Matthew 25:40

I began this Saturday morning (12-20-2008) by rising out of bed around 5:45 in the morning. I often don't sleep that well, but on this night I purposely slept on the couch so that I wouldn't sleep well and I would get up in time.

I was getting up at this awful time of day because I had to be at the Senior Citizen's Center in Ames by 6:30 to participate in the Jaycee project known as Holiday Food Baskets.

Despite my body's best effort to stop me from getting up, I did manage to fall out off the couch and stumble to the basement and take a shower. I hit the road and made it to Ames at nearly the right time.

The process of Holiday Food Baskets isn't really worth mentioning, but there are aspects of the day that are worth noting.

But before getting to those aspects I should make a confession. Deflation and the rapid falling of gas prices has put more coin in this guy's bank account. I have often noted that deflation is great, if you still have a job.

It is a poor joke and I do have more than a basic understanding of economics to know that deflation and hard economic times for other people could eventually lead to my not having a job. I do work in what is essentially a luxury industry. Nobody's job is safe, especially people that work's for a company thats services are hardly essential.

The Pastors at my church have made doing something about the homeless situation in Boone a priority for our church. As hard is it may seem to believe, Boone County has the 5th highest rate of homelessness in the state of Iowa. What makes the situation worse is that Boone does not have a homeless shelter.

There was one briefly, but the finances were mismanaged and it is no longer in existence. Now the best that Boone has to help its homeless is the Boone Biblical College, but they only take men.

I write these things because these are things that I think about lately and it can really happen to almost anybody.

The need in Story County for Holiday Food Baskets tripled from 2007 to 2008.

Andrea told us a story about a family that seemed financially secure. In 2007 they were teaching their children to buy presents for other children through the Angel Tree program. In 2008, their children were on the Angel Tree.

The first 2-3 hours of Holiday Food Baskets is basically grunt work. It is essential, but hardly rewarding. You do a lot of moving food from place A to place B to place C. After everything is organized, then people start coming in to pick up their Food Baskets.

This is the part of the project that is rewarding and I think it is slightly unfortunate that only a handful of us that participated got to take part in this one aspect of the project.

This aspect was carrying the basket of food from the Senior Center to the person's car. It is important to put a bag or rolls or some apples in a cardboard box, but I don't think you get a sense of what all of this really means or amounts to and why it is important unless you get a chance to interact with the people that are getting the food.

It can also break your heart.

While I was carrying a cardboard box of food across a street to an SUV for a young woman she told me that this box of food was really going to help her family. They had 8 people living in the same house.

It made me feel completely inadequate and helpless at the same time. I couldn't help but look into the cardboard box. Just a few moments ago it seemed like a lot of food.

A handful of apples and oranges.
A bag of celery.
A bag of potatoes.
A bag of carrots.
A ham.
2 cans of something.
A bag of rolls.

All of a sudden I felt that I should have run in and gotten them a second box. I should have gotten them a third box. The ham was nothing to sniff at, but I would be lying if I didn't say that the ham that we had on our Christmas table that fed 9 people was at least 4 times larger than the ham we gave out. I didn't do this though. The bureaucracy of such things precluded that people had to sign in with MICA and people were designated so much food.

I just wished the young woman a "Merry Christmas" and walked back inside. It is my regret that I didn't just go grab another box for this family. It was a regret that would be doubled and then doubled again.

We had made up 200 Holiday Food Baskets. At the end of the event around 50 remained. Here is where my regret doubled the first time.

We loaded up the excess food and took it to MICA. As it turns out, MICA doesn't really have that much capacity for storing frozen hams. Their freezer was already full and they needed to make room. To do this they gave each of us a turkey.

My regret doubled again.

So now I have this turkey weighing on my conscience, but I throw it in the trunk of my car and drive off.

My first stop is Becky's. I'm supposed to stop at her place to pick up some Christmas gifts. Some for me and some for Teresa. What I learn on this stop is that Becky thinks I'm going to end up in a ditch some time in the near future.

I know she has had this fear for quite some time. When Shannon and I went up to Cedar Falls she gave me an extensive quiz on what kind of safety equipment I had in the car in case we went in a ditch. It basically boiled down to a thermos of hot chocolate. This didn't seem to satisfy her.

She packed a gift bag full of food. Every time I would pull a new tin of food out she would tell me to "keep that in my car in case you go in a ditch."

I do not discount the possibility that I might someday go in a ditch, but the closest I've ever come to going into a ditch was in the middle of the summer and the reason why is because I was reading the newspaper while I was driving to work.*

If the weather is bad, I don't read the newspaper.

After I left Becky's I stopped at Shannon's to watch her make Christmas candy. She also bound my calendars for me.

Somewhere in between the "pink stuff" and the experimental caramel (which involved the use of a candy thermometer - who invented the candy thermometer??) the lack of quality sleep on the couch began to catch up to me in a massive way.

I bid my adieu since I was going to Des Moines for supper with Jeff and Yin and I was hoping to get a nap of Wentworthian proportions in before I hit the road.

Then on Sunday morning in church, Phil announced that a new family in Boone was homeless.

And I still have this turkey on my conscience.

*Not counting the skunk story.

Willy's Birthday

On Willy's Birthday I got a couple of unique photos of some friends.

Willy joined Jesse, Frank, Vest and I for lunch. In honor of Willy's birthday Jesse donned the shirt that Jay made to honor Willy. Then he posed with Willy.



