An altitude of -140 feet doesn’t seem ideal.

A limo driver holding my name up at an airport. I’m a pretty big deal people!

Santiago was the Man! He also took us back to the airport a week later.

We stayed at the Plymouth Hotel. I only have 4 things I look for in a hotel. #1. A bed. #2. Free Wi-Fi. #3. Free breakfast. #4. A good shower. It had 2 of the 4. But it did have a swanky retro vibe.

The closest I got to the ocean. I thought we would be back. I thought wrong.

I was told we would probably see boobs on the beach (by undisclosed person). I’m just bringing this up to cutoff the inevitable question about topless beaches I might get later. There were no uncovered boobs on the beach I saw. Sorry if this disappoints you.

The owner of this van is killing it. I mean that metaphorically. I don’t think they are a serial killer. But in Florida, you never know.

First Miami Beach meal at Sultan. Cost about $20. It was delicious.

Lowell and Tony really, really, really hate this thing. I think it is hilarious. Bad art, but hilarious.

Kim’s new hat.

That was like $16. It is Kim’s drink.

$10 with free refills. And it was Pepsi! Bingpot!

The raw material for nightmares.

The special wardrobe I bought for the Marlins game. 3 compliments on this outfit from strangers.

Whatever stadium the Marlins play in was okay. Not great, but okay. For a dome.

Seats were first row on the third base side.

So much amazing neon in Miami Beach.

This might have been my favorite meal on the trip. Cost was $15.

If I remember correctly, this is called Mount Miami.

So many micro cokes in this town. At an Italian restaurant on the Lincoln Mall. It was very fair. Costed about $30. Service was less than fair.

Computer Mine meeting.

There is a lot going on here.

Guess how much this cost me?

We never got to ride in Sexy Uber, but our Uber driver to the Cuban restaurant had 2 Jacquelines on the hook.

Did you guess $122? Then I probably already told you. It would have been more, but Carlos (the creepy waiter) forgot my dessert and Lowell paid for one of my sides.

Inside the Miami Beach Convention Center.

A German booth a couple aisles down. They had some creepy stuff.

Germans man.

Best outfit in the convention center.

The drink Derek is holding cost $21.

A tanned, bronzed god. With aching feet.

Sculpture across the street from the Plymouth.

I literally took this picture because I thought we were never leaving for the Cuban restaurant.

But we did!

Restaurant recommended by our doorman.

These shrimp stuffed plantain appetizers that Tony ordered were maybe my single favorite thing I ate on this trip.

A Cuban. I was going to try something else, but in the end, I love a good Cuban. I don’t think I have had one since the Cuban fries incident that happened in Indianola. I haven’t forgotten Andy. I’m close to forgiving.

Math. This meal cost $30.

I appreciate good bathroom art. Someday I may even tell you about the outhouse I found in Unionville, Iowa. If you have the guts to take it!

One of the side effects of the pandemic is that I forgot that smokers even existed.

Miami Beach from the beach. At night.

Inside the convention center.

This is the Computer Mine Booth Closet. It is a magical place. It is where the snacks are. It is where you hide from regressive weirdos that don’t think women should have the right to vote and that the wife’s job is to do whatever the man wants them to do… hypothetically speaking. However, to the disappointment of one customer, there is not a port-a-potty in there.

If you say so.

If you say so.

Another micro-Coke.

This pisses me off! You don’t put the Gambler in a corner. You don’t cover him with a ladder.

This mural was in Sweet Liberty where the sales team hosted a party. Free appetizers and micro-Cokes! The tacos here were one of my favorite things I had on this trip. Cost to me, yeah I already said it, free!

I ghosted on the party (well Tony saw me leave) to try to hit the Miami Beach Botanical Garden before we lost the sun, cause the closer you are to the equator, the earlier the sun sets in the summer, cause the earth isn’t flat. But by the time I got there it had closed and wasn’t going to open again before I flew out Tuesday morning. The humanity!

Although that sucked, it did lead to me visiting the Holocaust Memorial which was extremely powerful. Germans man.

That night I walked to a nearby Walgreens to buy some postcards (hopefully some of you have received them by now) and some ibuprofen. On my way back to the Plymouth I was nearly hit by a cop car stopping at the Abbey Hotel. A few of our staff were staying there. By the time the cop cars stopped showing up, there were 9 cars and a fire rescue truck. I’m not sure what happened, but rumor has it involved a few women fighting over the same man. I hope it was not Jacqueline1 and Jacqueline2 fighting over our Uber driver. The next day the couch in the lobby was covered in plastic and then the day after that it disappeared.

I just don’t see the connection, but I love it the same.

This empanada I ate at the convention center was by far the worst thing I ate on this trip. With a regular sized coke it was $11.

A computer mine competitor’s booth.

After the show, we tore down our booth. Within and hour, all of our crates showed up… except for one. We got them packed up and then we waited for the last crate.

And waited…

While we waited Amy was kind enough to bring us pizza so we didn’t starve…

And this thing… which she questioned why I photographed… beyond the obvious reasons… I photographed it to send a picture of it to Elizabeth as she is a noted cheese fiend… it is fresh mozzarella… Elizabeth thought it was gelato… which wasn’t the last time gelato would come into my life that night…

Then after 3 hours… the crate arrived… Not really. Tony walked around the convention center and found our missing crate just sitting there next to a bathroom and brought it back to us. While Tony is definitely a hero, I wonder if his crossing a union line might lead to a hit being put out on him by the Teamsters. I kept my distance from him just in case.

Outside of the convention center. But we weren’t allowed to go in those doors. We had to walk completely around the building to the other side. I know, times are tough.

A theater near the convention center.

After getting back to the hotel, I rested briefly and then went to a store to get some touristy stuff. A magnet for my fridge. More postcards to mail out. A couple stickers. One for my 2022 Log Book and the other I’m holding onto until I get new luggage. They also sold some sweet shirts.

I texted a picture of this shirt to Jen and she described it as classy. I agree with her.

Bought one of these for Tony cause they were in clearance and he asked me to pickup anything that said “Tony or Shannon”. Not that Shannon, but Tony’s Shannon. Tony’s Shannon does roller derby, which is badass. Ball is in your court not Tony’s Shannon.

Elizabeth mentioned gelato and gelato came to me. The universe looking out for me.

Sorry Elizabeth, no malts, only shakes.

I ordered Banana Nutella.

I’ve been hacking on the alcohol drinkers on this trip for spending $22 on a drink cause I’m cheap and I don’t drink alcohol. But this shake cost me $14. Hypocrite much? Maybe, but it was delicious. Although frankly more liquidy than an Iowa shake.

I wish I could take this home and put it in my yard.

Jeez lady, cover up, there might be a DeSantis voter in the neighborhood.

So much great neon in Miami Beach.

Goodbye Miami and the worst airport experience I’ve ever had.

Flying home, well right by home.

If you are from Boone, you are genetically programmed and morally obligated to take a train any chance you get. The Minneapolis airport.

I had 5 compliments on this shirt that Teresa made for me.

Saylorville!

Had to do some tenderloining at Ted’s Coney Island on the way home. $15.

Baklava!

Miami Beach – 2022