Category Archives: Derrick

Birthdays, Black & White, Derrick, Formal Portrait, Jen, Personal Photo Project, Sara

Personal Photo Project of the Week No. 16

May 7, 2010 Christopher D. Bennett 2 Comments

This is the first Personal Photo Project of the Week where I didn’t actually take the pictures. I just designed them. Sara was kind enough to take time off from her studies to come up and take these pictures that graced my birthday barbecue invitations.

These pictures are not presented in order of personal preference, but simply in the order that they were taken.

Personal Photo Project of the Week No. 16

Done Got Old Alpha

Done Got Old Beta

Done Got Old Gamma

Done Got Old Delta

Done Got Old Epsilon

Done Got Old Zeta

Done Got Old Eta

Done Got Old Iota

Done Got Old Kappa

Done Got Old Lambda

Done Got Old Mu

Done Got Old Nu

Done Got Old Xi

Done Got Old Omnicron

Done Got Old Pi

The theme for the invites this year came from an old blues song originally recorded by Junior Kimbrough, (I think) but was introduced to me by Buddy Guy on his album Sweet Tea. An album that I believe might have been a gift from a Sam Goody employee.

I’m not going to pretend that the song is a masterwork, but you never know where you will find inspiration.

Done Got Old

Well, I done got old,
Can’t do the things I used to
‘Cause I’m an old man

Well, I done got old,
Well, I done got old,
I can’t do the things I used to do
“Cause I done got old,

Remember the day, baby
That done passed and gone
When I could love you
Most all night long

But now things gone changed
And I done got old
I can’t do the things I used to do
‘Cause I’m an old man

I can’t look like I used to
I can’t walk like I used to
I can’t love like I used to,

And now things gone changed
When I done got old
I can’t do the things I used to do
Because I’m an old man

And I’m an old man
I’m an old man
I’m an old man
And I’m not the same
I’m a very old man

In addition to Sara taking the pictures I should thank her for loaning me the prop cane. Derrick was also instrumental (bad pun intended) in loaning me the unstringed, left handed guitar with real bullet holes.

After the photo shoot, Sara and I met up with Jen and Derrick and went to Wallaby’s for celebratory fried mushrooms. Something that I like to think is a tradition for us.

To answer two surprisingly common questions:

1. Yes, the white shoes were intentional. A lot of people have a problem getting their head around the white shoes, but believe me they were very intentional. Even Sara had a little difficulty with them. Her first few pictures she tried to shoot around them until I told her that they should be in the picture.
2. My favorite pictures are Alpha and Mu.

I ordered something like 75 prints and since I only have about 10 friends and I don’t have much use for pictures of me, if you show up to the barbecue and want an additional picture of Blind Dog Bennett, that might be arranged.

One last sidenote, the guitar is destined to be turned into a clock, but if it doesn’t become a timepiece, Derrick is going to set it on fire and smash it. After all, that is what Derrick likes to do.

Andree, Baier, Basketball, Becca, Bethany, Bill, Brog Frog, Candid Portrait, Derrick, Jesse, Music, Nate, Russell, Sara, Schmidt, Shannon, Vacation, Willy

Vacation Day 4 – Cotton Candy

May 5, 2010 Christopher D. Bennett 7 Comments

I was set on going back to the Cyclone State on Tuesday night after visiting Faust on his day off, but Bethany and Becca requested that I stay one more night. I had no plans for Wednesday (Sara’s attempt to convince me to go to Iowa City failed since she couldn’t produce a single credible theory on why it would be fun for me to sit around while she put stitches in a pig’s foot), so I agreed to come back to Eagan after my visit to Mankato.

Nate, Becca and Bethany live a couple blocks from a donut store by the name of Puffy Cream Donuts. After I woke up and showered, I hit the open road to Mankato after picking up some cream filled goodness at Puffy Cream.

When I got to Mankato I stopped at Target so I could buy some extra clothes for the extra day in Minnesota.

I arrived at the Faust home and we discussed potential new coaches for the Cyclones.

My dream has always been that Iowa State rights the wrong it made several years ago and brings back Eustachy. I know this was a pipedream, but there are several great options out there. It was exciting to think about what guy Pollard would bring to Ames to return the Cyclones to glory.

We went to Mr. Goodcents for lunch. I hadn’t eaten at Mr. Goodcents since the one in Ames closed down while I was still in college. The sandwiches are no longer as epic in scope as they were all those years ago, but it was definitely still very tasty and I wasn’t disappointed. Not like how disappointed I am with the horrible joke that is masquerading as Panchero’s across the street from the Computer Mine.

