Category Archives: Jay

B.B.A.T.

This is a small collection of 4 different stories about 4 different people.

Monica

I really only wanted two birthday presents this past year. One was stained glass from Jen. I got that back in May. The second present was a painting from Monica. I got that on Wednesday.


She painted it on an old window that came out of my mom’s house when she got new windows. Monica struggled with this painting a little bit because she felt that I would want something with bright colors and she doesn’t usually use bright colors in her painting. I think the struggle was worth it. I think it is a masterful work that I will display proudly next to the works of Jay Janson, Jen Ensley and Rebecca Peterson.

Jesse

I posted plenty of fall color pictures, but what I didn’t do was give proper credit to Jesse for manning an umbrella for me on one of the days when it was raining.


Jesse - Photo Assistant

If you have ever wondered about what the glamor of being a photo assistant for me looks like, it kind of looks like that picture above.

Nader

We celebrated what Nader claims to be his 21st birthday on Sunday. We went to see Darjeeling Limited and then ate at King Buffet.


Nader

Jay wants to record my ramblings about movies and edit them into some kind of coherent movie review. If this works out, the first of these reviews will be Darjeeling Limited.

Jason Baier

I think most people that know me know about B.B.A.T. Jason Baier was inspired by my recent pictures of lumberjack Janson and grew himself a beard. I documented this beard and the results are these pictures.


Jason Beardo

Jason Beardo

Jason Beardo

Jason Beardo

As you know, the second part about my theory is related to grooming. Jason tried to complicate my theory by growing a hybrid beard. The top of the beard is completely natural and allowed to run wild. However, he decided to get a little freaky (I must say that I do not like this aspect of his beard one bit) and shave the lower half of the beard. I was not able to gather enough data about his general demeanor to figure out where this creepy hybrid beard will fit into B.B.A.T. I hope that I’m never near enough to a hybrid beard again to collect such data.

BSVRR!

I mentioned that I was going to celebrate the peak of fall colors with a little train ride. The pictures from the train ride are now posted. Just follow the link below:

BOONE & SCENIC VALLEY RAILROAD

It was a very overcast and dark day. That meant a large aperture and slow shutter speed, which is the worst possible combination for landscape pictures from a moving object. Hopefully you will still get the idea.

I’m Vi Woodcock

One last Kubrick reference for the week and for the people that aren’t sick of Kubrick yet*. I feel when discussing retirement or of quitting a job that one loathes the movie most apropos would be Spartacus. When I had a job I hated I often dreamed of leading my own slave rebellion. A Wage Slave Rebellion. I never got the chance to lead my own rebellion, (even though I am technically still a wage slave) but I do still take the time to enjoy and celebrate when somebody that is dear to me leaves a job they despise. My joy is doubled when their freedom also weakens the evil empire known as Dasher Mismanagement. My joy is tripled when that person is retiring.

This morning I got the joy of attending a retirement party for Vi on her last day chained to the oar at work. It is a great and wonderful day and I look forward to discussing the many things that Vi is getting to do with her new freedom at church on Sundays rather than trying to talk her into retiring. This leaves only a couple of people left that I would like to see escape the demon clutches of Dasher Mismanagement.

Below is a picture of Jay, Vi, and I at the retirement shindig.


10-25-07

I have not imbibed a single morsel of food from a Dasher Mismanagement dive in over 18 months. I confess that I was tempted today to have some milk from their cooler. I looked at it and considered it (because I did not pay for it – I haven’t give them one red cent of my money in years) but in the end I just threw it away. (They still lost about 20 cents by my throwing it away. A little victory.) I did not want their poisons flowing into this temple.

*Warner Bros. did release new versions of Lolita and Barry Lyndon on Tuesday. However, since neither one was anamorphic I can’t quite figure out why they wasted their time. I will not be purchasing these “new” versions. Who am I kidding? It is 50-50 on whether or not I buy them. The fact that they aren’t in snap cases might be motivation enough.

Possible Preview

This might just be a preview for a new feature of this website or at the very least, a new endeavor for yours truly and Mr. Janson. If you do not see a video below, your boss is blocking YouTube.


VIDEO DELETED – HOPEFULLY

I am planning on going to see Things We Lost in the Fire this Sunday, so the review could conceivably be up some time next week.

A Very Non Exciting Announcement

I was counting up the ways that a person could make contact with me and I decided that I needed one more way. So I actually took the time and energy and told the guy that hosts my website (Frank) to give me an address at my own domain. So now if you want yet another e-mail address to write to me at:

bennett@photography139.com

There might* be a prize for the first person that e-mails me at my new address.

I am excited that this weekend will be the peak of fall colors this year in Central Iowa. I hope you are able to spend some time outside this weekend to enjoy the beauty of nature. I think I might just celebrate by taking a train ride.

