November

November's image.





I also added about 20 pictures to the Flora Album:


Flora


I should point out that because my galleries were victimized by spam, if you decide to register as a user because:

A. You want to comment on an image.
B. You want to rate an image.
C. You want to favorite an image.
D. You like me as a human being.

I do have to approve all new registrations to keep the spammers at bay. Don't be disheartened, I'm pretty quick at approving real people for registration.

You might also notice that you are familiar with most of the images added to the Flora Album. I have finally gotten some of the classics up for your perusal. Including My Giverny and Happiness Shared #01.

November

Reading for a New Year

It is a New Year and soon enough, it will be too cold to go outside and you will need to do more while you are inside than just watching the Cyclones play basketball. May I suggest reading. In fact, while I'm suggesting I'm going to suggest a few websites that are worth your time to read every now and again.

Teresa's blog about crafts: Tea Time
Jesse's website: Live Your Dreams Inc.
Lowell's website: LowellDavis.net
Dawn's poetry: Impassioned Versifier

I think you will find some stuff of interest in all of these diversions.

Advent Study Gift

Teresa and I took part in an Advent Study at church on the 4 Tuesdays of Advent.

At the end of one of the studies, the one that Teresa skipped, George Eckstein came across the room and sat on my couch. He handed me a bag and said that he had a gift more me and Teresa.

I thought this was a little bit strange, but I opened the bag up. What was inside was a very pleasant surprise.





George had come across and old postcard that my dad had made for my dad's postcard company, "Slice of Life". He scanned and printed a couple copies and framed them. It was an awesome present.

Happy Birthday Brandon

Thursday was Brandon's Birthday.





Happy Birthday Brandon.

Thanksgiving

I started Thanksgiving by helping serve the free Thanksgiving dinner with my Mom, Teresa and Logan. I was given the extremely important duty of collecting trays.

After my shift concluded I talked dogs with Karma's former vet Jordan and his family. Even though I know when I get a dog again it will be a Golden Retriever, I was told by one of Jordan's daughters to look into Bulgarian Mountain Dogs.

I really had no intention of doing this, but I was told (incorrectly) that I would be a hypocrite if I didn't do such a thing.

So enjoy this little tidbit from Wikipedia about Bulgarian Mountain Dogs (AKA Caucasian Shepherd Dog):

Powerful and massive, the Caucasian Ovcharka can be a difficult breed for an inexperienced owner, because it respects and obeys only those that it deems superior to itself. They are good with children, but will not see them as their masters. The dog develops a strong bond with its owner but will rarely be submissive; this is truly a thinking dog which relies on its own instincts, sometimes even disregarding its master's directions. A breed with a very quick reaction time and fast protection reflexes, it has even been unfairly described by some as somewhat of a "loose cannon". With proper care, handling and training, this is a well-behaved and obedient family companion.

I have no doubt that such a dog would see me as being superior, but Golden Retrievers are where it is at.

I concluded my Thanksgiving by eating a wonderful dinner and dominating my family in Rack Rummy.

Here are some pictures from the day.


























If you break it down, I had 6 Thanksgiving to attend this week. That is a lot of good and unhealthy eating.

Too Crafty?

Teresa's latest project was too make individualized Christmas booklets for all the members of the family. Well, not for me, but for the other members of the family.





I spent a fair amount of Thanksgiving trying to explain that I don't really care what I get for Christmas. I'm the easiest person in the world to shop for because I like everything and I get too much as it is.

But the actual truth is that what I would really like for Christmas is to find somebody that can challenge me at the game of Rack Rummy.

The Real Real

I've heard a lot of my friends conversing about "real" things lately. I am not going to weigh in on what is "real" camping or "real" cheesecake.

I also heard a rumor about a cribbage game that went down a little while ago.

This makes me want to weigh in on what a real cribbage board looks like.

It look a little something like this:





It almost makes me wish I knew how to play cribbage.

J.M. Barrie

The Brandon Kahler Project: Chapter 4 - Fun with Frames

Here are a couple of special effect pictures of Brandon and a frame.








I would be remiss if I didn't point out that Brandon is wearing the tie I wore in Jen and Derrick's wedding this summer.

The Brandon Kahler Project: Chapter 3 - Day 1 Color

This is a collection of a few of the color images from Day 1 of Brandon's Senior Photo Shoot.

