Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

I need to start this post with warning you that if you are the type of fool that believes the false narrative that I hate cats, then you will want to turn back now! You will surely misinterpret what lies below to be anti-cat propaganda. It is not anti-cat propaganda. It is pro-public health propaganda. For the record, I agree with Orwell’s assertion that all art is propaganda. Don’t misinterpret this art as anything but pro-public health propaganda.

I feel like I should do a little bit better job documenting my cleaning. However, most of my cleaning is already done, unless you want to discuss the basement. I don’t want to discuss the basement. Why did you bring the basement up?

Last week I completed two minor, but majorly annoying cleaning projects. One was cleaning out my cupboard of all expired food. I didn’t realize that would mean pretty much throwing away everything thing that was in my cupboard. I suppose I should have.

I had lasagna noodle that expired in 2011. A bread mix that expired in 2013. I didn’t buy many groceries before this pandemic. I won’t be buying much to restock my cupboard. I clearly don’t use what I bought in the past, so replacing it would be throwing good money after bad.

I took a couple pictures though:

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,
Everything in that bag is from the cupboard.

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,
This is what the cupboard looks like now.

The other major, but minor thing I accomplished was getting rid of all my empty pop cans. I only drink pop once a week now, so I don’t produce a ton of empty cans, yet somehow my giant garbage can dedicated to empty cans had overflowed a long time ago. The recent winds have blown empty cans all over the yard.

Here is my dichotomy. I fully support the can deposit program. Have you ever been to a state that doesn’t have a can deposit program? Trust me. Tennessee is filthy. It makes Missouri look like Minnesota.

The other side of that coin is that I hate taking my cans in. As far as I know, Boone closed its can redemption center years ago. Taking it to Walmart is scarier than any abandoned rest area horror movie you’ve ever seen. The people there. Terrifying.

Plus the smell! The smell is absolutely unbelievable. Not in a good way. Not in the I can’t believe it’s not butter, kind of way. I would describe the smell as high fructose corn syrup and skunk.

And, it gets worse, everything is sticky. A deep sticky too. A deep sticky that makes you wonder if this is just dried up sugar.

You can see the bind I was in, and then the answer came to me out of thin air. Then landed in my cell phone in the form of a text message.

My inside guy (who shall remain nameless to protect their identity because I know that people who own cats suffer from a wide range of mental maladies) texted me to tell me that the fact that cats can get the coronavirus puts the future of the Community Cat Program in danger.

I have long been an opponent of the repugnant Community Cat Program in Boone. Mostly because having cats in the neighborhood lowers your property value. I didn’t buy this house to have Johnny 3 Cat move in next door and drop the value of my house 15%.

I certainly don’t need a cat strolling around my neighborhood on the government dime doing the same thing.

The text jogged something loose in mind. The Boone Area Humane Society has a spot where they accept cans to help fund their activities. I could drop my cans off there!

However, I wanted to make sure they knew that my generous donation of maybe 7 bucks didn’t got to the Community Cat Program, which now, due to cats being able to contract the coronavirus, is a matter of public health safety.

So I made a graphic called Coronacat-Banned:

I printed 3 of them out and taped them to my 3 bags of cans to make it was clear that the money raised from these cans are not to be used to supported the Community Coronacat Program:

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

It is a matter of public health safety. I’m sure they will have no problem deciphering my graphic.

Remember, “All art is propaganda; the other hand; not all propaganda is art.”


This collection from the 2019 backlog are from pictures I took around Lake LaVerne.

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,

I have one more swan collection from this day spent on the most beautiful campus in the entire world.

12 thoughts on “Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Loveable,”

  1. I surprisingly haven’t heard from Shannon yet. Or my friend with the BAHS.

    Although I did hear from 2 cat people last night. 1 person supported my decision. The other person stuck to the false narrative that I hate cats.

    There is a cat that roams my neighborhood. Spreading disease. Unlike rats, who are falsely accused of spreading the plague.

    Have you heard about rats in NYC? There isn’t much garbage to scavenge, so now they are forming armies and fighting for the resources that are available. I love rats. So smart!