The Fausts are going to be joining FNSC this evening. They have been given the rare privilege of picking the location for FNSC. This is a very rare honor only given to the most highly regarded. They did not make a mistake with their choice. They have chosen the West Street Deli, which is home to the world’s best club sandwich. I’m not joking about it. If you haven’t had the club at The West Street Deli you are missing out.

Tomorrow is an exciting day as well. The Iowa State Cyclones will attempt to BBQ the Texas Longhorns. I have little doubt that the Cyclones will leave Jack Trice Stadium victors, but that isn’t why tomorrow is so exciting. Tomorrow is exciting because Jay and Derrick are attending their first Faust tailgate. They will get to witness first hand Faust doing his Johnny Cash impersonation (it involves standing on the cooler) and after the game, they might get to see him bust out the Humpty Dance. Although the real highlight of any Faust tailgate is watching him yell at Bret over the music selections. Nothing is better than Faust getting mad when Bret won’t play “Not as Good as I Once Was”. He points at his damaged foot and screams, “That’s my song. I’m not as good as I once was”. Priceless merrymaking.

I should make a confession. Almost a month ago, Stephanie gave me the Sufjan Stevens album Illinoise. She was really interested in me giving her feedback on my thoughts about the album. I think she was hoping for me to just agree with her that it is one of the greatest albums of all time. The problem is that she also gave me a copy of the Eric Lindell album Change in the Weather. I just can’t bring myself to listen to the Sufjan Stevens album because I LOVE the Eric Lindell album so much. In fact, I’ve taken to surrounding myself with a constant flow of music from the following albums: Echoes, Silence, Patience, and Grace** by the Foo Fighters, Change in the Weather by Eric Lindell, Once the Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, and Every Second Counts by Plain White T’s. I hope to add Shannon Curfman’s album Fast Lane Addiction to the mix, but I have to find some place that is selling it first. Stupid Best Buy. Stupid Target. I’ll get to Sufjan, I swear it. Just not on anything important.

I received some exciting news this week. I’m not ready to share that information yet, but if you want a sneak peek, you can head over to the FUMC in Boone on Wednesday night at 7 pm. You will want to go to the parlor. There are a couple of strings attached. You have to be a woman, lady, female, or girl and you have to be interested in knitting, crocheting, quilting or something of that ilk. I’ll just leave this tease stand for now. Hopefully I will have a picture next to make you understand why I’m excited. Well I can’t make you understand anything. It will be an illustration of my excitement though.

I got another new toy for the “rig”*** a couple of weeks ago. I’m hoping to go out tonight and get some use out of it. If everything works out there might be some interesting night pictures in our future. Makes you wonder what toy would help with night photography, doesn’t it!

*By “might”, I mean there isn’t a prize.

** Even though Schmidt from work disagrees with my assessment, I think this album is pushing “The Colour and The Shape” for the title of the best Foo Fighters album.
*** Terminology used by the dude who annoyed me a couple of weeks ago.

Johnny Consumer

I’d like to think that I had a better than average week this week. It started out poorly as the Padres lost to the Rockies in a play in game and despite the fact that the umpire blew the call that gave the Rockies the win, I accept the loss because the umpires also blew a call that would have given the Rockies another run and ended the game in their favor after 9 innings.

Tuesday night I got the pleasure of changing the spark plugs in my car. So now when I’m cruising up the entrance ramp on my way home from work the engine doesn’t misfire or hesitate. Then on Wednesday night I changed out both front wheel bearings on the car, so now instead of listening to an intense grinding noise where ever I go, I hear only the sweet hum of my engine and whatever tune is currently emanating from the iPod.

In all honesty (I worry that I’m pointing out my honesty too much lately, which might make me seem like a less than honest person. Truth be known, I’m an honest person face to face. It is only in these blogs that I tell half truths [such as there is no Book of Maximum Overdrive – at least one that isn’t a prophetic text] to slightly skew the perspective of these tales.) it is my brother-in-law Jason that actually changed the spark plugs and the wheel bearings, but I did stay in the garage to provide enlightening and engaging conversation, in addition to moral support.

On Thursday night I got myself a haircut from Monica. During that time I learned that Monica had briefly dated a guy that played the bagpipes. I couldn’t believe that she had broken up with a piper. I know the strong spell that the sound of bagpipes put on the women folk, even though this “fact” was called into question by some women folk on Saturday night, I stand by my assertion.

After the haircut, I attended an Ames Jaycees meeting with Shannon. It is the contention of Shannon that if I were to join the Jaycees, I could take pictures of “ground zero” at next year’s Independence Day fireworks display.

