Category Archives: Jay

Christmas Beanies

I hope you had a great and wonderful Christmas. My sister Teresa unloaded a new batch of beanies on me. I now have 7 new beanies. As it happens, while I was wandering around town last night, Fashion Photographer Jay Janson happened upon me several times and kept insisting on taking my picture with all my new beanies. Below is the result of his handiwork.


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Symposer

We are quickly approaching Jay’s annual wine tasting party known as Symposium. This event always lies on the 2nd Saturday in January. Interestingly enough, this also happens to be the same way that Patterson Dental picks the date for their holiday party. This puts Willy in a bit of a boggle, but he usually selects the side that will give him the most free booze.

Although I officially gave up the bottle over a year ago, I decided to bring a bottle of wine to the shindig. I sent an e-mail to Mr. Janson alerting him to the coming bottle so that he would know not to stock his bar with another bottle of the same ilk.

Jay wrote me back:

You know you needn’t bring anything to Symposium; your presence is gift enough. With the condition that you eat and drink to your desire and endeavor to make merry, leaving all burdens of strife and ill-feeling on the street below.

I told him that I couldn’t be held to such strict standards and was offended that my presence which was allegedly a “gift”, was only welcome based on certain conditions. I told him that I didn’t want to be held to any such standards and therefore my bringing this bottle of wine would make up for any shortcomings I had when compared to his arbitrary set of standards. After all, I really hate drunk people and certainly can’t be the best me when I’m around people that aren’t fun to be around.

He said, that I couldn’t buy my way into Symposium if I had a bad attitude. Furthermore, if I chose to bring a guest, they would only be welcome if he “approved” of them.

I still have chosen to try to buy my way into Symposium. I picked up a bottle of Country Road Red from the White Oak Winery near Elkhart.


01-01-08

You see, I can’t eat and drink to my desire. That is called gluttony.

I can’t endeavor to make merry. There are two definitions for the term “make merry”. One is to be happy or festive. The other definition is to make fun of or ridicule. These seem to be contrary concepts and being a man, I can’t balance this dichotomy in my head without making it explode. Does Jay want me to try and be happy? Well that is ridiculous. Happiness is not something that you can try to be. You can pursue happiness, but you can’t make yourself happy. Not when the dude next to you is drinking out of the spit bucket. Then he must want me to pursue the second definition. He wants me to make fun of and ridicule his other guests. What kind of a host invites one guy to belittle his other guests? I’m more than capable of doing this activity, but it isn’t something I want to do. Unless that dude is drinking out of the spit bucket again.

Then finally, he wants me to leave all burdens of strife and ill-feeling on the street below. Why does it matter? For starters, I can’t leave my burdens behind. They are part of who I am and if Jay doesn’t want the real me there, why did I get an invitation in the first place? As for the ill-feelings, I’m going to need those ill-feelings when I’m making merry on McAlpine for wearing a watch that doesn’t work because he thinks it looks cool. Why do they have to be left on the street? Is this even physically possible? Is there a ceremony that you perform to do such a thing any way?

Since I can’t live up to Jay’s conditions, (who makes conditions on their friends any way, whatever happened to unconditional love?) I am using my bottle of wine as my “License to be a Dick”. Isn’t that what most people consider alcohol to be any way?

Kentucky Fried Methodist

I’m not sure how the subject came about, but one day I was talking to Shannon and she revealed to me her extreme disdain for the cross on top of her church. I didn’t really know how somebody could dislike a lit up cross on top of a church. I had visions of the cross that adorns the Marion Methodist Church in Boone. A cross that both symbolizes the faith of the followers of the Son of Man and could make a pretty mean bug zapper if Boone was ever to fall prey to a plague of locusts.

Upon further questioning, she revealed that this cross not only lit up, but revolved. On this revelation my mind was flooded with visions of a revolving lit up cross. I was immediately reminded of one thing from my childhood.