At 2:30 we walked over to Jackson’s school to pick him up. I got to admire some of his artwork and look around his school.

As we returned to the Faust abode, I checked my email on my phone. I wasn’t expecting any messages of great consequence, I was just trying to hammer out lunch plans for Thursday with Shannon, but then I got an email message from The Swell Season updating their Summer tour schedule. They are coming to 1st Ave in July! Hallelujah!

After further discussion about who Iowa State could get as a coach, Nicole came and picked us up to get cotton candy!

The residence hall where she works was trying to get the students to leave their dorm rooms by serving cotton candy, popcorn and playing approved music. I don’t know how well it worked on the students, but it worked on Jackson, Faust and I.

On the way over to Minnesota State’s campus, Jackson flexed the golden pipes and wowed me by singing along word for word with the Justin Bieber CD playing on the stereo.

A portion of the day was following Jackson while he ran through the hallways of the dormitory.

Jackson has yet to develop his dad’s patented “Leaning Weiner” shot.

Now I’ve been able to school two generations of Fausts on the court. Plus Faust and I did relive some old Saturday Morning Basketball memories. Including how he felt that he owned The Salmon on the court. Hmmm… two friends that think they own The Salmon.

Jackson nailed somewhere between 3-5 shots depending on how he retells the story.

Faust manning the popcorn machine.

Jackson and his Mr. Freeze

Fronting for the Cyclones in Maverick Country

Faust Knocking Down Cotton Candy Goodness

Shortly after we got back to the Faust Estate my phone rang. It was Jesse.

“We just hired a new coach. Fred Hoiberg.”

I was instantly pissed. Are you kidding me? We just hired some guy because he is super popular with the fan base even though he has NO coaching experience on any level. Was this the cheapest publicity stunt ever?

Full disclosure: I’m not and never was a ravenous Fred Hoiberg fan. He was a solid player and a nice story. His teams were okay and they went to the tournament, but they were not my teams and I could not stand their style of play. They were soft. I was and always will be a Dedric Willoughby fan. He actually won a championship. I’m sure if Pollard would have announced that Willoughby was the new coach and he was filling out his staff with Jacy Holloway, Kenny Pratt and Shawn Bankhead I would have jumped for joy. Hoiberg doesn’t do it for me like he does it for the grand majority of Cyclone nation.

Jesse and I vented our anger. Then Faust and I vented our anger.

I sent text messages to Baier, Bill, Russell, Andree, Derrick and Schmidt.

Bill wrote back:

“Fred? As head coach?”

“Yep.”

“Does he have any coaching experience?”

“None. Not at all.”

“Not good at all”

Andree wrote back:

“I guess he didn’t even entertain the idea of hiring Larry back. Well, here’s hoping Hoiberg’s NBA connections can help with recruiting. Was Pollard expecting another Paul Rhoads or something? He’ll be fired next year. This is a cheap move by hiring Ames favorite son to get fans off his back. Idiot!”

“It might be a popular move. I guess we can hope this works out.”

“Popular or not Hoiberg has some cache in Ames. Maybe he can sell to future recruits: “I got all the GMs phone numbers. If you got the chops, they’ll take my call.”

Then I got a call from Baier. We vented. Then I got a call from Russell. We vented.

Then I got a text from Schmidt.

“They are reporting The Mayor as our next coach.”

“I feel that we are worse off now than we were on Sunday with McDermott as our coach.”

“Typical Chris response that I expected!”

“Maybe he is a quick study.”

“We won’t know for three years. Its the Hall of Fame coaching staff!”

Then Derrick called. Of everybody I talked to he seemed the most optimistic that this might work. Although he had just got off the phone with Shawn and Shawn was extremely negative about this hire. But we didn’t get a full conversation because some customer came into the store and he had to “work”.

Faust and I discussed this move for quite a bit longer. Then I headed backup to Eagan.

Nate and I went to Houlihan’s for supper and then we came back to the house. I watched Weeds with Becca until about 2 in the morning and then I went to bed.

Much of my anger over the Hoiberg hiring had subsided and I was able to go to sleep rather quickly

Day 4 of vacation was still pretty great, despite the surprise Hoiberg hiring!