Jesse donning Lone Wolf Gear with Lone Wolf


On Wednesday Andy, Melissa, Becky and Grace set up in front of the Fareway in Ames and Nevada to raise money for Holiday Food Baskets.

While I was sitting at Okoboji Grill having lunch, my phone rang (incidentally I was more popular than my mom last month, I had more used minutes on the cell phone bill!)and it was Shannon. Andy and Becky were setting up in Nevada and Grace was hoping I would be able to go over their and get their pictures.

I was not able to do this because I was celebrating Willy's birthday.

However, while I was sitting at work later that day I got a text message. The number was not in my contact list. Every time that I get a text message from a number I don't know it is pornography.

I'm not what you would call a fan of pornography. I understand why it exists (to demean women) but if I were a fan of pornography, I would make certain that I was sending it to a person I knew for sure. But hey that is just me and The Bennett Text Messaging Pornography Policy.

It ends up that the text message was not pornography, but a message from Melissa wanting to know if I could come down and take a picture of she and Grace at the Ames Fareway.

As it turns out, I could.



Melissa and Grace


Incidentally, you can still donate to the Jaycees' Holiday Food Baskets and help feed 200 families Christmas Dinner in Story County.

Visit the Ames Jaycees Website for more information.

Mr. Meeting

As I look at the year that is rapidly approaching, it turns out that 2009 is going to be the Year of the Meeting.

For starters, I will be the Marketing VP for the Ames Jaycees in 2009. That means two board meetings a month in addition to 2 membership meetings a month.

I will also be on the Board of Trustees at the church. I don't know exactly what the Board of Trustees does, but apparently it involves staring at water damage to the ceiling and then voting on it. I vote "yes" that is water damage. I'm not sure how many meetings that will entail, but I'm hoping that it isn't too many.

It also seems like I might end up on the Board of the Methodist Men. I'm not sure if this is a done deal, but I think that the meet twice a month in between church services.

That should be enough meetings for me, I might have to abstain from all meetings in 2010.

As it is, my years working for the Evil Clown Empire conditioned me to hate meetings. We only really had 2 Store Manager Meetings and we rotated through them.

The first meeting I will call the Boat Captain Meeting. The old man that owned the company would give a stirring story about how managers were doing to much work. My favorite was when he compared managers to boat captains.

If you were a captain of a boat and you saw that you were going to slam into something ahead, would a good captain run down into the boiler room and start shoveling coal or would they grab the wheel and steer the ship out of danger?

The point of the meeting was that he wanted more staff added to every shift so that managers could manage rather than shoveling coal.

The next manager meeting would always be about how labor was too high and we needed to cut labor.

This of course would be followed by the Boat Captain Meeting. It was an endless cycle.

The Least of Us

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one. - Mother Teresa

Maybe you hadn't heard, but there are people struggling out there. Maybe you hadn't heard, you can help.

The longest running Ames Jaycees project is the Holiday Food Baskets program. Last year the Ames Jaycees were able to provide 80 families with Christmas Dinner. As the economy has tanked, the number of needy families in Story County has skyrocketed.

The Ames Jaycees are attempting to provide 200 families with a Christmas Dinner this year and you can help. For only 25 dollars you can adopt 1 family and provide them with a Christmas Dinner.

Here is some information that I've taken from the Ames Jaycees website:





As you can see, we are almost halfway to our goal!

Here is the condensed version of the information:

You want to request more information? Email Grace and Melissa at: holidayfoodbaskets@amesjaycees.com.

You are ready to donate? Click the this link: Holiday Baskets Donation Form

Fill out the form, drop it in an envelope, drop in your donation and mail it to the address on the form.

I've heard from two people that are going to donate. I hope to hear from more.

Nonvoting Position

I recently became the Webmaster for the Ames Jaycee websites. Perhaps it is because at times of have been correctly labeled a history nerd (although if you are over the age of 16 and you still feel comfortable using the nerd concept, I feel really bad for you) and improperly labeled a computer guy, but before I could redesign the Ames Jaycees website I did some research on what is used to look like.

I found 3 old-timey header images, that I thought I would like to share.











Even though not a single one of those headers is over 10 years old, they all seem to scream 1987!

It kind of reminds me of the old animated gif days.










The new Jaycee website is fully functional, but there is a tremendous amount of content that still needs to be added. However, I invite you to click on the link below and give it a perusal. You can even fill out a form to get more information about how you to could be a member of the Ames Jaycees (although you do have to be is between the ages of 21-40 and not be incredibly lame):

The Ames Junior Chamber


Truth be known, you can be incredibly lame and still join. I mean the Jaycees are about improvement and who needs improvement more than the incredibly lame?

Shhh...

I don't know if I should be telling you about this, but there is going to be a bonus Half Shell this Friday. Now you won't find it on the poster or the magnet, but you have to take my word on this one.

The band is going to be 35 South. They are a southern rock cover band. You might know this band because their lead singer is Dennis. You might remember Dennis as a guitarist in the band UnHingd or as one of the singers in Against the Grain.

Even if you don't like Skynyrd or Marshall Tucker, you should come check them out because they have, bar none, the best sound guy in the history of sound guys. That is correct Derrick Gorshe. Seeing this man work a soundboard is worth the 3 dollar price of admission.

As usual, the show will be from 5-8 at Bandshell Park near downtown Ames.

Now, I can't be there because I will be in Kentucky, so some of you are going to have to go and watch Derrick for me. It will definitely be worth it.

Kountertop Pictures

If you like pictures like this...






Then it is time for you to go over to the Snapshots Gallery. There are more pictures over there in the Ames Jaycees Album.


