same time I met Andy. Paul was the Baritone player in our local high school band. There’s not much to tell about Paul except that he and the truth have never been on very friendly terms and he likes to milk a joke for every last drop of humor it can get. Paul drives a Pontiac Sunbird and has a very good tenor voice. These two items must be related somehow. Paul’s hobbies include golf and bowling and he likes the musical Les Miserables. He was in the Des Moines Playhouse production of Guys and Dolls.

Corey Faust

So you’re curious about Corey Faust. Well, to look at Corey is to at first wonder why he isn’t down at the Greek House tapping the keg. However, once you get to know Corey you can only wonder, Why? I wouldn’t describe Corey as opinionated, but he does have opinions on subjects that people just don’t have a right to have an opinion on, such as citronella. This man just loves citronella!! I bet the man who invented citronella doesn’t have as much passion for citronella as Corey does. It’s a frigging bug repellent. What’s to care about? He also enjoys two games that I just can’t stand: golf and bowling. Yet, Corey is very easy to get along with and is very understanding and nonjudgmental person.

Monica Henning

Woodchuck, Monica, Monica, Woodchuck. Monica is one of the few people I know that hasn’t embraced the incredible medicinal powers of Woodchuck. She has gone so far as to write blasphemous messages in the dirt on my car about her hatred of Woodchuck. That’s alright, some of us fear Jagermeister as well. Other than that, Monica is just about the nicest person I know. She doesn’t get into your face about much except for her Astrology which she says is “so real its scary.” Sorry, Monica, but perception is in the eye of the beholder. If she’s not checking her horoscope, you can find her writing to the Bookmobile Man. Don’t ask, it’s a touchy subject.

Jesse Howard

In the Second Grade I moved from the Boonies to Urban Boone, which meant that I had to switch to the Page/Bryant school district. This is where I began my longest friendship with Jesse Howard. It all started in Mrs. Ford’s second grade classroom where we both got sick of hearing Paul Carstenson ramble on about how his dad takes him to their house on top of the clouds or hearing Terry Anderson tell stories about how his dad beats up ninjas. I’m not sure why we started hanging out with each other outside of school, unless it was mutually shared boredom. I really used to enjoy going over to Jesse’s because he had HBO and we could watch The Swamp Thing and he had an Atari 2600, WooHoo!!!. Then his dad (the greatest umpire to ever step onto a little league field) wouldn’t let me leave the breakfast table until I finished all of my milk, and it wasn’t so cool. Years later his dad came home drunk when we were there and told us that we were all “good guys” about a million times before passing out. Jesse recently was bound by the laws of marriage to Kelly Accuff. I had one of the greatest honors of my life bestowed upon me, when I was allowed to function in the capacity of Best Man in the ceremony. I’d always been the best man at every wedding I had attended, but somebody finally had the good sense to acknowledge it. I figured Jesse would get married though, he always listened to chick music.

Jay Janson

Jay Janson comes from Eastern Iowa, so he possesses one of those snotty Eastern attitudes where he thinks he better than us Central Iowa salt-of-the-earth-tyes. What he doesn’t realize is that his hometown of Cedar Rapids is a rotting cesspool and he was lucky to have gotten out of it when he did. For some apparent reason, he fancies himself to be quite a fighter, but only his pony tail and lack of acting talent resembles Steven Seagal. However, Jay is one sick, sadistic, brilliant artist. I met Jay in the 8th Grade, and my mom wanted to know why I was hanging out with this little kid. She couldn’t believe that he was a mere two months younger than me. A couple years later he moved back to Cedar Rapids and we kept up a correspondence that will one day be published in books of great literature. His chief interests are mixing drinks and finding things for a computer to do that other inventions have done since the turn of the century. P.S. He hates David Hume.

Scott Kendall

Well, what can I say about Scott “Buck” Kendall. Buck has never suffered from an excess of personality. During our high school days we had to constantly invent nicknames for him to give him some form of character. Buck was one of the first ones, but he was also known as the rabbit Slayer for the machete job he did on a couple of the cute little innocent fuzzy bunnies with his big powerful lawn mower. We also briefly recognized him as a minor (very minor) deity. He spent a summer as the God of Thirst. No man ever thirsted as much as he did, yet he constantly quenched it with the sugared mule urine known as Mountain Dew. Then he became the Wind Warrior for the surfing shirt he invariably wore, even though the closest ocean is about one thousand miles away. However, the surfing shirts were the crowning achievement of Scott’s fashion history. Before them was Rude Dog. Currently he owns 3 shirts: the Iowa Games shirt, his black and blue shirt, and that shirt that doesn’t suck too bad that Lynn picked out for him. Then Scott became the Toolbelt Man. Scott adopted this personality because his dad is the greatest carpenter since the one from Nazareth. Okay, maybe he is better. The man can build a sidewalk out of a 2 x 4 and some patience. Scott always claimed to be equal in the acts of woodworking with Papa, but we all knew better, mostly because Scott has managed to nail a board to his knee on a few occasions.