Baier, Basketball, Becca, Bethany, Bill, Derrick, Jen, Jesse, Jill, Nate, Schmidt, Still Life, Vacation

Vacation Day 3 – Guinea Pig Denial

May 4, 2010 Christopher D. Bennett 2 Comments

I woke up early on Monday morning. I’m not sure if it was the excitement of the forthcoming trip or if the rumors of Greg McDermott’s departure were so exciting to me that I was like a little kid on Christmas anxiously awaiting the chance to rip the wrapping paper off of his new Omega Supreme!

As I prepared for the trip (as much as I always wish that I was a night before packer – I am definitely a 15 minutes before leaving packer) I listened to the local sports talking heads Deace and Miller discuss McDermott’s departure to Creighton. Only they weren’t using words like “potential” or “possible”. They were talking about his departure as being a done deal.

I always liked McDermott. I hoped that he was going to get it done. While almost all of my other Cyclone friends had left the McDermott sinking ship, I was certain that this past year was going to be his season. He had two future NBA players on his roster. A capable veteran point guard. A pair of sharpshooters. A serviceable center. A bench full of athletic underclassmen.

However, it all went downhill very fast. I remember the moment that I knew that McDermott wasn’t going to get it done.

Jill and I had went over to Derrick and Jen’s to watch a movie. Derrick had called me earlier in the day to make sure that we were a “unified front” on being able to watch the Cyclones demolish Northwestern before we watched a movie. Of course we were a unified front!

The only problem was that Iowa State didn’t demolish Northwestern. In fact, they lost to a Northwestern team that was missing one of its best players.

This was a bad sign.

True many Floyd and Eustachy teams were terrible in the early part of the season, only to cohese and become a dominant force down the stretch. After all, the Elite Eight team lost to a bad Drake team.

Only one of the warning signs that McDermott was in over his head at ISU was the disturbing fact that his teams did not become better as the season went along. In fact, they seemed to get worse.

Even though my head knew that this highly touted team was going nowhere fast, I think my heart forced my mouth to utter the phrase “wake-up call”. Only this wasn’t a “wake-up call” for them. It was a wake-up call for me.

The season went downhill fast. A loss at home to UNI. Barely beating Iowa’s intramural team. Barely beating Houston. Lucca leaving in the middle of the season. 4 conference wins.

Then moments after the season was over, Brackins goes pro. Buckley and Hamilton transfer. The NCAA punish Iowa State for being Iowa State and doesn’t grant Gilstrap another year of eligibility.

It seemed like there was blood in the water. The only question was how would Pollard come up with 2.5 million dollars to payoff McDermott?

Only instead of dropping the axe on McDermott like he did on Wayne Morgan (despite Wayne Morgan having 3 straight winning seasons) Pollard gave McDermott a vote of confidence.

Then a month went by and it got weird. Two assistant coaches left. Colvin left. Pollard sent out two enigmatic letters. One to a kid telling him that he understood his concerns about the direction of the ISU basketball team, but his records indicated that the kid didn’t donate money to the athletic department, so bugger off. Then another letter where he blamed McDermott’s inability to keep players (including a finalist for Player of the Year honors that played for Syracuse this year – yeah that hurt to watch) not on McDermott, but on this generation of worthless kids. He started the letter by throwing Fennelly under the bus and ended it with some very fuzzy math. He tried to make the argument that kids transferring is an epidemic, but if you actually do the math with the numbers he provides, the average Division 1 school lost .5 kids to transfer in the last two years. Iowa State has lost 6. Now 7 with the transfer of Boozer.

Then Christmas came. Oregon hired Dana Altman. Creighton wanted Greg McDermott to replace him!

Not only was Iowa State not going to continue its long descent into irrelevance, it wasn’t going to cost us 2.5 million to go in a new direction. In fact, Creighton is going to have to pay us $800,000 for the right to take our problem off of our hands.

The only problem was that I wasn’t going to be in the state to hear the news. I was going to be in Minnesota.

However, I’m a problem solver. After I gassed up the car and picked up some needed supplies for the trip (two bottles of water, a bag of beef jerky and two Whatchamacallits) I texted Baier, Jesse and Schmidt and asked them to let me know when it had become official that McDermott was heading to Nebraska! Then I hit the open road.

I arrived in Eagan at about 11:30. Nate was the only one home and awake.

I had assigned Nate the task of finding us interesting places to eat at during my two day stay in Minnesota. He handed me a magazine with reviews of numerous Twin City restaurants. However, he noted that Bethany strongly favored eating at Chino Latino.

I found the review of Chino Latino. The review stated that Chino Latino served guinea pig! I was in.

After deciding on the dining option for that evening we piled into the car and head to Five Guys for lunch. We had a little bit of difficulty finding it, but when we did finally locate it, it was worth it.