These probably aren't the best pictures from the day, but they are some of my favorites.









































Perhaps this is more a collection of goofy looks on his face, but they are my favorite goofy looks.

Free Shirt

Monday night was the debut of my new bowling shirt. It isn't much to look at. I freely admit this fact. But it is mine and it was free.





This is the first year as a team we have had bowling shirts. Now Patio Pros LLC, might not be the most stylish team in the world, but I guarantee you that we are the most stylish 8th Place team in any league.

I wish I could say that the debut was successful, but Corey's Uncle Daryl took me behind the woodshed. That was to be expected, I am about the worst bowler in the league. Although I seem to bowl much better when Nate shows up. I'm going to have to see to it that he shows up more often.

The Shannon After

Shannon had over a foot of hair cut off her head last Thursday. On Sunday I was able to document this joyous hair loss, but the day was not completely happy.





In the picture above you should try to look past Shannon. You may notice something. Shannon appears to be standing on an abandoned railroad bridge.

My favorite park in Ames is Brookside Park. I don't believe I would be talking out of turn if I were to guess that it is also Shannon's favorite park. We met at the park and walked to this bridge despite the cold temperatures.

The previous Saturday we met there to take her before pictures. We talked about going to this bridge on that day because she was curious about it. She had heard a wildly inaccurate characterization of the bridge from Becky. Becky and I had walked across the bridge one night after a Jaycees meeting.

On that Saturday there must have been about 20 people just hanging out on the bridge. I thought we should give the bridge another try, but it did not end up to be one of my better ideas.





If you take you gaze downward you might notice a few things about Shannon. I mentioned it was cold. The proof can be found in the coat/scarf combination that she was wearing. Although it is stylish, the gloves she is wearing are not for fashion purposes. Shannon was cold.

The particularly observant might notice a couple of other things. In her gloved hands Shannon appears to be holding a bag. The bag contains the hair that Shannon parted with so that she could make a donation to Locks of Love.

If you know this bridge very well, you might be able to gather from the trees behind Shannon, she is standing over water.

I'm sure you can see what is coming, but on this day I did not. When Shannon reached into the bag to pull out her former hair to pose for a picture with it, one of the 8 braids (I have no clue if that is the right word) escaped her stylishly gloved, but frozen hands.

It fell between two railroad ties and into the ice cold stream below.



The lost hair.


It was a heart breaker. I didn't think Shannon would want this to be documented, but she insisted that it be documented.

We managed to get the rest of her former hair put away and left that cursed bridge.

Once we got to dryish land we took some pictures of the her and her former hair.



That is lots of hair.



I repeat. That is lots of hair.


The lost hair didn't take off down the stream immediately. There was some time where it seemed like it might possibly wash near enough to the bank that we could get to it with out descending deep into the near freezing water.



Shannon watching the hair float away.


But it was not to be.

The day was not a complete loss though. There are still 7 locks to be sent to Locks of Love. A wonderful donation.



Plus, Shannon does have a great new hair cut!


I also gave this beanie to Shannon. I hate to part with anything that Teresa makes, but I don't think the colors are for me. Everybody seems to say that the hat looks better on her than me any way. It is probably because it is hard for me to give the badass vibe that I normally emanate when I'm wearing that beanie.

After the photo shoot Shannon helped me to write a CPG for the Ames Jaycee website that I redesigned. I won't bore you with the details, if you aren't a Jaycee you really wouldn't be that interested.

Then we joined my Mom, Carla and Teresa for supper at Jeff's Pizza. If I haven't written about it before, I love Jeff's Pizza. I'm a particularly large fan of their Gyro Guy pizza and their Clones. Clones are pizza rolls and they are fantastic. Better than Gumby's used to make before Gumby's went terribly downhill.

The meal was pleasant despite the fact that the large amount of females at the table insisted on ordering a Chicken Alfredo pizza. I'm going to tell you flat out, chicken does not belong on a pizza. Even the gourmet pizza wizards at Jeff's Pizza could not sway my opinion. I will freely confess that their Chicken Alfredo pizza was the best chicken pizza I have had to date, but it still wasn't a pizza I would want to sit down and take to town.

Thankfully, we ordered a Gyro Guy pizza as well, so I didn't wither away.

The conversation was relatively polite until it inevitably turned into gossip hour about my friends. I was able to put the smack down on that though. We gossiped about Teresa's friends instead.

Truth be known, I don't gossip.