Snapshots Gallery

Friday with Kountertop

Friday night was another successful Ames on the Half Shell. The band was Kountertop and they were phenomenal. I even had a chance to catchup with an old chum named Todd Sawyer who is a Kountertop roadie. That was pretty sweet.













































I haven't loaded any images into the Snapshots Gallery yet, so don't go running over there. That will happen in due time.

Friday may have been my Half Shell swan song. I don't think I'll be able to make it to this Friday's Half Shell. I'm going to spend Thursday and Friday in Cedar Rapids with a small group from my church getting covered in dry wall and black mold. I'm not sure I will make it back to Ames in time to work Half Shell. Even if I did, I'm not sure what I would smell like.

So that means at least a couple of you are going to have to go to Half Shell and drink my share of the Red Monkey Root Beer. This week's band is the 3AM Band. As always the event runs from 5-8 at Bandshell Park near beautiful downtown Ames, Iowa.

Saucy Jack

Below are pictures from Ames on the Half Shell last Friday with Saucy Jack.






























There are about 20 more images from that night in the Snapshots Gallery in the Ames Jaycees Album.


Snapshots Gallery


This Friday is Kountertop. If we don't get rained out, it will most likely be my last Half Shell of the season. So come on down! It is just possible that I might buy you a drink.

Independence Day

It was a busy 4th of July.

I started the day at about 9 AM by moving mortars into place. Then at 10:30 I went over to Half Shell to help set up and serve beer until about 3 PM.

Check out some pictures from Half Shell.



Shannon and Matthew



Scott with the 1st Beer of Half Shell



Becky and Jenny



I switched from my "Beat Iowa" hat to a "Beer Nuts" hat for this Half Shell.*



Burnin' Sensations



Sarah finishing off the pepperoni pizza that she didn't want to be "too eager" for.



I don't know what is going on in this picture.


At 3 I headed back to the fireworks area to set up sandbags. Fireworks was a very educational experience. For starters, fireworks don't look anything like I thought they would look like. I thought they would look like giant bottle rockets or like the big red rockets that Wile E. Coyote shoots at the Road Runner. Instead, they look like this:



Fireworks?


The main thing I learned though was that being in the pit or ground zero of a fireworks display is about a million times more entertaining and fun than watching a fireworks display.

To let off fireworks there is a dress code. You are required to wear boots, long pants, a cotton long sleeve shirt (polyester will catch on fire), a hard hat, safety glasses and ear protection. Even with all of that clothing and protective gear it is hard to put into words how powerful and loud the fireworks are in the pit. It is an intense experience.

I was really down in the pit to take some pictures. However, I was ordered to set off a couple of fireworks. So I set off three.

After we finished some clean up I went over to Jen and Derrick's traditional 4th of July barbecue. I was asked the same question a few different times while I was there:

"Which fireworks did you light off?"

Shannon would usually answer the question: "The good ones."

Although I enjoy her vote of confidence, that answer has no basis in fact. The truth is that you never get to see the fireworks that you light off. In fact, you barely ever see any fireworks at all. You feel them. You hear them. You never see them.

The steps to setting off the fireworks prevent you from ever seeing them. When you go to light off the fireworks you are handed a 5 or 6 foot pole with a road flare taped to the end. You approach the mortars with the flare pointed away from the fireworks. When you get near the fireworks you remove the protective sleeve that covers the fuse. Then you take a few steps back and light the fuse with the flare. As soon as the fuse starts to light, you turn your back to the fireworks, get low and move away from the mortars.

While you are moving away from the fireworks, there is another person acting as a spotter. The spotter tells you when it is okay to go light another fuse or to get down. Trust me, you definitely know when the shell has shot into the sky. You feel it. However, there are a couple of things that could go wrong. The shell could blow up in the mortar or the shell can come a few feet out of the mortar and then blow up. If these things don't happen, you get to go back and light off more fireworks. But you never really get to see the fireworks that you light.

Here are a few pictures from the pit:



Joe packing mortars.



Charby moving boxes of fireworks.



Shannon putting foil on the Grand Finale mortars.



The line moving away from the explosion is the flare.



Fireworks



More fireworks



Peggy setting off fireworks.



Shannon watching.



Grand Finale aftermath.


Of course there are about 80 more pictures in the Snapshot Gallery in an album named "Independence Day".

Snapshot Gallery


When I concluded my evening at Jen and Derrick's barbecue I found out that something pretty major had happened in my absence. However, that is not my tale. All I can tell you is that congratulations are in order next time you see them.


One last story.

While I was walking around Half Shell taking pictures two girls came up to me.

"Do you want to take our picture?" they asked.

"Why would I want to take your picture?"

"Because we are so cute."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah!"

"I can take your picture."

I'll leave it to you to make your own assessments about the level of cuteness these girls possess.





I have a feeling this is how the Girls Gone Wild guy got started.

*I bought a new hat for this coming Half Shell on Saturday. I think it is perfect.

Grand Finale

Somebody posted a video on YouTube of the Grand Finale of the Ames Jaycees Fireworks Show. I thought I would throw it up over here in case you missed the Grand Finale because your boyfriend was distracting you by proposing to you.

Of course I have to give the disclaimer. If you subscribe to this blog via RSS Feed or by e-mail, you will have to go to the website to see the video.





Seeing this video is actually the first time I really go to see the Grand Finale myself. However, more on that when I get more time.