Five Guys is a burger joint. The menu is simple and the food is tasty. I will definitely be going back.

They serve fresh cut potato fries. They put them in a cup, but they also fill the bottom of your bag with more fries.

A “hot mess” but in a good way, not in the Edie Sedgwick way.

It is usually busy enough that they serve you free peanuts while you wait in line.

They also let you know where your potatoes came from.

Simple menu and you get to add whatever toppings that you want!

Bags of Potatoes

Even though we were stuffed, Nate suggested that we visit a White Castle. I’ve always heard that their food is nasty, but I’ve never eaten at a White Castle and I’ve always wanted to try it.

To give our stomach time to process the goodness of Five Guys we headed from Edina to Apple Valley so that Nate could pickup and deposit his paycheck.

Nate banks where Bethany works, so I got to speak with her briefly. When her co-worker wasn’t butting in to tell me about his brother-in-law that used to play football for Iowa State. Only he can’t remember his name, but he rushed for 438 yards in one game. Some people you just have to let speak.

Next stop White Castle!

White Castle

Our sojourn to White Castle wasn’t adventurous and nobody would make a movie about it. We each ordered two sliders.

The hype about White Castle was dead-on! The food is absolutely dreadful. I can’t believe this place stays in business.

We took the rest of the day to rest before Chino Latino.

Jesse called and gave me the fantastic news that it was official. Creighton had given our basketball program the gift of a fresh, new beginning!

Nate called Chino Latino and made a reservation, but found out the sad news that in order to get the guinea pig, Cuy, you had to order it 48 hours in advance.

DENIED!

Luckily Jill was sort of able to provide some recommendations to me. Sort of.

Later in the night Bethany came home and we went over to her significant other’s house to meet up before going to Uptown.

While we were waiting for some people to get ready, Bill called to ask if Creighton had really hired McDermott.

“Yes.”

“Do they know that he had 4 straight losing seasons at Iowa State despite having the greatest homecourt advantage in the nation?”

“They don’t make them very smart in Nebraska.”

“True that.”

7 of us met up at Chino Latino. Beth, John, Becca, Nate, John’s friend Ben and Bethany’s co-worker “V”.

Chino Latino serves equatorial food. That means that the food comes from countries that are on the equator.

Nate really wants to order Fidel’s Capitalist Pig Roast at some point. Which is a teenage pig, if you are the type of person that needs labels.

The food was excellent. Once I saw the $45 price tag, I didn’t feel so bad about the guinea pig denial.

I rode back to Eagan with Becca so that I could see her new car and the cowboy joint where she currently works.

Near Chino Latino

Becca’s Favorite Store

This is kind of how it feels to be riding around with Becca.

Day 3 of vacation was an excellent day by almost all tangible measurement.

Basketball, Black & White, Derrick, House, Jen, Toby, Willy

Vacation Day 2 – The Tub

April 29, 2010 Christopher D. Bennett 2 Comments

On Day 2 of my vacation, 1 of my major accomplishments was getting Willy and Derrick together and moving a tub.

We borrowed my uncle Butch’s truck and picked up the tub from Toby’s backyard. The tub used to be a planter and since it was raining all day, the dirt had turned into mud.

We picked up the tub and dumped all the dirt out of it. We took it to a carwash and sprayed it down. This resulted in my person being almost completely mud covered.

It was worth it, because now I have a sweet tub to use as a beverage trough for the barbecue and perhaps as a dog tub in the future.

Later that night Derrick, Jen and I went down to The Machine Shed for dinner. On the way down to Des Moines, Derrick dropped a little bomb on me.

He asked me if I had heard that Creighton was interested in hiring Greg McDermott.

Really?

It isn’t even my birthday… yet!

Black & White, Derrick, Formal Portrait, Jen, Personal Photo Project

Personal Photo Project of the Week No. 12

April 9, 2010 Christopher D. Bennett 3 Comments

Perfectly Themselves I

Perfectly Themselves II

These pictures would end up in The Fail Trunk in my basement if they were any more than just digital images. However, because of the failure of these images, I have figured out the error of my ways and now know how to light Jen and Derrick so that I get the images that I want. Perhaps a re-shoot is in the future.

Baier, Basketball, Becky, Bill, Dawn, Derrick, Faust, Frank, Jesse, Linda, Nader, Robert, Russell, Schmidt, Toby

3Peat

April 6, 2010 Christopher D. Bennett

“This is the end,

Beautiful friend,

This is the end,

Of our elaborate plans, the end,

Of everything that stands, the end,

No safety or surprise, the end.”