Anders Runestad

I met Andy Runestad probably when I was in the ninth grade. It was mostly over a dispute about whether or not Led Zeppelin was satanic or not. I don’t recall exactly what positions were held, but I’m sure that I was probably right. Our friendship blossomed when I began playing basketball every Saturday morning at 8. Andy was my ride there and we had plenty of time to get to know each other because after he picked me up, we had to wait 45 minutes for Lowell Davis to get ready. The thing we have most in common is our love for old movies and the Butthole Surfers. Andy is an English Graduate of Iowa State University and is currently employed by Computer Animation. He has yet to tie the knot, but he is one of the walking wounded and its only a matter of time before he and his girlfriend Carrie are bound by the laws of the State of Iowa.

William Wentworth

Bill is a man, I guess. I mean what do you call an individual with male reproductive organs, but won’t play tackle football. I met Bill when I was finally invited to play Saturday morning basketball. I would be walking through the hallways with my locker partner Lowell Davis when Bill would stop Lowell and inquire if they were still on for b-ball on Saturday. I was under the impression that Bill was some kind of great player considering how enthusiastic he was about it. Well, when I finally did play, let’s just say I wasn’t very impressed with what I saw. That doesn’t mean just Bill. They told me that we were just to pass the ball to William MacAlpine and Dan Dill and let them do the scoring. I told them that I didn’t come here to watch a game of basketball. Our contingent used to go over to Bill’s alot to watch movies or just to watch him hide his Guns’n’Roses albums from his parents. He used to drive a Ford Fairmont stationwagon, and we just beat that car into the grave. Bill attends Iowa State and majors in Journalism. His life pretty much revolves around comic books and the Chicago Bulls. His roommate is Scott Kendall.

Jeff Vickers

Jeff makes up exactly one half of the greatest paper towel football team to ever step on the field. I am that other half. What is paper towel football you may ask? Well it involves taking a roll of paper towels and covering it with tape. Then what you need is to get yourself a quarterback with a cannon for an arm and a receiver with hand like feathers but with a grip like a bear trap. If you put this together, call us. We’ll be ready to rumble. We still haven’t met the two person team that can play us to within 28. Jeff isn’t as popular as he could be: Why? He just doesn’t shut his mouth. He thinks he tells it like it is, and to some extent he does, but the truth will make you many enemies and very few friends. However, if you can stick it out, there is nothing better than a friend who thinks they tell the truth. When he doesn’t, I just take 3.8 seconds out of my busy schedule and beat him down marine style.

Sir William MacAlpine

If I have any friends that aren’t playing with a full “Go Fish” Deck, it’s Sir William MacAlpine of Leaf Road Manor. Willy, for one reason or another is obsessed with England and Scotland at the same time. I’ve tried to make him understand that the Scotch pretty much hate the English, but this seems to make no difference to Sir William. When he was in high school he looked like an army recruiting poster. His hair was invariably buzzed. Then when he made it into college, he just stopped shaving and getting haircuts. Now he looks like what Jesus would have looked like if Jesus would have been European. His chief interests are watching British comedies on Iowa Public Television, putting pennies on rolls of tape, and not going to class.

The moral of the story is that if you are heavily screwed up right now, there is still hope for you too.

Alexis, Art, Derrick, Eric, Holidays, Jay, Jeff Kewer, Jen, Monica, Movies, Sara, Suzie, Teresa

Memorial Day and the Crystal Skull

May 26, 2008 Christopher D. Bennett

Memorial Day wasn’t really meant to be a good-time-feel-good holiday. It was established to honor Union Soldiers that died in the Civil War and was first known as Decoration Day.

Regardless of its original intentions, this solemn holiday has become a chance for most Americans to barbecue and enjoy a 3 Day weekend. I’m not different than most Americans. I just wanted to have a good time on Memorial Day.

My day started out good enough. I watched 4 straight hours of Animal Planet with Alexis in the morning. Jay came over and we had tacos and nachos for lunch. Then we headed over to the Cinemark to catch a matinée of Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull with Derrick.

+++SPOILERS+++

Usually I’m not the type of person that gives away spoilers about movies. I want people to see movies on their own, but this is one movie that I don’t feel the need to protect any of its secrets. This movies is a piece of garbage.

I’ve alway been a big fan of the Indiana Jones movies. Sure Temple of Doom blows a little bit, but the other 2 are excellent. Crystal Skull is an insult to all 3 of those movies.

I didn’t understand why so many Star Wars fans were upset with the prequels that came out a few years back. True, they weren’t very good, but the first 3 Star Wars movies stunk as well. What was the big deal? Instead of 3 movies with terrible acting and writing now you had 6 of them. Star Wars fans should have been elated.