Box Brothers

Ames on the Half Shell was rain shortened on Friday night. At least we got in about half of the concert. I only had to go on stage to make a brief speech about our sponsors when it started to rain. I didn't get a chance to announce last call or really make the FULL sponsor speech. I also was denied the chance to announce last call. Oh well, I still got to do the radio interview for 105.1. I think I came off as a tad bit arrogant.

Here are some pictures.
































There are about 40 more images in the Snapshot Gallery in an album called AOTHS-Box Brothers.


Snapshot Gallery

Ames on the Half Shell is a bit different this week. Since Friday is Independence Day there are a ton of stuff planned for downtown Ames by the Main Street Cultural District. Half Shell will run from 1-6 instead of 5-8. The bands will be Burnin' Sensations and The Nadas.

Vivace

Friday was another successful night at Ames on the Half Shell. Well over 400 people came out to see Vivace. I worked admissions and checked IDs, so I didn't take as many photos as normal. Below is a sampling:



Little White Lye Soap Promotional Cup (changes colors)





























Of course there are a few other images in the Snapshots Gallery in the Ames Jaycees Album.


Snapshot Gallery


This week the band at Ames on the Half Shell is Box Brothers. A bonus source of amusement for you is (if I read the spreadsheet correctly) that I am the person that goes on stage to introduce the band.

Ames on the Half Shell is also a collection site for Flood Relief Donations. If you are looking to donate some items to help out fellow Iowans that were affected by the floods, you can bring the following items to Half Shell on Friday:

• Toiletries - for 3,000 individuals
• deodorant
• toothpaste/ tooth brush
• shampoo/ conditioner
• combs/ brushes
• hand sanitizer
• pillows / sheets/ blankets
• diapers
• baby food
• underwear
• socks
• Cleaning supplies (mops - buckets - cleaners - rags)
• Bug Spray

The items donated at Half Shell will be distributed to the areas hardest hit by the flooding. You can also make donations to the Red Cross at the door.

Video from Friday

If you subscribe to this blog via RSS Feed or e-mail, you will actually have to go to the website to see the video embedded below:






This video is a rough cut from Ames on a Half Shell from last Friday. My friend Mike Vest came down and shot some video of the event for us.

Although this was actually the highlight of the night:

Burnin' Sensations

Last Friday was another hugely successful night for Ames on the Half Shell. The band was Burnin' Sensations and they were phenomenal. Here are a few pictures from the evening.



Abi and Melissa



Dennis



Sara



Birthday Girl



Scott



Derrick



Burnin' Sensations



Chad



Andy and Charby



Working the Picnic Table



Possibly Discussing an UnHingd Reunion?


Every once in awhile when I'm editing pictures I find something that amuses me in a picture that was completely unintentional. Sometimes that happens when I'm not really concentrating, but just taking pictures quickly. One of those pictures above amuses me in just such a way.

I took a picture of one of the singers from Burnin' Sensation out working the crowd. I was impressed by this because they were the first band to really work the crowd in such a fashion.





I think if there was somebody standing on top of my table playing a tambourine, I would probably be so impressed I would watch them, but that isn't the case for everybody. Some people would rather text message.





I also made a panoramic image of the event. These are really hard to post because of their extreme width. So below I spun this image counterclockwise 90 degrees so that you can at least go through the image to some degree. It is also compressed to about 10% of its actual size. In its full resolution it is much crisper.





Of course there are about 40 more images in the Snapshots Gallery in an album named AOTHS-Burnin' Sensations. It is located right next to the Family Night Photo Album.


Snapshots Gallery


I should also point out that I had a new life experience on Saturday. To say it was my life experience isn't really fair, but I overheard something that I thought I would never hear, not even in Iowa.

After a long discussion about life with Becky on her sweet front porch, I made my way down to Tradewinds for the conclusion of Shannon's birthday shindig. While I was there I was sitting at a table where a creepy guy was putting the "moves" on a lady friend.

One of the things he said to impress her was that he was once up to his nipples in pig feces. I guess you go with what you got, but if that is what you got, maybe you should lie.

Of course, it all happens again this Friday. Not the pig poo guy, but Ames on the Half Shell will happen again this Friday. 5-8 at Bandshell Park. 3 bucks gets you in the door. Another 3 bucks gets a beer in your hand.* 1 buck gets you some Red Monkey.

This week the band is Vivace. They are also excellent. They are one of the two bands that I booked. I got to play hardball with them. The conversation went something like this:

Me: So how much do you charge?
Vivace: XXXXXX bucks. A little more for an outdoor show.
Me: Well this is an outdoor show.
Vivace: Well we can keep it the same.
Me: Sounds like a deal.

Hope to see some of you there. Even my Corporate Sellout friends.

*Technically 3 bucks gets you an orange token that magically gets turned into beer at the beer tent.

Family Night

Last Friday was Family Night for Ames on the Half Shell. By all measurable criteria the event was a smashing success. More than twice the amount of children made it to Family Night this year than last.

Plus I got to see many of my friends and their children. Take a look at some of the fun that was had on that evening.










































Of course there are about 80 more pictures in on my website in the Snapshots Gallery.


Snapshots Gallery


Of course you know that once you get to the Snapshots Gallery you can register to become a "User". Being a "User" allows you to comment on pictures, favorite pictures, rate pictures and see the Private Photo Albums.

Here is a Family Night Fun Fact. Despite the fact that there were 5 times the amount of children at Family Night than there were for the first night of of AOTHS and Red Monkey was free for children, less than half the amount of Red Monkey that was consumed on the first night was consumed on Family Night.