– The Doors (The End)

Another college basketball season has come to an end. It is a sad, sad day. At least it is only 11 days to Iowa State’s Spring Football Game. 11 long days!

The end of another college basketball season means it is time to crown the champion of year 6 of the Roundball Oracles tournament pool.

This is beginning to sound like a broken record, but a few years back Pat Riley was man enough to patent the word 3peat. What he wasn’t man enough to do is actually 3peat. He came up woefully short in his attempt to win a 3rd straight championship.

Mark Wolfram is not Pat Riley. Mark Wolfram was man enough to be crowned the Roundball Oracles Champion for the 3rd straight year. It was a little embarrassing when a guy living in Taiwan won the first time. Even more embarrassing when he repeated last year. I’m not sure if there are words to express how embarrassing it is that he won for a third straight year.

Hopefully next year somebody will step up and snatch that crown off of his head. Could be you! Could be me! Although I’ll have to rebound from an extremely pathetic performance this year. At least I finished third and won ten bucks in the pool at work.

The Final Standings

1. Mark Wolfram (Taiwan Hoops) – 81 points

2. Nader Parsaei (Charlie Chaplin) – 79 points

3. Dawn Krause (Dawn’s Dunkin’ Dribblers) – 75 points

4. Frank Meiners (Frank’s Picks) – 73 points

4. Corey Faust (Always Go Top Shelf) – 73 points

6. Dan Dill (dan) – 71 points

7. Jason Baier (JLB) – 70 points

8. Robert Henning (Shot In The Dark) – 67 points

9. Nate Buckingham (Wade Lookingbill Allstars) – 65 points

9. Tim Peterson (Dominate Monkey) – 65 points

9. Linda Toot (JWB) – 65 points

12 – Derrick Gorshe (Derrick) – 63 points

13 – Jesse Howard (ISU Yes McDermott No) – 62 points

14 – Becky Perkovich (A169032477) – 61 points

15 – Corey Schmidt (TakeIt2ThaHole) – 58 points

15. Toby Sebring (Lickliter Is Out!) – 58 points

17. Russell Kennerly (i’m also transferring greg) 57 points

18. Christopher D. Bennett (I See Things) – 56 points

19. Jon DeWaard (Lono’s bracket) – 54 points

20. Bill Wentworth (Bill’s Bracket) – 53 points

21. Carrie Baier (Couragers) – 52 points

21 competitors was a new Roundball Oracles record for participants. 4 female competitors was a record for female competitors!

I am hopeful that next year, both of those records will be broken.

Black & White, Cousin Amy, Derrick, Formal Portrait, Jen, Personal Photo Project

Personal Photo Project of the Week No. 11

April 2, 2010 Christopher D. Bennett 2 Comments

No. 1

This picture is the first in a 6 part photo series. I don’t know if this was the exact pose that I wanted, but it is kind of a Gorshe family trait where they do something I really like in the test shots. A point that I will make again in 4 weeks when I post a picture that involves Jill and a fog machine. I’m not certain that this was a test shot because my memory isn’t what it used to be, but either way this picture will be the picture used as the first picture in this series.

Here are a couple of other pictures from this photo shoot:

Yesterday was April Fool’s Day. Today is World Autism Awareness Day. Cousin Amy sent me a reminder that to show support for the cause I should wear blue today.

Sam and Cousin Amy

You can bet dollars to donuts that I am wearing blue today. The day is still young, so if you aren’t wearing blue now, you can go home and change before you go to your Supper Club or whatever it is that other people do on Friday nights.

Animals, Black & White, Dawn, Derrick, Faust, Formal Portrait, Jay, Jen, Jesse, Jill, Movies, Music, Sara, Willy

The Story

April 1, 2010 Christopher D. Bennett 5 Comments

“You see the smile that’s on my mouth
It’s hiding the words that don’t come out
And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed
They don’t know my head is a mess.

No, they don’t know who I really am
And they don’t know what I’ve been through
like you do.”

-Brandi Carlile (The Story)

Most people know that I am a loner. I keep to myself mostly. Most nights I can be found sitting home alone working on my studies or my projects or watching my shows.

A couple of years ago Jay decided to give one of his friends the nickname “Lone Wolf”. I was quite shocked when this nickname did not come my way. Instead it was given to the social butterfly and vice-mayor William McAlpine.