After dinner Shannon and I went to Stephens to see the Jerusalem Symphony Orchestra. It was the first professional symphony orchestra concert I have ever attended. They played 3 pieces of music including a piece by Bernstein and a piece by Copland.

The lights never fully dimmed. This was something I wasn't expecting. Another thing I found odd was that they opened the show by playing the Star Spangled Banner. I've gotten to the point where I only hear the National Anthem at sporting events, so that was a nice little surprise. They followed the Star Spangled Banner with the playing of what I'm going to assume was the Israeli National Anthem.

They concluded the show by playing two encores. Before the encores the conductor of the Symphony Orchestra spoke to the crowd and praised people from Iowa. I guess that was the classical music equivalent of "You rock Ames, Iowa! We wish we could take you with us."

It was a very enjoyable show. I will gladly go see a Symphony Orchestra concert again in the future.

So the night ended on a high after the low of losing the hair. An excellent day at the aggregate level!

Happy Birthday and or Election Day

Happy Birthday to Elainie!





Of course today is also Election Day. I'm not the type that tells people how to think or vote politically. I think everybody knows who I'm supporting.








However, I've never felt it necessary to try and convince people to think like me. I trust that everybody does their own research and comes to the conclusion that best fits their personal value structure.

Now I have to admit that my faith in humanity has not been rewarded very often. It seems to me that most people that I know that study politics seem to engage in optional stopping. They study the issue enough to find enough information to support their side of the issue or to figure out ways to trash the opposition, but don't actually do any real studying to understand both sides of the issue.

I'm sometimes considered an elitist, because there is literally only a handful of people that I'm willing to talk politics too. I'm pretty sure everybody who is on that shortlist knows who they are so I don't need to call them out. They are people that I respect because I believe that they can think logically rather than ideologically.

I think that this is a very exciting time to be following politics. I've cited this fact to a couple of different people and none of them have been very impressed by it, but I think it is incredible. It absolutely blows my mind. (I'm not citing this as a reason to vote for the man, just as an illustration of how far we have come in this country.)

Do you realize that an person that was born from a mixed racial family has the chance to carry Virginia in a Presidential Election? Think about this: at the time that Barack Obama was born, his parents were breaking the law in Virginia.

Those of you that get the Photography 139 calendar and put it up on your wall rather than just shoving it in a desk drawer may have noticed that I always put Loving Day on the calendar.

Many of you may have noticed June 12th was Loving Day, but just thought it was some bogus holiday made up by the greeting card industry to get guys to buy more flowers and chocolates for their ladies.

But is Loving Day about love?

It is in fact about love, but the name comes from a Supreme Court Case and the name of the Plaintiff just happened to be Loving. In 1967, in the case of Loving v. Virginia the Supreme Court made a ruling that legalized interracial marriage in the United States.

In 1958 Mildred Loving and Richard Loving were married in the District of Columbia. They left Virginia to get married because interracial marriage was illegal in Virginia due to the Racial Integrity Act. Upon their return to Virginia, the Lovings were arrested (the story is a little more lascivious than that) and sentenced to one year in prison.

The sentence was suspended on the condition that the Lovings move out of the state of Virginia. They did so, but their case made it to the Supreme Court.

In 1967 the Supreme Court overturned their convictions in a unanimous decision.

Marriage is one of the "basic civil rights of man," fundamental to our very existence and survival.... To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discrimination. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State.

It boggles my mind that within his own lifetime Virginia can have changed so much as to actually maybe consider voting for a man of mixed race.

This is not to say that this country has come all the way on racial matters. It hasn't. Not by a long shot. Not to mention that we have propositions on state ballots in this very election that are based entirely on prejudice (albeit not racial prejudice) such as Proposition 8 in California.

It just makes me hopeful for the country that we can become. Best country in the world? No question. Best country in history? Without a doubt. But there is still work to be done and I hope that Proposition 8 gets defeated in California and we take another step forward as a country.

Like I said, this is a great time to be following politics.

Remember what the great George Bernard Shaw said:

Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.

I hope everybody goes out an exercises their right to be one of the incompetent many. No matter how you are casting your ballot.

Last Home Game

Last Friday was Brandon's final home game. It was the first time that I've been to a Boone High football game since I graduated high school.

It was an interesting experience. Some things have changed. Some surprising things happened. I took some pictures.












Dan



Behind the bleachers fenced off.



Brandon is #78.