There are several things I miss from my childhood. The velvet bull painting in Jack’s Tacos. The train booths at the Hardee’s in North Grand Mall. The airplane booths at the Hardee’s on Duff. The animal tables at Arctic Circle. Not knowing that Ronald McDonald actually lives in Ogden. Getting the special Country Kitchen coins that you could use in their vending machines. Putting down the economic status of another person by referring to their possessions as “Pamida specials”. Among those memories is the old KFC road signs. To the best of my knowledge, the old KFC next to Goeppinger Field never had the sign that I remember. However, somewhere in my youthful travels I remember driving by a KFC that on top of their road sign was a bucket of chicken. This bucket of chicken lit up. This bucket of chicken also revolved. I haven’t seen a functioning, revolving bucket of chicken in years. While I might be permanently denied access to that revolving bucket of chicken, I did have access to a cross that was more than a suitable surrogate.

I tried to convince of the greatness of this cross. How it represented more than most crosses, it represented eternal truth and the beauty of God’s grace and the Colonel’s secret blend of herbs and spices.

She was dismissive of my arguments and stood fast that the revolving cross was “cheesy”. I argued against her elitism, but failed to make a convert.

I told her regardless of her snobbery, I wanted to photograph this rotating cross. Shortly after our discussion fate took a hand. The beautiful cross broke. It didn’t light up. It no longer rotated.

I’m not saying that I believe in telekinesis or auras or crystals or Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster or that inherited wealth hasn’t created a caste system in our country. I’m just saying that when somebody puts off that much negative energy towards something it will tend to break. I offer up my experience with just about every automobile that I have owned. Particularly that 91 Grand Prix. I still hate you!!! So I’m saying that Shannon’s visceral disdain for the rotating cross was a factor in its ceasing to function.

When she delivered the bad news to me about the fallen symbol of the Good News I was not alarmed. I figured that such a thing was considered a local treasure. Certainly the congregation of the “Big House”* would rally around their pride and joy and it would be only a matter of time before it was proudly beaming out its hopeful message in 360 degrees.

Then nothing happened. A week went by. Then a month. Then another month. Then the season changed. Then the season changed again. I was beginning to think that the FUMC of downtown Des Moines didn’t realize what they were missing. What they were failing to protect and nurture.

I was beginning to doubt. I was beginning to lose faith. Not in God, but in the FUMC of Des Moines. What was their deal? Was the whole congregation as dismissive of the now lifeless cross on top of their building as Shannon.

I might not believe in the Tooth Fairy or the Yetti or Ghosts or that some people can afford to have health care choose not to have health care. I do believe in miracles. I don’t believe that God stores up miracles and then just cracks them out around Christmas. I do believe that during Christmas people are more likely to be open to seeing miracles. Due to the fact that people are a little nicer, a little more generous and quite frankly just better people during the holiday season there is something known as the Christmas Miracle.

At 10:41 PM on November 29th, I got my Christmas Miracle. That is when an e-mail from Shannon fluttered across cyberspace and landed in my computer mine e-mail account inbox.

The revolving lit up cross on top of First UMC in downtown Des Moines is working again. I hope that it leads to a good photo opportunity. Otherwise I see it as pointless and cheesy. I mentioned to my pastor that you had a photo opportunity in mind, and he said he’d be interested in seeing the result. So, the ball’s in your court now. Have fun with that!

I joined the Ames Jaycees back in October. I have yet to contribute to the organization in any way, shape or form until last Tuesday. It was on that night that I attended an Ames on the Halfshell committee meeting and apparently became a member of the Band Selection Committee. Before the meeting began, Shannon showed me a copy of her church newsletter that had an article that could have been entitled The Return of Greatness, but the actual title escapes me. The meat of the articles was about how a couple had donated some scratch so that the church could return their cross to all of its glory. The article noted that this return to downtown Des Moines skyline was newsworthy enough to have been covered by at least a couple local stations.

As it turns out, I was planning to be in Beaverdale on Friday night to attend at least the third graduation party for Sara. She has one expensive brain. Beaverdale is just a quick hop, skip and jump a way from downtown Des Moines. I negotiated an abbreviated FNSC with Jay and Willy on Sunday. This worked out well for Jay because he was heading back to Cedar Rapids on Saturday for a family Christmas and a date with destiny on Sunday morning. That tale of destiny is for another time, but it does involved a naked old man and not closing the door when you are using the bathroom.