I knew this was a dreaded mistake. If there was a member of the animal kingdom that best described Willy’s social agenda it was clearly the salmon. Chinook, steelhead, pink or sockeye. I’m not sure which one, but he is definitely a salmon.

However, I made peace with the slight because I don’t have a particular affinity for nicknames.

Then it happened. Jay came to his senses and stripped Willy of the nickname that he did not deserve and placed it squarely on my shoulders. The true loner.

Jay made me a mask and we had a small ceremony where the title was rightfully transferred to me.

I AM LONE WOLF!

However, something hasn’t sat right with me in the few weeks since I became Lone Wolf. I don’t doubt that I am the Lone Wolf. A quick perusal of my social calendar shows that I do little more than go to work and come home and sit on my couch, alone.

I don’t get many emails. I don’t write many emails. I don’t get many calls. I don’t make many calls. I don’t get many texts. I don’t send many texts.

I have 289 Facebook Friends. Not a single one of them can tell you my favorite color, my favorite movie, my favorite show or my favorite musician.

With apologies to Travis Bickle, “Loneliness has followed me my whole life. Everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There’s no escape. I’m God’s lonely man…”

I’ve learned to embrace this loneliness. In fact, Jill introduced me to a movie called World’s Greatest Dad. The core message of the movie is summed up near the end with the following voice over:

“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone.”

That is my philosophy. Or I should say, that is the philosophy of The Lone Wolf.

But even though I know without the foggiest doubt that I am the true Lone Wolf, it didn’t feel right. Jay unilaterally stripping Willy of his moniker and giving it away. That is a lot of power for one man to possess.

Therefore I am giving Willy a chance to win back his nickname. I have challenged the vice-mayor, the social butterfly, the salmon to a Lone-Wolf-Off!

The month of April will be a Lone-Wolf-Off between the true Lone Wolf and the Salmon. Winner gets the name! (But I keep the sweet mask either way!)

What is a Lone-Wolf-Off? For the entire month of April we will be tracking our social engagements. At the end of the month, an impartial panel (consisting of Jesse, Dawn and Faust) will determine who is the true Lone Wolf.

Therefore, I should point out that for the next 30 days, don’t be distressed if you don’t see me, if I don’t return your emails, phone calls or texts. I’m in full Lone Wolf mode. I will most likely return your correspondence on May 1 when I am celebrating International Worker’s Day!

Although I should point out that at some point in April many of you will be getting an invitation to my birthday barbecue in the mail. It is a well known fact that lone wolves like meat cooked over a fire and the antiquated feeling of using the United State Postal Service.

Last night I went to see Chloe and have dinner with Sara. Since it was my last social engagement for the next 30 days, we took a few pictures to celebrate my Lone Wolfness.

The Lone Wolf is a savage beast.

Insane Enough

But the Lone Wolf also knows how to keep it laid back.

The Lone Wolf – confident, but not cocky.

Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwl!!

On a sidenote, since this seems to be the year of nickname stripping, I also think that Willy is also in extreme danger of losing the nickname The Dance Machine.
Jen and Jill can assuredly attest to the following statement:
On Sunday, Derrick set my living room carpet on fire with the dance moves he busted off to the Norah Jones compact disc that was playing on my home stereo.

I would propose a Dance Machine Off between these two gents, but I think we all know that Willy doesn’t really dance. He just likes to pretend that he does.

Andree, Baier, Dawn, Derrick, FNSC, Jay, Jen, Jill, Movies, Russell, Sara, Willy

My Great Shame

March 25, 2010 Christopher D. Bennett 3 Comments

I cited a FNSC ending in My Great Shame a few journal entries back, but I never indicated what was My Great Shame. A few people already know about My Great Shame because I exposed those people to it. I’m not sure if I exposed them because I wanted them to share in my misery or if I was using this exposure as an excuse to continue in my shame.

However, I have been motivated by other people’s strength in the last few weeks to quit my shame. If Jen, Derrick, Jill and Sara can quit or work on quitting smoking, I assuredly could give up my shame. It is after all, not a physical addiction.

I witnessed some of the strategies that others have used to quit smoking. Cinnamon sticks. Only smoking at work. Not smoking at work. I tried in vain to step down with a crutch, but it didn’t work. I had to quit cold turkey.

It was My Great Shame, but I can proudly proclaim that I have been free of its demon clutches for three weeks now.

What is My Great Shame?

The Starz Original show Spartacus: Blood and Sand.