I was very surprised to see that the underside of the bleachers are now fenced off. That is where all the good stuff at a high school football game is supposed to happen.

I ran into Dan and had a nice conversation with him. Dan has shaved his head since the last time I've seen him. Not a bad look for him.

I ran into Dan's wife Kim. She thanked me for forwarding on news of her work on attempting to block the strip club/juice bar from coming into town. She was very happy that the news had made it all the way to Illinois. She also revealed the real reason why she wants to stop the strip club/juice bar from coming to town. I'm not sure it is a legitimate reason.

It was also exciting that Sara made it all the way from Des Moines to the game. This was also the first high school football game that Sara has been to since she graduated from Ogden. I honestly can't believe that she came.

Brandon Kahler Project: Chapter 2

More black and white pictures of Brandon.















This picture is meant to be a joke.














Color pictures to be posted soon.

The Brandon Kahler Project: Chapter 1 - Frustration

There are a limited amount of places a guy can go to get real black and white film processed. One of them is a local company that I will not name. I've had very poor results going to them.

But I recently took some film there to get processed from Brandon's senior picture shoot. I did this because despite my better judgment I listened to somebody rave on and on about how great they were.

This was a mistake. Below are some of the images from that roll of film. Some of these pictures I really, really like, even though they wouldn't qualify as your normal Senior Pictures.




































Apparently it is part of their film processing procedures to run the negative through a loose hair and dust bin before they print the pictures.

Kalona (Part 2)

More pictures from Kalona.































































































Have I mentioned how much I love cheese curds lately?

Kalona (Part 1)

Some pictures from the trip to Kalona.






























































The beginning of the trip was a little bit sad. It turns out that one of my favorite restaurants, The Kalona Cupboard, has went out of business. We tried out The Parlor Cafe, but it was not anywhere near as good as The Kalona Cupboard. In fact, they microwaved everything. I mean everything.

If you don't know, I have a pretty big prejudice against food made in the microwave.

On top of that, the "chef" (who both took your order, microwaved it and put it on your plate) asked me if I was an Iowa State fan.

"Yes."

"How much did you guys lose by last week?"

Iowa fans. God love them, if there is any room left for how much they already love themselves.

After the disappointment of the Cupboard closing and the poor food from the Microwave Cafe, we at least found Yotty's Ice Cream Shop. It was excellent.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to this guy:





I don't know where he got his questionable taste in athletic teams...

Happy Birthday Mom!

I thought I would celebrate my Mom's birthday by posting some pictures of her from the 1970s.



I think that might be our old milk truck in the background!



With the best child.



With the middle child.



Out at McHose Park.



Out at the old house on W. 15th Street.



On King.



Doing something to a bird.



On a tractor.



On W. 15th Street.



Swanky lawn ornaments, At least I don't think that is really Quakers.



Doing Dishes.



With Grandma Bennett. Perhaps the only known picture in existence of Mom drinking.*



Christmas with Dad, Carla and Teresa



With the eldest child.


While I was going through this album I found a picture of our crazy old neighbor lady that wanted to push me down a well. I'll have to post her picture in the future.

* I also considered: "I'm Teresa - Look at me! I have to force my way into the picture!"

First Meet

Alexis had her first gymnastics meet on Sunday. She totally ripped it up. Just look at all the precious metal she brought back with her from that other side of the state.



I don't know how she can even stand up!

This is how she did:

• 6th on Floor
• 3rd on Vault
• 3rd on Beam
• 1st on Bars
• 3rd in All-Around

I'm glad that she got all of this athletic ability from the Bennett side of the family.

Her next meet is in Chow's gym AKA where Shawn Johnson trains. That should be a pretty incredible experience.

1928

On Saturday night we celebrated Doris' 80th birthday with a birthday dinner. Not to be mistaken with a birthday party.

It was a good time and it was the first time I had seen Janice and Mary Beth in quite some time.

Janice gave me this cool sticker:





I just need to find a good home for it.

Dear, Beloved, Precious

My Aunt Linda is renting out her acreage. This has caused her to get rid of some of the things in the acreage. I benefited from this downsizing by getting a sweet new table.



Aunt Linda


So I got Steve and Jesse together and we drove over to the acreage and picked up the sweet table.



Steve and Jesse


When we got back to Steve's house he showed me the zucchini that had grown "too large" in his garden and now he is going to allow them to rot.