If you picked up what I was laying down with that big run-on sentence, you might be wondering how that was possible. The fact is that I am to blame. I laid off the Red Monkey during Family Night because I thought the youth of Central Iowa would pick up my slack. They did not. Now I have to hit the Red Monkey doubly hard this Friday night to make up for lost time. But I mean really, what is wrong with this generation?

I also learned a few things on Family Night. I learned that Shannon can't blow bubbles. I learned that if you sign up to run the 5K during Scandinavian Days they give you a pretty sweet free shirt. I learned that Becky proved that she doesn't know anything about hats because she wore a balloon hat around most of the night. I learned that even if you have somebody watching the bounce house, children will get in a fight and scare other small children. I learned that the Baier children will take their tats like men when the time comes for them to get their tats. I learned that security is such a tough job that I didn't get a chance to talk to everybody nearly as long as I had hoped.

Of course I would be remiss if I didn't point out that Ames on the Half Shell will happen again this Friday night. This week the band is Burnin' Sensations and they are excellent. If you have a hole in your schedule between 5-8, this is the place to be. Also Friday is somebody's birthday. I don't wish to embarrass them (yet), but at the very least it is worth the price of admission (79 cents less than a gallon of gas) to wish her a Happy Birthday!*

Plus it is Friday the 13th. I'm not a superstitious person, but it might be a good day to be in a large crowd.

*That exclamation mark is not a random choice of punctuation.

Friday Night is Family Night

If you are sitting around your home with nothing to do with a flock of kids by your side this Friday night, then I have good news for you!

This Friday is Family Night at Ames on the Half Shell and there are plenty of activities for children.

In fact, I'll just give you a list:

• Free cup and unlimited refills of Red Monkey root beer. (Red Monkey is caffeine free)
• 1 ticket for every child to the duck pond. At the duck pond child will receive a prize.
• Face Painting
• Temporary tattoos
• Bubbles
• Coloring table
• Balloon lady (My understanding is that this is the balloon lady to end all balloon ladies.)
• Bounce house
• Spin Art (Costs a buck I do believe and worth every last one of those pennies.)
• Pizza (from Happy Joe's I do believe.)
• Sno-Cones (This has yet to be confirmed, but this will be a fundraiser for Access.)

Of course there are also adult activities.

• Rocking the stage will be Murphy's Law
• Pizza (from Happy Joe's I do believe.)
• Spin Art (Costs a buck I do believe and worth every last one of those pennies.)
• Beer (Including two microbrews from Olde Main and a chick drink known as a Mojito*)
• Red Monkey (This is the best root beer ever.) There are other sodas available, but why would you want them when you have Red Monkey on tap?
  

The event kicks off at 5 PM and lasts until 8 PM. It is in the Bandshell Park near downtown Ames. This is followed by an After-Hours Party at London Underground.

Admission is 3 bucks and children under the age of 10 get in free.

I will see you there.

*When I was serving beer last week more men than I would have guessed ordered Mojitos. I don't think that they were all ordering them for their girlfriends or ladies they were trying to impress.

Redzband

Friday was the first Ames on the Half Shell event of the season. I have to say I was surprised by the large turnout considering that Ames was flooded. Below are a handful of pictures from the event.

















Of course there are a few more pictures in the Ames Jaycees Album in the Snapshots Gallery.


Snapshots Gallery


This week at Ames on the Half Shell is Murphy's Law. It is also Family Night. I understand that there is a slew of awesome things for kids to do, but I'll write more on those later.

A few of you have told me that you will be coming out for Family Night. I look forward to seeing you there and hope a few more of you make the trip out as well.

Magnetic Moment

Tonight at the Ames on the Half Shell meeting we got the new magnets for this coming season. Opening Night is less than 2 weeks away.





I have a few of these magnets that need a good home. If you can put one of these up in a public place where other people can see it and think: "hmmmm.... I think I would like to go check out Ames on the Half Shell this Friday" or at least can pledge to come to at least one event and would like one of these snazzy magnets, let me know and I will hook you up.

I still stand by my advice that if you have a family you should at least come to the Family Night on June 6. There is going to be a ton of cool stuff for children to do. Did somebody say: Hold their parents beer?

There will be other cool stuff as well, but all of the details have yet to be hammered out. Keep tuned to this frequency for further updates.

If you don't have a family, I would urge you to come check out Kountertop on July 18. They are the band that I had the most influence in booking and would like to see a large crowd of people there to support them.

Think it over and let me know if you can help us out by helping the magnets get the word out.

Playing in the Mud

Tonight was the night that the Jaycees planted and tended to our Flower Garden in Brookside Park. 3 of us showed up to do it. Here are some dark and grainy and poor pictures from the experience.

















I'll most likely post pictures of the flowers as the year progresses or you can go to Brookside Park and get your own update.

Just Another Computer Guy

It has been over a week since The Great Insult. I have yet to fully recover.

To recap The Great Insult.

It was during a break in the fast paced action of the Ames Jaycees Sandbox Fill. I was sitting in the backseat with Jamie. We had been getting along famously, even exchanging the occasional high five. Then things turned ugly.

Somewhere along the way the discussion turned to vocations. It is possible that Shannon had asked one of her favorite questions: "Do they know that they pay you to do nothing?" I can't remember the exact events that transpired before The Great Insult, but I know how The Great Insult went down.

Jamie asked, "What do you do for a living?"

"I work for a small software company that makes software for child torturers. I work in the hardware department building computers and such."