This easily has to be the worst scripted program to ever grace the airwaves. I’m pretty sure that it is written by junior high students hopped up on meth. It is a combination of 3 things: extremely bizarre and gratuitous sex scenes, extremely ridiculous bloody battle scenes and the most pathetically-written-profanity-laced-dialogue ever. The dialogue makes the dialogue in Games and Quietus appear that it was written by Shakespeare.

Despite the fact that it is beyond horrible, I couldn’t stop watching it and I was ashamed. I knew it was clearly beneath me and didn’t belong in the guilty pleasure category like Just One of the Guys.

The best excuse I can give for watching this wretched show was that I couldn’t wait to see what ridiculously stupid thing would happen in the next scene or in the next episode.

I wrote to Andree, Baier and Russell and told them about how I couldn’t stop watching this terrible show. At least Baier and Andree watched it and came to a similar conclusion as me. This was truly the worst scripted program in the history of television.

I decided that I wasn’t strong enough to quit cold turkey. I spent a Sunday watching Stanley Kubrick’s Spartacus and backed it up with Ben-Hur. I figured watching excellent historical drama would cleanse my palette and free me from the grip that this show had on me.

However, while I was watching Kurbrick’s Spartacus I got a text from Jill about how her dad loved Spartacus: Blood and Sand. She had rightfully mocked him for watching this terrible show. I didn’t think that this information would lead to a relapse for me, but it did.

On the Thursday of that week I was at Jen and Derrick’s house. Derrick told me that they were spending the upcoming Saturday with his parents. I was gripped with an uncontrollable urge to expose them to Spartacus: Blood and Sand. I grabbed their remote and loaded up an episode from the OnDemand menu. I fast forwarded through most of the episode and we watched the scene where Spartacus defeats Theokoles.

Then I just told them to ask Derrick’s dad about the show.

I walked out of their house knowing this terrible show was out of my life forever.

The previous Friday was the Jucy Lucy experimental Friday Night Supper Club. Near the end of the night I was aimlessly flipping channels when I came across the brand new episode of Spartacus: Blood and Sand. I told Jay and Willy that they HAD to see this show. Everybody should experience what might be the worst show in the history of television. I apologized to Dawn for subjecting her to such a thing as this show.

Jay and Willy agreed that this show was wretched but it had a certain lure to it. You do want to keep watching to see what extremely bizarre and terrible thing that they are going to do next.

Dawn “pretended” to get a text message in the middle of the show and left.

I woke up the morning following exposing Jen and Derrick to the show and felt terrible about being powerless against the dreadful allure of this awful show. My self-esteem took a beating. I looked in the mirror (not literally) and I quit Spartacus: Blood and Sand.

I walked away from the show that day. It has been 3 weeks now and I finally feel good about myself again.

Blogging, Dawn, Derrick, Eric, FNSC, Geri, History, House, Jay, Jen, Jesse, Jill, Life, Sara, Shannon, Writing

Regression

March 9, 2010 Christopher D. Bennett 3 Comments

I haven’t been as active blogging lately. There are several reasons for this absence.

I have been spending most of my free time organizing the basement. When I completed this project I moved on to the upstairs. I am on the verge of being quite downsized. Hopefully this project will be completed next Wednesday. Or at least, I hope that the only room that I will have left to organize and downsize will be the office after next Wednesday. There is always a fair chance that I will just give up on the office and declare it a permanent disaster area. We’ll see how the other two rooms go.
When I haven’t been organizing, eliminating and donating I have been moving furniture around. True this doesn’t take much physical time, but it is emotionally draining.
I have been working on a personal facial hair project. For one 36 hour period, I wasn’t intelligent enough to put a noun against a verb in a meaningful way.
The last couple of Friday Night Supper Clubs have been emotionally draining. The night we viewed Free Walking at Jay’s apartment was a visceral experience. What a great movie! Then the Jucy Lucy replication Friday Night Supper Club was an overt failure that ended with My Great Shame. It took me several days to recover from that shame. At least Dawn got to become an auxiliary member of FNSC. She allegedly doesn’t even mind that it is a “Boys Club”. I will believe her when she makes a return appearance. Plus Trivia Night. Well, I can’t even begin to discuss how emotionally draining Trivia Night ended up being. Plus Trivia Night fell in that 36 hour period where I was a moron. However, Team Stache (Geri D., Willy, Jay, Jesse, Shannon, Papa Smurf and his wife) was an undeniable powerhouse. I only wish I had pictures to share so that you could relive the experience.
The cleaning crew (Jill) for my Oscars Watch had to work at her “real job” and got stuck in Minnesota. Therefore I had to do my own cleaning. The bed maker (Sara) also got stuck working her “real job” so I had to make my own bed. I tried to get that out with a straight face. Sara had to work, so I just shut my bedroom door and pretended that the room was how it was supposed to be. My kitchen crew (Jen and Derrick, well mostly Derrick) came through with flying colors though. Still, I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I should add that my neighbor joined the Watch and listening to his plan to get his life back together by finding a girlfriend so that he can have some self-esteem. Well, that was psychologically draining.
Perhaps the most important reason why I haven’t taken keyboard in hand and banged out some words is because during the move from one blogging entity to a different blogging entity, I decided to completely recategorize my blog. I started this process with well over 770 journal entries to review. Through this process I eliminated several journal entries. Things that I didn’t need any longer. Like videos that no longer existed or calls to donate to a “charity” that would lie and claim that your donation was tax deductible. I even broke down categories by people and I left the number of blog entries by the category. A quick glance down the left side of this blog will tell you who I seem to write about the most. Are you surprised that Jay is number 1?