Too Beaucoup


Apparently Steve feels like when zucchini gets too large the seeds become too hard and Steve doesn't like hard zucchini seeds. I think this makes him soft.



Whatever Jesse does disappoints Steve


So I bid a fond adieu to Steve and Jesse.



Random picture of Steve's flowers

I went home to admire my new table.



The Sweetness


I'm very excited about this table. It is going to make an awesome workspace table some day. It will be perfect for painting, matting and cutting. Plus it has a drawer! The drawer is super long.

Yes I know that nobody else is as excited about this table as I am, but those of you that don't see the greatness of this table can bugger off!

Majors Family Reunion

I made an appearance at the annual Majors Family Reunion on Saturday. I took a few pictures.











I guess I did make it to a reunion this year.

Senior Pictures

Saturday morning I took Brandon's Senior pictures. I'd like to share some of my favorite pictures from that photo shoot.




















It is good to take pictures of somebody that doesn't mind when you need to stop to take some quality frog pictures.

Unhappy in Its Own Way or Happy Alike?

As many of you know, there are many times that I like to fancy myself a wordsmith. However, it is a rare day when I actually practice this skill that I like to believe that I possess.

I often hear the advice that you should write what you know. I used to not believe in this advice because who can possibly know about unicorns and wizards and aliens. But as time has marched along I have realized that the reason that a person must write what they know is because the only way to be a great writer is to write truth. The only way to write truth is to write what you know. Perhaps this is why almost all fantasy and science fiction novels are terrible.

To know me is to know that my 2nd Favorite thing on the radio is the Writer's Almanac. I've lifted a bit of Tuesday's Writer's Almanac on Tolstoy. Tolstoy is the email name of choice for my friend Derrick, but he also wrote the following great line:

"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

I don't know that I believe that this statement is true or not, but it is a great line. When I heard Garrison Keillor read this line it occurred to me that if I ever was to write anything great or true, I should start by writing about my family and our convoluted history.

Don't panic. I'm not going to do that, but it is an idea.

The Tolstoy story is kind of a mixture of sadness and beauty as well. I think that is the way most family stories are in actuality. Most families are not necessarily happy or unhappy, but a mixture of both. Joy and tragedy.

It's the birthday of Russian novelist Leo Tolstoy born on his family's estate in the province of Tula, near Moscow (1828). He led a wild life as a young man. Then in his mid-30s, he decided that it was time to get married.

He began spending a lot of time with a friend who had three available daughters, and everyone expected him to propose to the oldest. But he found himself falling in love with the less attractive but more intelligent middle daughter, Sophia. The closer he got to making a proposal, however, the more panicked he felt. He could hardly think about anything else, and he wasn't at all sure he wanted to go through with it. He wrote his marriage proposal in a letter, but he couldn't bring himself to send it. He kept it in his pocket for 24 hours. He finally got up the courage to go to Sophia's house, but he couldn't even speak. So he just handed her the letter and walked away.

That night Tolstoy suddenly realized that what he really wanted in a wife was someone with whom he could share his most private thoughts, and he decided that if he was going to marry this girl, he would have to let her read his diary. So they set the date for the wedding a week later, and during that week Tolstoy gave Sophia his diary to read. She was excited at first, but by the time she finished reading she was in tears, horrified by his descriptions of brothels and his affairs with peasant girls. Tolstoy asked if she forgave him for his past, and she said she did. He said that she could call off the wedding if she wanted to, but it was impossible to do so because so many people already knew about the proposal.

The marriage was not particularly happy for Sophia. She'd grown up in a cosmopolitan, aristocratic world, and after marrying Tolstoy, she had to live on a rural estate where her husband lived almost like a peasant. His house was extraordinarily simple, with no upholstered furniture and no carpets on the floor. He even wore peasant clothes, when he wasn't entertaining guests.

But for Tolstoy, the early years of his marriage were some of the happiest of his life. The regularity of married life let him settle down to work more steadily than ever before. And in the midst of that happiness, he wrote his first masterpiece, War and Peace (1863). It was the longest and most ambitious novel he'd ever written, and he was only willing to attempt it because he now had his wife to work as his secretary. When he would scribble corrections all over a rough draft, she was the only person who could decipher what his corrections said. Even he couldn't read his own handwriting. She ultimately copied by hand the 1400-page manuscript for War and Peace (1863) four times.