"You seemed like a Computer Guy."

What? I immediately took offense to this statement. It was pointed out to me that I work for a computer company and by default that makes me a Computer Guy. Especially when I work in the hardware department. I can't argue that my job might make me a computer guy. I accept that fact. I embrace it.

On the other hand, it is an entirely different ball of wax to be putting out the vibe that I'm a Computer Guy. This is the way the conversation should go:

"I work for a small software company building computers and such."

"That surprises me."

"Why is that?"

"I would have guessed that you were a fighter pilot or stunt motorcyclist or snake handler or tortured artistic genius. I never would have guessed in my wildest dreams that you were just another computer guy."

It is one thing to be a Computer Guy. It is entirely a different thing for people to look at you and think that it makes sense that you are a Computer Guy.

This is a Computer Guy to me:

• Owns more than 1 guitar for Guitar Hero
• Took the day off that GTA 4 came out
• Own multiple video game systems

Maybe I'm thinking of a Video Game Guy and not a Computer Guy. Believe me, they are not the same. Video Game Guy doesn't have any useful skills. Darn it! Now I'm sticking up for Computer Guy. Let me try again:

• Can't put together full sentences.
• Doesn't own a clean shirt.
• Doesn't bathe all that much.
• Can tell you jokes in binary.
• Can't sustain eye contact.
• Laughs nervously at own attempts at humor.

I am very fluent, hilarious, always smell great (thanks to Little White Lye Soap), sustain eye contact when I want to and own numerous clean shirts. So you see, I'm clearly not a Computer Guy. I just play one at work.

False Snake Hype

I have been looking forward to today for quite some time.

After church Lowell and I attended a Methodist Men board meeting. I learned a lot about our future activities. We are serving the food at the Mother-Daughter Banquet this coming Saturday. We are serving Fellowship in the month of June. We are running the Church Food Stand for some Cattle Shows coming up. We are serving breakfast during one of the days of the coming tractor rally. So there are a lot of things going on this Summer. The convenient part is that most Methodist Men activities take place on Saturdays so it won't be a scheduling conflict with Ames on the Half Shell.

At 2 PM Teresa and I showed up for an Exclusive Series Preview of the upcoming season at Stephens. I was a little bit worried that we had wandered into a nursing home tour when we got in line to get our packet of information. We were the youngest people in the line by at least 40 years. Well by 50 years for me.

The presentation was on the stage at Stephens. I haven't been on the stage at Stephens since High School. From the stage you can really see what a beautiful auditorium it is and can tell why it is the Building of the Century.

They did a little program and announced the upcoming season:

• September 24 - Sweeney Todd
• November 2 - Vanguard Jazz
• November 6 - Movin' Out
• November 9 - Jerusalem Symphony
• November 23 - Lorie Line and her Pop Chamber Orchestra
• December 3 - Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
• December 18 - A Skaggs Family Christmas
• January 25 - Goodnight Moon/Runaway Bunny
• February 8 - The Peking Acrobats
• February 13 - The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee
• February 20 - To Kill a Mockingbird
• March 27 - Blue Note Records Tour
• April 9 - The Drowsy Chaperone
• April 14-15 - Stomp
• May 1 - Australian Chamber Orchestra

From our preliminary discussions it seems that Teresa and I are slightly at odds as to what we want to go see. The one event I know that I want to see for sure is the Blue Note Records Tour. Teresa isn't overly interested in that one. For some reason she thinks that Kenny G. and David Sanborn is jazz. Perhaps, I have a friend out there that likes real jazz that I might be able to persuade into going.

At the end of the presentation they asked everybody to look at the back of their folder. If you had stickers on the back you won a door prize. Teresa had stickers on the back of her folder. I was expecting some cheesy door prize based on the lousy corporate events I had attended in the past, but what Teresa won was pretty sweet. She won 2 free tickets to see the Jerusalem Symphony (over a $100.00 value) and a couple of their CDs. So on November 9th, we will be going to see the Jerusalem Symphony for free and you can't beat that with a stick.

Roland

After the presentation we went up to Roland to check out the new house that Monica and Jeff are renting. When we got there we were warned to watch the grass because they had seen snakes everywhere in the yard. I was excited. I haven't seen a snake yet this year. I looked all over the yard (even in a compost pile) but I didn't find a single snake, let alone snakes. I was the victim of false snake hype.

I got the nickel tour of their new domicile. Monica, Jeff, Suzie and Cassie were painting. I grabbed a few pictures of them at work. I always love watching other people work.

Sweet Windmill. I think it needs to be sanded down and painted, but Monica thinks it looks awesome rusty. I respectfully disagree. It looks awesome rusty if you are going for some kind of Nouveau Texas Chainsaw Massacre look, but a splash of bright red would really do wonders for this thing, but it isn't mine.

Suzie slacking off.



The bathroom color.



Jeff painting the master bedroom.



Monica crawling.



Suzie playing with the masking tape.



Cassie painting the living room.


I think it is going to a pretty sweet place when they are done painting.


Ames on the Half Shell

The Band Selection Committee that I was on that kind of half ass did our job and has completed its work. Here is the list of bands that are going to be playing Ames on the Half Shell.

• May 30 - Redzband
• June 6 - Murphy's Law (Family Night)
• June 13 - Burnin' Sensations
• June 20 - Vivace
• June 27 - Box Brothers
• July 11 - Saucy Jack
• July 18 - Kountertop
• July 25 - 3AM Band

If you can only make it to one Ames on the Half Shell event this year, I urge you to attend Kountertop. They are excellent. Unless you have small children. In that case, come on June 6 and see Murphy's Law on Family Night. There are going to be a lot of cool things for small children on Family Night.