A surprising side effect of my reading is that I think I might have regressed as a writer. I fear that I might have peaked and it is all downhill from here on out. Some of my writings in the not so distant past were clever, witty and dare I say it – brilliant. I fear if I was ever going to write a play for ACTORS that was going to revolutionize costumed (believe me I have tried – Geri D. will not let me put an all-nude play on her stage) drama in a meaningful way, I have missed my chance. Rather than eloquently crafting phrases, I now rely on cheap tricks (like my over reliance on parenthetical statements that makes me want to punch myself in the face almost as surely as if I had moustache) and broad allusions. I have surely descended into hack-hood. See, that isn’t even a real word. It isn’t like the old days when I used to invent words that are sure to be the next surefire hits in our lexicon. I can’t come up with a word so I throw out a dash and postfix and then I merrily go on my way.

It didn’t used to be like this. (I just don’t mean that I used to not end sentences with prepositions.) I used to be growing as a writer. For example, when I was in the 4th Grade I wrote the worst creative writing stories ever!! They were based loosely on a pet rabbit that most likely died due to my neglect. Only I stole some ideas from a few cartoons and movies that I enjoyed and out of my pencil and on to some poor dead tree came writing that was so dizzingly bad that it makes me want to vomit when I read just a few short passages:

When Fluffy found him he took him to Leo the Lion. Leo took care of him. Pucky told Leo his life story. Then he told Fluffy what Jack, Jill and Joan said. Fluffy said “I better get going” then he left. He hid in Raspberry Forest and said “By the power of Carrot Castle! I HAVE THE POWER!” Then he said, “Up, up and away and he flew off to find Joan, Jack and Jill. When he found them he landed and said, “Pucky sent me.” Superfluff said. “Let’s get that wimpy rabbit!” Superfluff picked them up and twirled them until they gave up and promised to stop picking on Pucky. Then he went after Swampfrog. When he was fighting Swampfrog he said a few words he shouldn’t of. When he returned he taught Pucky karate. When he stepped into the pond, Jack, Jill, Joan and Swampfrog were waiting for him but Pucky beat them up in 15 fish winks. Now everybody calls him The Karate Duck.

Fortunately I can still say that I’m a better writer than I was when I put that horrible drivel to paper. But I did slightly improve by high school:

Eric reached deep into his soul, past the candy wrappers and half-eaten bagels, to the insult department. Through the corridor with doors marked with signs that read “whites”, “blondes”, “Scott Kendall” and “dogs”. He opened the door that read: “The Mother of All Insults”.

The glowing light almost blinded him. The brilliant shiny box in the room was his destination. He opened the box and was greeted with a cloud of rolling smoke. He reached into the box and grabbed a piece of paper. Eric read the paper and he knew he had his death blow!

Back in reality Eric stared at the landing party and said… and I quote… “Huh, freaks of nature!”

He was puzzled when this didn’t break their morale. They were laughing at him. This was the Mother-of-All-Insults and they were laughing at HIM!

Chris looked at Eric and broke into another 5 minutes of laughter. Chris controlled himself and said, “You sir are our inferior. You call us freaks in an attempt to manipulate reality. We have evolved into a place of superiority over you!”

“Liar! I’m not listening to you!” Eric screamed.

“Scott. Who-o-o-o-o-o is this m-m-m-an?” Captain Punjab whimpered.

As you can tell, I have clearly progressed from the terrible wretch that wrote those words. I just hope that I am not regressing to that level again!