While he was working on War and Peace, free love was becoming fashionable among the Russian upper classes, and everyone started to think of marriage as old-fashioned and silly. Tolstoy was disgusted. In 1872, he heard about a woman who had thrown herself in front of a train after the end of an affair, and he went to view the body at the train station. He never forgot what he saw that day, and it gave him an idea for a novel about a woman whose life is destroyed by adultery.

That novel was Anna Karenina (1877), in which the story of the romance between Konstantin Levin and a young woman named Kitty was based almost entirely on Tolstoy's own marriage. When it was published, most critics said Anna Karenina was inferior to War and Peace, but it is now considered one of the greatest novels ever written. It begins, "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

The part about her copying War and Peace by hand four times just blows my mind. I hardly ever write by hand any longer and the last time I sat down to write somebody a letter, my hand starting cramping on the 2nd page. That was two years ago. I can't imagine how bad it would be by now.

Weekend

I am coming off a 4 day weekend that has drained me in every way that a person can be drained.

I guess the highlight of the weekend was seeing a cousin that I haven't seen in maybe 15 years.





It was definitely a strange weekend for family.

First Family Car Accident

On Thursday night, Johnathan became the first member of the family to total a car. This is a shame for me because I had put all my money on Elainie.

Below are a couple of cell phone photos of the destroyed car.








He was uninjured in the accident. All of that windshield damage was caused by the passenger side airbag.

83

Today my grandma turned 83.

This is about the only old picture I could find of her. My only observation is this: "I know it was the 70s, but I don't know what my Uncle Gary was thinking with this blue tuxedo."

State Fair Olla Podrida

A random selection of pictures from my trip to the State Fair with my Mom, Jay and Teresa.



Ran into Jeff and Yin on the shuttle to the fair.



My new favorite hat.



My favorite State Fair Food. (I firmly believe that "food on a stick" is for tourists.)



Pioneer Hall



My favorite State Fair dessert.



You get to put on your own syrup! As much as you want!



Super Bull



2nd Largest Boar



Goat



Cow nose



Mom in Family Center



Mom in the Family Center



This is a cake.



Also a cake.



Family photo



Bridge



Elvis Impersonator


I didn't take as many pictures as usual, but I did take more flower pictures than normal.

The Eldest Sister

Happy Birthday to my eldest sister, albeit a couple days late!



The old Bennett Antique Shop in the background.


Teresa and Carla


Swanky


Teresa and Mom


Teresa and Dad

Colorado


Teresa and Dad


Colorado


Now by looking at some of those pictures you would guess that Teresa must be like a million years old now. Her friend Rob assures me that she is only 45.*

* I should state that because women are sensitive about their age, Teresa isn't actually 45 either.

Kentucky FAQ

It is time to answer the most common questions I have received about my trip to Kentucky:

What in Heaven would ever possess somebody to go to Kentucky, even for a visit?

Teresa's significant other Ernie lives in Kuttawa, Kentucky. He is a good guy and I wanted to visit him on his own turf. However, the impetus for the trip was a PostSecret art display in Paducah. If you are asking yourself, "What is PostSecret?", most likely you and I aren't all that close.

Is the South as bad as it is portrayed by Hollywood and country music?

I never quite made it to the Deep South. I was always within safe driving distance of the Illinois border. In fact, Kentucky was a border state. They never joined the Confederate States of America. Kentucky tried to be all neutral during the Civil War and never really fronted for the Union either. That mostly makes Kentucky a big coward, but better yellow than a dirty Reb!

That being said, there are things that you hear in Kentucky that are pretty bad:

• "Down there is where the Klan held there parade a couple years ago." (Incidentally, an awesome story about Ernie is that when the Klan held a parade in a neighboring town, he marched up to the Head Inbreeder and asked for an application. That my friends, takes courage.)
• "When they put up the new Courthouse, they had us tear down a tree where they lynched a little black kid. About 100 years ago a white woman was walking down the street and she said that a black kid whistled at her. So they decided to lynch him. However, he worked at a tobacco farm, so the farmer insisted that they wait to lynch him until after the harvest. When the harvesting was done, the townfolk came and got him and hung him from the tree next to the courthouse. That was about 100 years ago. They decided to cut that tree down last year. It was time for a new start."
• "We shouldn't go to Calvert City. They don't like interracial couples in that town."
• "What do you mean you don't keep your gas pack outside?"
• "I reckon..."