The meeting took place at the Jaycees haunted house which is just north of the Halloween “Bootique” in North Grand Mall. The meeting began with a tour of the haunted house. This year they are having a pirate themed haunted house that is sure to scare the “ship” out of you. Don’t blame me if you didn’t like that play on words. I’m just reporting the facts.

After the tour everybody was guided back to an extremely large bathroom where the meeting was held. I think that Shannon thought that this aspect would be my favorite part of the meeting. This aspect was amusing, but it wasn’t my favorite part of the meeting.

A little while back I (at least I believe) mildly offended Shannon by calling her hyper-organized. She confessed (yes I’m acting like being organized is a crime) to be organized, but not to an insane degree that one would need to use or even manufacture a label such as “hyper-organized” and apply it to her.

Shannon is a Jaycees bigwig. Although I don’t believe that I’m revealing any Jaycees secrets by letting you know that in fact the bigwigs do no wear big wigs, to indicate the amount of power within their grasp. They just sit at the front of the room.

There were times when the meeting would seem to lose its focus. I would describe the meeting as having gone off on a tangent because of my love for mathematics. Others in the room would describe such a set of circumstances as “chasing rabbits” based on their love for Jefferson Airplane. Regardless of what euphemism you would use to describe the situation, on at least three occasions Shannon had to redirect the meeting to bring it back to its agenda prescribed focus or to point out some error the meeting had made in parliamentary procedure. Each time, despite a game effort to conceal it, she clearly displayed an amount of irritation. These moments were my favorite aspect of the meeting. But she isn’t hyper-organized.

After the meeting I went out to supper with Monica and Suzie. It was an excellent opportunity to learn more about the piper. However, it was slightly disappointing as it turns out the piper never once fired up the bagpipes for Monica. Although he did once show her is rather large and extensive collection of bagpipe CDs.

FNSC met at Dublin Bay. There is not a tremendous amount to report from those proceedings. Just the usual. Trying to get Willy to sign off on one of us wearing a bear suit and jumping out and surprising the people he hikes with on Saturdays so that he could look like a hero in front of them when he wrestles the bear and wins.

On Saturday night I was spared listening to the Cyclones thrashing by Tech by going out to eat with Russell, Andree, Jason and Janelle to celebrate Janelle’s emancipation from Dasher Mismanagement.

This was a good time as I learned that Jay “Mr. Secret” Janson has been keeping a secret from me, again. You have to keep an eye on that guy and that Janelle is actually more over insured than I am.

It is always an enjoyable night with those guys as I get to listen to Russell reveal one crackpot sports opinion after another. (Texas Tech is a top 25 team, Nebraska is going to be good this year, Bill Calahan is a good coach, Terrell Davis isn’t a Hall of Famer, the Celtics are winning the East next year) Then Jason gets to try to defend the Chiefs and Andree provides the only other voice of reason. Janelle is a Cubs and Bears fan, so it is was a good time watching the Diamondbacks eliminate the Cubs. The highlight of the night being when the Cubs loaded the bases with one out and some Cub grounded into a double play to end the inning. As for the Bears? Just discussing the NFL in front of a Bears fan is usually punishment enough for them. Some of them actually thought the Bears were going to be good this year.

After the Emancipation Celebration, I hopped into my quiet smooth running car for the trip down to Beaverdale for Sara’s birthday party. I had been charged with the task of inviting her Boone County friends to the party. Although I was diligent in my duty, I was also derelict in my execution.

I spread the word, but I spread the wrong time. In fact, it wasn’t until late Saturday afternoon that I learned that I had spread misinformation. Due to a new set of signs(indicating the need for quiet to facilitate or respect the “world class support” going on in our midst) at the computer mine, I now have my phone on vibrate all the time and now I never get my calls.

I missed a call from Jen. She called to tell me that the party was at 8, which was super since I told everybody 7, and asked if I would like to carpool with them down to the social event of October. However, I would not be able to reach her at home because she was going shopping. I would not be able to reach her on her cell phone because the battery was dead. Furthermore, I would not be able to reach Derrick on his cell phone because he had left it at home. Therefore I was to call Derrick at work and reveal my answer.

Sara’s party was yet another stunning success. I can’t lie. Sara goes through a dizzying array of Des Moines friends. They usually range from intolerable to “how has this person not been choked to death?” Sara’s party last year was a quick adventure for me. I made it 5 minutes before it was time for me to leave.

However, the current crop of Des Moines friends are keepers. I look forward to seeing them at social engagements in the future. I even learned their names for future reference. Something I’ve never done in the past.

Also, I got to discuss the movie “Once” with Derrick. That was another win for me, because at this time, I really enjoy discussing this movie.

Now might be a good time to discuss the future. Not the important future. Just the future of where some of my money is going to go.

As everybody knows, Tuesday is the day that new movies, CDs, and books get released. This coming Tuesday might be the greatest Tuesday of 2007.