After a tasty meal and some in-vain-attempts to find a facsimile of Spin Art, I headed down to Sara’s party. The party was a good time. I made visual confirmation of the existence of Todd and Kristal. I had a lengthy conversation with Derrick about man vegetables.

I got to talk about music and Jaycees stuff with Shannon. I got to watch Sara go down to her basement to smoke so her parents didn’t see it. I got to take a ride in Derrick’s new ride. It was a good time.

At about 1:30 or so I left Sara’s and headed towards downtown Des Moines. I found the church at the corner of 10th & Pleasant. Unfortunately, it was snowing and freezing cold. Both of these things are unpleasant for humans, but they are dreadful for cameras. Condensation and just general wetness created all sorts of light flare issues. That is the bad news. The good news is that I was able to scout out the area and make some shots. Once again, nothing is quite what I’m looking for, but the first image is pretty close.

While I was downtown I also checked out some of the river walk. I now just wait for better weather, because I have some new inspiration.


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*”Big House”. The Downtown FUMC houses two separate congregations. There is the one that has always been there. Then there is Shannon’s congregation that originally met in South Ridge Mall. I forget the name of that church, but I think it is The Colony. I do remember that the name is based on Philippians 3:20 – “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ,” She refers to the other congregation as the “Big House”. It never fails to amuse me.

Film School: Beowulf

\I heard something yesterday that incredibly angers me, but that might be for a later time. Here is a new episode of film school about the movie Beowulf. Jay is getting pretty good at the editing. Now if only I were to improve we might have something here.

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American Gangster

This blog is 89 views away from 10,000! That might not be many views for you, but it is a lot for me so bugger off. No, I don’t mean that. Keep coming back.

What a great weekend to be a Cyclone! In reality it is always a great Cyclone to be a Cyclone, but this was a particularly great weekend to be a Cyclone. What did we accomplish:

On Friday, the volleyball team upset No. 16 San Diego 3-2 in the first round of the NCAA tournament.

The men’s basketball team beat the Oregon State Beavers 71-64.

On Saturday, the swimming & diving team went up to Cedar Falls and whipped the Panthers 180-57.

The women’s basketball team beat up on Montana State 76-50.

The volleyball team beat No. 8 Wisconsin 3-0 in the NCAA tournament to advance to play No. 7 California on Friday in the regionals.

Then today, (in a sport I actually loathe) the No. 2 wrestling team went to Minnesota and defeated the No. 1 ranked Gophers 18-13.

Another review is ready for public consumption. Below you will find my review of both American Gangster and eating at King Buffet.


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Michael Clayton

Here is another episode of film school. Ummmm . . . I sure like to ramble and I think I actually discuss this movie for about 10 seconds of the 2 minutes of actual screen time. I need to start preparing for this stuff. Apparently I can’t just sit down and play. Jay still does a solid job of editing though. He could make me look much worse.


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In a strange twist of events I was told that I look like James Bond at work yesterday. I’m told that this was not a sarcastic comment despite the fact that I haven’t shaved in about 3 weeks.

Darjeeling Redux

Here is the “completed” version of the Darjeeling Limited review. It is in two parts and is still way too long. The only real difference is Jay threw on some and some credits.

There is hopefully 5 new reviews on the way. Principal photography has been completed on reviews for Michael Clayton, Wristcutters: A Love Story, American Gangster, Calm Down, & Beowulf.

I also have plans to go see Into the Wild tonight and No Country for Old Men on Sunday. I hope to snag a viewing of the following films in the coming months: Across the Universe (even though I think it is never coming to Ames), August Rush (even though Robin Williams looks terrible in the trailer), Even though I once walked out on a Bob Dylan concert, I’m Not There, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly even though it seems an awful lot like The Sea Inside), Atonement, Grace is Gone, The Amateurs, Love in the Time of Cholera, I Am Legend (even though Will Smith is in it),Juno (even though I don’t know if I’ll be able to look at Ellen Page the same after Hard Candy), The Kite Runner, Youth Without Youth (even though Coppola hasn’t directed a film in 10 years),Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, The Waterhorse: Legend of the Deep, The Bucket List, Charlie Wilson’s War, Persepolis, The Great Debaters, and There Will Be Blood (even though I think Paul Thomas Anderson is just a terrible filmmaker).