With all of that being said, by far and away the worst town that we voyaged through during our time down there was Cairo, Illinois. In fact, Cairo might be the new crappiest town I have ever been in. It certainly gives the towns of Beaver, Fort Dodge and Newton a run for their money.

I do have to give the people of Illinois some credit. Right next to Cairo was a town called Future City. By the looks of the disrepair that has fallen on Future City, the founders are banking on the future to be similar to the futures predicted by movies like Mad Max or Planet of the Apes.

What is a Gravity Pull Hill?

A Gravity Pull Hill is a hill where if you park you car and put it in neutral, some unseen force will push your uphill. We did park Ernie's car at the base of the hill. After a few moments we were pulled uphill.

Now there are a couple of urban legends surrounded this particular hill. One is that this hill is the site of a spot where a man strapped his cheatin' wife to the back of his wagon and drug her to her death. Her ghost pulls your car up the hill.

Another legend is that a man and his daughter had car troubles at this spot. When they got out the car, they were ran over by a truck. It is their ghosts that are pushing your car up the hill.

Another legend states that if you cover your trunk with baby powder, when you get to the top of the hill you will find 6 hand prints on the trunk of the car.

The true scientific explanation for a gravity hill is that it is an optical illusion. Although the hill looks like it goes uphill, it actually goes downhill. Next time I'm in Kentucky I will see if science is telling the truth.

What is the story behind the Abraham Lincoln bust that you busted up?

The guy who lived in the house next to Ernie's passed away recently. Ernie and his sister bought the house for 1500 dollars. They also bought the lot next to it for 200 dollars. Strapped to the front porch of the house was a bust of Abraham Lincoln. I was intrigued by this bust as soon as I saw it.

I couldn't tell who it was from Teresa's car. I figured since we were down South, it was most likely a bust of Jefferson Davis or Lee or Stonewall Jackson. When we got there I didn't know that Ernie owned this house. I thought that somebody lived there and just didn't keep care of their yard. I didn't want to go trespassing just to get a better looking.

I had visions of some dude without teeth coming out with a shotgun telling me to "Get off my land!"

Later I found out that Ernie owned this house and said that I could have the bust if I wanted it. On Sunday I made my way through the yard and up the porch to claim my prize. I was surprised to find out that the bust was actually of Abraham Lincoln.

As I began to work the bust free from the nail that held it down, Abe's head broke off in my hand.

I was aghast. One thought raced across my mind. "I'm one of them now."

How was the PostSecret display?

It was phenomenal. I had seen the majority of the secrets displayed in the books or on the website, but it is a whole different experience to actually see the real cards. I loved it enough, that I'm considering going up to Minneapolis to see the display again when it moves there in a couple of months.

Was Lambert's really worth a 90 minute wait?

You better believe it. It was worth the 90 minute wait plus the 90 minute drive to get there. If you are ever in Sikeston, Missouri do yourself the huge favor and go there and eat. The service was phenomenal. The food was exquisite. The portions were incredible. The fresh hot throwed rolls were perhaps the second best restaurant rolls I've ever had in my life. The sorghum was awesome. I also came to the conclusion that I could live of fried okra until my heart gave out from having a diet consisting entirely of fried food.

I loved it so much that I even bought a shirt.

So you went to a Southern Baptist church service, how was that?

I would go back, if not for the music, for the gay bashing. Seriously, I could have done without the gay bashing, but the music was incredible. In fact, I would go so far as to say it was the second best praise band this guy has ever heard.

It was also long. We arrived at the service at about 11:15. The service started at about 11:30. We ducked out at about 2:30. The service was still going strong.

I'm not sure how many of my other friends would have enjoyed the service. The energy was good. However, it seemed like a lot of the service was entertainment. The praise band played for over an hour. There was an interpretive dance thrown in for good measure.

It was okay, but I don't think I learned anything from going to the service. I learned a lot from a cultural perspective. I don't think I learned anything about Christianity. The sermon was entertaining and it had lots of energy and it got you going, but I don't think that there was a lesson in there that I could use to apply to my life and make myself a better Christian and therefore a better person. I don't even think that there was anything in there to make me think. What is the old saying? "Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."

You went to the Abraham Lincoln Museum. Aren't museums boring?

I have a rule I use when evaluating people. "People that bore easily are boring people." That is on page 17 of my new book: The Wit and Witticism of Christopher D. Bennett.

If I failed to answer your question, hit me up with another question and I'll drop some more knowledge on you.

Back to Civilization