Ames Jaycees Sandbox Fill

Saturday was the big annual Ames Jaycees Sandbox Fill. I'm going to try to combine a couple of different things together to describe the event and I'm not sure it is going to come together exactly right.

So like I was saying, Saturday was the big annual Ames Jaycees Sandbox Fill. We met up at the Salvation Army at about 8:30 in the morning. We were split up into two teams: Team 1 and Team 2. I was assigned to Team 2. I felt that our team name was not indicative of our dominance in the realm of sandbox filling and was an attempt by Team 1 to claim a superiority that they hadn't earned at the handles of a wheelbarrow. I suggested that we change our team name to Team Kicks Team 1's Ass. I'm not sure we ever really made a decision on our team name.

Regardless of the fact that out team name did not indicate such, we were filled with powerhouses:

• Shannon (Team Leader)
• Melissa
• Jamie
• Adam
• Jason
• Keith

We ended up dominating the morning and early afternoon by any meaningful criteria. We filled two more sandboxes than they did, including 1 that wasn't even on our list of assigned sandboxes and 1 that was on Team 1's list. We also finished up well before they did, despite a couple of hiccups that were not the fault of anybody on our team.

An a downer note, I was also told that I seemed like a Computer Guy. I don't think that I've ever been so insulted in many a year.

Monday morning came around and I started exchanging e-mails with my chums from The Principal Group. I let it slip out that I had stood around the Salvation Army parking lot for about 25 minutes on Saturday morning.

Russell jumped onto this little tidbit:

You appear to be loitering or are involved in some sort of drug trafficking scheme. Am I the only one who felt this needed explaining?

I wrote back:

It was actually public service. Saturday was the Jaycees Sandbox Fill. We met at the Salvation Army. Look below to see a not very good picture of me from Saturday.

The Me Not Looking So Good Picture


To which Russell replied:

You still appear to be committing some sort of criminal activity. The other person has a do rag, and when the do rag comes out, it’s never above board. How long have you worked for the mafia, Chris?

And Andree added:

I believe that Chris was indeed working. He's a photographer, thus knows when to stop working and how to pose when a photo-op arrives to make himself as photogenic as possible given the circumstances.

And Baier added:

Doesn't anyone else think that Chris looks added to this picture; to make it seem like he did a public service? Really; what kind of person who is actually working with a wheelbarrow smiles?

Then Russell added this:

Why the hell is she doing the digging and you’re holding a wheelbarrow? Be a man and get your hands dirty!

To which I was forced to respond:

I don’t know what is more manly, but moving a wheelbarrow full of sand is not work for the faint of heart. It is a manly and strenuous job. But if you must know, I did my fair share of raking. See picture below:

Look! My hands are dirty and now it is more difficult to eat donuts.


Now I'm going to step back from The Principal Group for a moment. There was one moment that kind of soured the day. There was a moment of prejudice and bigotry that made the day a little bit sad. The type of prejudice and bigotry that I thought that this great nation of ours had moved beyond, but I'm going to regale you with the tale because at least one member of Team Kicks Team 1's Ass found it to be a hoot.

A customer of ours saw Jamie pushing a wheelbarrow.



Jamie and her Wheelbarrow


The customer approached Shannon and asked her this bigoted question:

What do you call a woman doing a man's job?

I don't know.

Lazy.

Let us put that sad story of prejudice and move back to the e-mails of The Principal Group.

After I sent out the picture of my raking, I figured I would be inundated with apologies, but that didn't happen.

Russell responded thusly:

And in this picture you’re face is enshrouded in darkness. And how cruel is it to be burying merchandise and stolen goods underneath children’s playground equipment? Have you mafia types no shame?

I responded:

Perhaps you would like to sign on and help for next year? Stolen merchandise just won’t bury its self.

For the record, I now have a prejudice against sandboxes that are underneath play equipment, where the slide doesn’t move out of the way.

Russell's reply:

I will volunteer if there aren’t a lot of kids running around. The Big Hu-Hot has never been an patient man. And the Big Hu-Hot will also not work in inclement conditions, but is not opposed to some muscle work if it’s for a good cause or a percentage of any profits. My do rag is black, though, not lily white, so I’d be naturally worried that would cause a conflict.

So perhaps next year I might be able to get Russell out there to move some sand around.

I do have more pictures of the event. You can click on the picture below, or the link below the picture and it will take you to my Snapshots Gallery. After that all you have to do is click on the Ames Jaycees Album and get to perusing.





Photography 139 Snapshots Gallery


A few things for you to consider about the Snapshots Gallery. You can now register to use the Snapshots Gallery. The only thing that is required is a valid e-mail address.

In the upper right hand corner, there is a link that says "Register". Just click on that, agree to my terms and conditions and then fill out some information. An e-mail will arrive in your inbox that tells you how to complete the registration process. Here is a hint: It involves clicking on a link in the e-mail.

Once you have registered, you can Login. Here are the benefits of registering:

• Unlock Private Albums
• Edit Personal Profile Information
• Leave Comments on Pictures
• Rate Pictures
• Favorite Pictures
  

This Gallery is still under construction (meaning new pictures are added daily), but it is fully functioning.

If for some reason you don't get an e-mail to activate your account, then just e-mail me and I'll activate your account.