I still don’t understand Star Wars fans, (there are certainly much, much better science fiction movies out there, I refer you to the two that Stanley Kubrick made 2001: A Space Odyssey and A Clockwork Orange just for starters) but now I can relate to them a bit. I’ve seen a movie franchise that I love torn to shreds before my very eyes.

On Sunday when we were driving down to The House of Bricks Willy told me that Crystal Skull was not very good. I told him that I could handle it if it wasn’t very good, but I would not be able to handle one thing. If they tried to set up a series of sequels starring Even Stevens, I would be angry. I would leave the theater in a rage.

I should have seen the warning signs. Even Willy would be the first to admit that I have much higher standards for movies than he does. The dude loves Van Damme movies!

Despite my bold proclamations, I left the theater angry. In fact, I haven’t been this angry leaving the theater since I sat through the misogynistic propaganda piece masquerading as entertainment known as Sin City. I was madder than when I left the theater after Transformers. Another example of taking something I loved from my childhood and making it suck. Incidentally also starring Even Stevens.

The one good thing I can say about Crystal Skull is that they didn’t end the movie by setting up sequels for Even Stevens. They came close. They made you think that is what they were going to do. At the end of the movie Indy’s hat blows off a hat rack and rolls to a stop at Even Stevens’ feet. As he bends over to pick up the hat, Indy picks it up before him and puts it on his head. Me physically vomiting in the aisles was averted.

I suppose that I don’t have time to write on all the things I hated about this movie, because there are so many of them. I’ll try to keep it to just two.

ALIENS!!!!

Are you kidding me? Could Lucas and Spielberg not turn the last Indiana Jones movie into a science fiction movie? I now fully expect that the next Spielberg WWII movie to involve aliens in some way, shape or form.

CGI!!!

CGI has already, for the most part, ruined most summer movies. It was as if they had missed the point of the first three movies. They were an homage to old time serial movies and they were done with trick photography and stuntmen. Crystal Skull is an homage to the other 3 movies basically, only with way too much CGI. I should have known it was coming when the first shot of the movie features a CGI prairie dog.

My day was ruined from that point on and I don’t think that there was much that could have happened to turn my day around.

+++SPOILERS OVER+++

My day did turn around though. I headed out to Roland for Monica’s barbecue. The only low point of the barbecue was having Happy Birthday sang to me for the third time in 8 days. I’m glad I won’t have to hear that again for some time. Although Monica did make me a sweet Jello birthday cake.

I don’t really like getting presents all that much. Unless it is something the person has made, like a sweet painting or piece of stained glass or cake or rhubarb pie or a card.

Teresa sent me this birthday card.

There is the occasional exception. Sara got me this sweet gift:

The camera is 30 years old and still is in its original box. This will look great on my shelf of old cameras.

Animals, Eric, Monica, Music, Suzie

T Night

April 10, 2008 Christopher D. Bennett

I went over to Suzie and Eric’s for T Night. I was pretty sure that the night would conclude with Suzie conceding that she was too far behind in the race for Monica’s Friend of the Year 2008 that she should just do the gracious thing and bow out of the race.

Instead the night concluded with a rousing round of video games. I have not played a video game in multiple years, but if you look at the pictures below, you might find some photographic evidence of an event that might not repeat its self for several years. I believe the game in which we were engaged is called Rock Band.

Monica

The Band

Rock Band Cat

The Band

Jeff

We ripped up some Nirvana, Oasis and Radiohead.

Art, Eric, Suzie

Game Previews

February 29, 2008 Christopher D. Bennett

In my inbox at work today I found a couple new samples from the game that Eric and Suzie are inventing.

Metal Bull

Fire Tiger

They aren’t exactly as cool as a rat, but I still think that they are pretty cool.

Art, Eric, Suzie, Writing

The Future of Gaming

February 11, 2008 Christopher D. Bennett

I don’t know anything about the world of gaming, but Eric and Suzie are inventing a new board game. I have no doubt that they will do a bang up job in the creation of this game because it is something that they both hold a passion for and nothing in this world helps you see with more clarity than passion. Not even bifocals. Take that Ben Franklin!

I was privileged to view the initial piece of art from their game. I think it is pretty sweet, check it out:

Suzie even composed a little poem to celebrate my unshackling from the US Department of Education’s oar.

Paying less means spending more.
And sometimes knowledge seekers
can become the debtors’ whore.

It seems as if I am suddenly surrounded by poets and that is a good thing because I admire poets. I only wish I could be one.

Incidentally, anybody that knows a reason why I’m not worthy of a poetic tribute should keep said information to themselves. Things will correct themselves in due course. I will be worthy of poetic tributes in the future.