Why?

Two great things are being released on Tuesday. First is Stephen Colbert’s new book “I Am America (And So Can You!)”. Secondly, a new Post Secret book is being released. I can’t wait.

I’m so excited I just think I might embed a video about Post Secret.


VIDEO DELETED

Thomas the Scam

Every year I feel myself compelled to go down to the B&SVRR when they are scamming small children and draining the coffers of their parents with Thomas the Tank. I admit that it really isn’t their doing. They put on a pretty good show. There is a magician and a petting zoo. There are characters from the show. There is a funnel cake stand. Actually it is “the funnel cake stand”. If you’ve never had a funnel cake from the Kruse funnel cake stand my friend, you’ve never actually had a funnel cake at all. Plus they have real train rides like their dinner train or their excursion train. However, Thomas the Tank is a lie. He is no train engine. He is a glorified caboose and the kids fall for it every time.

I’m a firm believer that a person shouldn’t lie to their children. There is no reason to have your children believe in things like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy. It just sets them up for a lifetime of disappointment when they realize that other mythical objects like social mobility and the American Dream are as real as a 7 foot rabbit that hides eggs on the day that Christians celebrate the resurrection of the Son of God. Although it does teach them to learn at an early age that authority figures (employers and the government) will lie to you at every conceivable opportunity. Perhaps there is something to lying to your children.

It is because of this that I think that parents should make it very clear to their children that Thomas the Tank is nothing but a glory hound. He isn’t doing any real work. The real work is being done by that engine in the back. It doesn’t have a face, but it is the one that deserves your respect.

Why is it that I feel compelled to go see this charade every year? I admit that Thomas does have a certain allure. For not doing anything, I feel compelled to look into his eyes to make sure that this isn’t the beginning of the machine revolution. The one foretold in the book of Maximum Overdrive. I believe you may have seen the movie they made based on this prophetic text starring Emilio Estevez. What I saw when I looked into Thomas’ eyes this year is that we are still at least a year from the coming of the semi with the green face.

Also, I go down there to see Shorty. He always volunteers for the B&SVRR when Thomas is in town. He is also going to do the Santa Express again this year. However, I got a surprise when I found out that Johnathan was going to be volunteering. He has never been a community service type of chap, so this I definitely had to see and digitally record.


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FNSC Auxiliary Member

FNSC added a new auxiliary member this past Friday. Jason Baier joined us on the patio at La Carreta on a brisk summer night. His name will now go down in the annals of history with other Auxiliary Members of FNSC:

Jesse Howard
Teresa Kahler
Dustin Jackson
That Kristy girl Willy works with
Derrick Gorshe
Jen Ensley
Sara Junck
Nate Miller

I’m sure there have been others. I just don’t have the official FNSC Ledger with me at this time where all of our exploits have been documented. Even if I did have it with me, it takes all 3 of our keys to open the book any way.

If you would like to be at least as cool as Jesse Howard, you may one day join us for a Supper Club. All you have to do is give me a call and if you don’t have my phone number, I probably don’t like you that much any way.

After FNSC Jason and I cruised the town in a Rideshare van. You would think this was against “Rideshare” rules, but apparently as a backup driver he is entitled to dip into this 200 mile personal use monthly pool that the drivers get to split up. Only he is the only person that uses the miles because he is running some kind of scam on this elderly lady that is the other driver. I didn’t want to get too much information on the situation in case I was going to have to testify against him at a later date.

We cruised the Rideshare van around, looking awful cool, then stopped and took the picture below:


09-17-07

I would consider it a fairly successful evening.

One Question IQ Test

There are probably only two people out there that understand what this is all about. That is okay, I’m really writing this because I need to vent some frustration (which has actually already dissipated) and because I borrowed something from Jay to make this possible and if I didn’t go through with it, this episode would have ended up just like when I bugged Jay until he went out to the Harrier Wildlife Management Area to take the picture below, but never actually wrote the blog that was supposed to go with this picture.


Spoof

Yes this picture has been censored because it is too hot for the world wide web.

What lies below is a One Question IQ Test. For the sake of this IQ question I ask that you suspend disbelief and pretend that the knife is a really scary knife and the gun isn’t a plastic toy gun with the orange safety cap colored black but a really scary gun.

One Question IQ Test

Question 1:


IQ Test

Of the three items, which one is not like the other:

A. The gun, because killing people with a knife or a camera is a long drawn out process that gets pretty messy.
B. The knife, because killing people with a knife is quiet and killing people with a gun or a camera would make a lot of noise.
C. The camera, because it isn’t a WEAPON!!!!
D. It is a trick question. They are all the same. They are just instruments of hobbies and are perfectly safe to take anywhere. For example, a child’s birthday party.

If I have to tell you the answer to the question, you have failed the test.