  2. I think you’re being responsible, which is all we can ask of anyone at this time.

    A couple of things:

    – I am sure you’ve already seen it, but the similar video about monkeys having street brawls for garbage is similarly adored in our house, especially by the boy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22JgHBb-0dg

    – I think at least once a month about how sad it was when I was driving Solzenitzen to the vet and he passed away. It haunts me to this day, because he was such a sweet rat. And tough, like a rat should be.

  3. Yeah, I’ve seen that video. I’ve become addicted to videos of animals wandering empty streets. For the most parts, animals would be so much better without us.

    The good impact that this has had on the environment is about the only silver lining I can say about this epidemic. Although I have been crying inconsolably thinking about the good people in the oil industry suffering.

    Monthly? Rats, while crazy smart and extremely resourceful, just don’t live all that long.

  4. Your blog email came into my inbox at 12:08. I was long asleep by that point. According to my inside source, the virus can also transmit to dogs, just for the record. Remind me – what is the Community Cat Program? Is this where they catch stray cats, spay/neuter them, and then release them back to where they came from?

  5. I was on campus this weekend while wandering around grabbing some Corona-related photos to send to the Ames Historical Society, and I encountered an incredibly overfed squirrel with an indignant look on its face when I had no food to offer. He didn’t look like he was struggling for food, however – I assume there is less trash, but more comfort.

    I know Solly’s time had come, but I hated being part of it. I am normally sort of a robot and don’t cry – but one time I hit a possum in my car and cried for 20 minutes. And possums are objectively terrifying.

  6. The difference is that dogs aren’t affected by the virus and don’t really pass it on. It looks like cats might be able to pass it on to other cats. Although research on this is very limited. It has something to do with the respiratory systems of cats.

    “The results demonstrated that cats can be infected with the coronavirus and may be able to spread it to other cats via respiratory droplets. The team placed infected animals in cages next to three animals without the disease and found, in one case, the virus had spread from cat to cat. The felines didn’t show any outward signs of illness, however.

    Dogs appear to be more resistant. Five 3-month-old beagles were inoculated with SARS-CoV-2 via the nasal passage and housed with two dogs not given the virus. After a week, the virus was not detected in any dogs, but two had generated an immune response. The two dogs that did not receive the virus did not acquire it from their kennel mates.”

    But the good news is that it doesn’t look like cats can pass it to humans.

    That is a pretty fair description of the vile Community Cat Program.

    Possums are not objectively terrifying. That is definitely a subjective opinion.

    I haven’t even been to Ames since I started working from home. The farthest I’ve been from home is maybe 5 miles.

  7. This might be what some would call a “God Moment”. I listen to Life 107.1 (96.1 up here) in the mornings. They were interviewing the lead singer of Casting Crowns (probably the most popular Christian band these days).

    He flat out said that cats don’t have souls. Then went on to praise golden retrievers.

    It is hard to argue with theology that sound. Ordering up a bunch of Casting Crowns albums right now.

  8. So why do you object to the Community Cat Program? I would think you’d be in favor of fewer cats roaming the streets.

  9. Standing solid on “objectively terrifying.” They drool and hiss at you with dozens of teeth. I’m not saying that they are bad animals, just that I wouldn’t want to run into a pack of them in a dark alley.

  10. Shannon,

    As you know, I am a very staunch Libertarian. If a cat can’t pay for its own shots and fixing, then don’t ask me to pitch in.

    Are there no prisons?

    And the Union workhouses, are they still in operation?

    Those cats that are badly off must go there. If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population.

    But if it could be shown that this program works better than say, the Jefferson program, then maybe I could support it. But there is no proof that this boondoggle reduces the population of an animal that doesn’t bring value to the community.

    If the BAHS wanted to create a community goat program or community miniature donkey program, then that is something we can discuss.


    You just defined what it means to be subjective. You make a dangerous assumption that hissing and drooling is terrifying. It isn’t. Not to everybody. Didn’t think I’d have to come in and mansplain that to you.

    If you did run into a pack of possums, which is called a passel by the way, consider yourself blessed. Coming across a a passel in a dark alley is considered good luck by an indigenous culture I just manufactured to backup my point.

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