Roundball Oracles Year 20 Final Standings

It undeniably sucks when an SEC team wins anything. But it is even worse when college basketball season ends in such a manner. Now everything is super sad.

I try to describe being a sports fan like this to people that aren’t a sports fan:

Watching your favorite team is like watching your favorite television show. But it is more than your favorite television show because these are real people you are watching. And you can go see them in person. So it is like your favorite television show and your favorite musician that you can see in concert on a regular basis. But there is also a good chance that you inherited your favorite team from your family. For example, it is part of being a Bennett to be an Iowa State fan. So not only is your favorite sports team your favorite show, your favorite musician, it is also family. But your favorite college sports team can also be something you choose. Like your religion. So not only is it family, your favorite show, your favorite musician, it can also be your back-up religion. But in college sports, you favorite sports team can also be where you went to school. So not only is your favorite sports team your family, your backup religion, your favorite show, and favorite musician, it is also part of your identity and the one of the largest molders of who you are as a person. But your favorite sports team might be in your city or near your city. So not only is your favorite sports team family, a backup religion, a major part of your identity, your favorite show, and your favorite musician, it is also the largest single economic driver in your life.

However, (hopefully) your family and your religion will always be there for you. In the case of a college team, that university isn’t picking up and moving so it is going to keep plugging money into your local economy and employ many of your friends and family. That college degree and memories are not being taken away from you. You know exactly when your favorite show is going to be on and when the last episode is every season. Your favorite band’s tour dates are right on their website. But with your favorite sports team you don’t know when that final game of the season is going to be. You wake up in the postseason and they could win and go on and play again. OR they could lose and just like that they are gone with no warning. At least until next season.

Then somebody that doesn’t get sports tells you, “It is only a game. Get over it.”

So if you are like me and you are still thinking about how Seneca was in or the Blarge well over 20 years later, it is okay if you want to punch that person in the throat. You are my kind of people.

While as a sports fan, you do grieve (having to say goodbye to Emily Ryan and Keshon Gilbert and Curtis Jones) when the season is over, you do not grieve without hope, because Iowa State football starts in a little over 4 months!

This year’s champion was… drumroll please… Baier! He adds himself to the list of Immortals! Joining his wife and two of his kids. He can finally have some bragging rights in his own house!

ROUNDBALL ORACLE CHAMPTIONS – LIST OF IMMORTALS

• 2025 – Jason Baier
• 2024 – Micky Augustin
• 2023 – Will Baier
• 2022 – Ben Baier
• 2021 – Micky Augustin
• 2020 – No Tournament – COVID
• 2019 – Becky Parmelee
• 2018 – Paul Golden
• 2017 – Paul Golden
• 2016 – Michelle Haupt
• 2015 – Derek Dohrman
• 2014 – Brandon Kahler
• 2013 – William McAlpine
• 2012 – Lowell Davis
• 2011 – Carrie Baier
• 2010 – Mark Wolfram
• 2009 – Mark Wolfram
• 2008 – Mark Wolfram
• 2007 – Tim Peterson
• 2006 – William McAlpine
• 2005 – William McAlpine

But I hand out 2 trophies for the Roundball Oracles. Jason will take home the Championship trophy for the 2nd time ever. But who gets “The Sara” for last place?

Do you have another drumroll in you? It goes to Oracles youngest comptetitor Olivia Baier!

“The Sara” Winners:

• 2025 – Olivia Baier
• 2024 – Aaron Sader
• 2023 – Ben Baier
• 2022 – Joey Randazzo
• 2021 – Rachel Gildersleeve
• 2020 – No Tournament – COVID
• 2019 – Russell Kennerly
• 2018 – Robert Henning
• 2017 – Shannon Bardole
• 2016 – Laura Priest (Miller)
• 2015 – Derrick Gorshe
• 2014 – Sara Lockner

Here are the Final Standings:

1. Jason Baier (Florida) – 337
2. Jon DeWaard (Florida) – 331
3. Linda Bennett (Florida) – 310
4. Micky Augustin (Houston) – 295
5. Elizabeth Nordeen (Houston) – 295
6. Lowell Davis (Auburn) – 285
7. Carrie Baier (Florida) – 282
8. Jesse Howard (Duke) – 282
9. Andree Jauhari (Iowa State) – 279
10. Toby Sebring (Florida) – 279
11. Cathie Raley (Florida) – 276
12. Tim Peterson (Houston) – 275
13. Derrick Gorshe (Houston) – 270
14. Joseph Duff (Duke) – 269
15. Andy Sharp (Florida) – 267
16. Corey Faust (Duke) – 258
17. Bill Wentworth (Michigan State) – 249
18. Christopher D. Bennett (Iowa State) – 245
19. Derek Dohrman (Michigan State) – 232
20. Russell Kennerly (Houston) – 230
21. Michelle Haupt (Houston) – 223
22. Angie DeWaard (Iowa State) – 222
23. Jackson Faust (Houston) – 217
24. Logan Kahler (St. John’s) – 214
25. Robert Henning (Duke) – 214
26. Sara Lockner (Tennessee) – 204
27. Shawn Lockner (Houston) – 202
28. Sarah Karber (Houston) – 202
29. Adam Gordon (Auburn) – 191
30. Ben Baier (Iowa State) – 188
31. Carla Stensland (BYU) – 188
32. Aaron Sader (Michigan State) – 186
33. Jordan Toot (Duke) – 168
34. Will Baier (Wisconsin) – 159
35. JJ Baier (Tennessee) – 145
36. Olivia Baier (Alabama) – 121

Here are some non-interesting break downs, but I’m throwing them out there for Joe Duff (who is my target audience for all meaningless stats if you haven’t figured this out):

• Highest finishing male: Jason Baier
• Highest finishing female: Linda Bennett
• Highest finishing Computer Mine employee: Micky Augustin
• Highest finishing former Computer Mine employee: Jon DeWaard
• Highest finishing former Evil Clown Empire employee: Jason Baier
• Highest finishing blood relative: Linda Bennett (at least I don’t think either of us are adopted)
• Highest finishing Boone Toreador (my era): Lowell Davis
• Highest finishing Boone First United Methodist: Andy Sharp
• Highest finishing *REAL clergy: Sarah Karber
• Highest finishing real one (picked Iowa State): Andree Jauhari
• Highest finishing person that I attended an Iowa State sporting event with this season: Linda Bennett
• Highest finishing person from the Witch Hunt: Micky Augustin
• Highest finishing Iowan: Jason Baier (Huxley)
• Highest finishing non-Iowan: Linda Bennett (Kansas) – She might argue she is still Iowan though.
• Highest finishing Cyclone fan: Jason Baier
• Highest finishing Hawkeye fan: Toby Sebring
• Highest finishing person that has appeared in this year’s THE SELFIE PROJECT: Elizabeth Nordeen
• Highest finishing person to pose for THE 9 EMOTIONS PROJECT: Jesse Howard
• Highest finishing past “The Sara” winner: Derrick Gorshe

There aren’t any trophies for any of those, but I’ll have to get the trophies ordered for Jason and Olivia soon.

Basketball season is barely over and I already miss it so much! I guess the WNBA and NBA Playoffs will have to assuage the emptiness.

*I hate the word “real” the way some people hate the word “moist” or “lovers”. But if you paid ten bucks to an internet website to be “ordained” you ain’t actual clergy. You are cosplaying clergy.