Also, if you have an account for the Artistic Photo Gallery, that doesn't mean you have an account for the Snapshots Gallery. The galleries are controlled by separate databases (in actuality separate tables) and therefore you need to create separate accounts for both. However, you can still use all the same information for both.

Any way, that is enough computer garbage. You'll figure it out, I'm starting to sound like a Computer Guy, but that is a bit of unpleasantness to discuss in the future.

Acceptance

I got home from a Jaycees meeting tonight. We were able to hammer out the details of the band contract. This was actually way more difficult than I figured it would be. It included some quite lively debate about whether or not we should follow the law or not.

I got home and saw an envelope from my bank (Bank of the Bear). I was expecting this letter but was not expecting what was inside. Apparently my bank, that hasn't been all that good to me in the past, is actually willing to throw me a ton of cash to buy a house.

This was pleasant, but now I have to start actually doing some research and start saving up some funds for the expenses. At least I have the money and I know who my realtor is going to be. That much of the process is done.

Thursday Night with Kountertop (Pt. 4)

I can't lie. I was shocked that Jeff was actually signed up.

He began to make the slow walk up to the stage. He was staggering and was having difficulty making it. In fact he was so slow getting up on stage that the David Lynch character wannabe in the corner kept saying his name over and over again.

I should point out what I may have failed to point out earlier. Although this was a form of karaoke, there was not a monitor that told you when or what to sing. They offered you a sheet of paper with the lyrics printed on it, but that will only take you so far if you don't know when you are supposed to sing those words.

As Jeff made the long stagger up to the stage I proclaimed to my table:

"Watch this! This is my boy! He is going to sing Last Dance with Mary Jane. It is going to be awesome."

Jeff finally made it to the stage. He didn't have a sheet of paper. He didn't need a sheet of paper. This man was a lead singer. He was big back in 1993. He once opened for Sheila E.!

I assume that most readers are somewhat familiar with the song Last Dance with Mary Jane or as it is actually titled: Mary Jane's Last Dance. The song goes something like this:

She grew up in a Indiana town,
Had a good lookin’ mama who never was around.
But she grew up tall and she grew up right
With them Indiana boys on an Indiana night.

Well she moved down here at the age of eighteen,
She blew the boys away; was more than they’d seen.
I was introduced and we both started groovin’
She said, “I dig you, baby, but I got to keep movin’ - on.
Keep movin’ on.”

Chorus:
Last dance with Mary Jane, one more time to kill the pain.
I feel summer creepin’ in and I’m tired of this town again.

Well I don’t know but I’ve been told, you never slow down, you never grow old.
I’m tired of screwin’ up, tired of goin’ down,
Tired of myself, tired of this town,
Oh my, my, oh hell yes - Honey put on that party dress.
Buy me a drink, sing me a song,
Take me as I come . cause I can’t stay long.

Chorus

There’s pigeons down on Market Square,
She’s standing in her underwear.
Lookin’ down from a hotel room,
Nightfall will be coming soon.
Oh my, my, oh hell yes, you got to put on that party dress.
It was too cold to cry, when I woke up alone.
I hit my last number, I walked to the road.

Chorus

Jeff took the microphone. Kountertop started playing the song. When it came time for Jeff to start singing, he opened his mouth and the following came out. Well, this is an approximation of what came out:

"shoen aoind aodnin daguiw aneal nakdn"

It was complete gibberish. It is possible that he got about every fifth word right, but the rest was absolute drivel. He didn't get better as he went along. He continued to allow gibberish to escape his lips, then he would get lost.

To defend my boy, Jeff wasn't the first person to get completely lost. Whenever somebody would get lost, Kountertop would start singing until they found their place again. They had to help Jeff out about 3 or 4 times. Whenever they would start singing, he would start crooning along again. He would get the rhythm correct and I would say be in the ballpark of the notes. But the noises that came out of his mouth that should have fit together to form words and phrases seemed to be random noises. They fit together to only make more random noises.

But to defend my boy Jeff once again, I don't think he was the worst performer of the night. Before him was a girl that performed the Limp Bizkit version of Faith. Not only could she hit a note, she didn't know the lyrics past the first verse and she didn't know the way the song went. She didn't have the rhythm of the song. She came in at the wrong spots. She didn't come in when she was supposed to come in. I felt bad for her. I'm sure many people have done karaoke and thought that they knew a song and nailed it for one verse, but then realized "I have no clue what comes next". In this situation she didn't have a monitor to help her out. Kountertop helped her out, but by the end of the song she was just standing on stage screaming. I suppose that is not completely inconsistent with Limp Bizkit though.

To further defend my boy Jeff, people at my table compared his performance to Bob Dylan. I have been to a Bob Dylan concert. I have walked out on a Bob Dylan concert after 4 songs. I did this in Bob Dylan's hometown. When my group walked out of the concert, the ushers tried to stop us.

"Where are you going?"

"As far away from this garbage as we can get."

"If you leave you won't be able to get back in."

"You promise!"

"You guys don't like Bob?"

"Why can't you just move and let us leave? No we don't like Bob. He sucks. He is a synonym for overrated."

When we got outside some of us gave our tickets to a homeless guy. Although it was a chilly October night and I don't think that they let him in to the show, I consider that to have been an act of cruelty and not an act of charity.

So as Jeff got lost and Kountertop helped him out again I said, "No. At least this is funny. Bob Dylan is just sad."

Mercifully for most of the patrons of People's, the song did eventually come to an end. Jeff staggered off stage right. I wondered if I would talk to him the rest of the night. He had to know that his performance was subpar, even for karaoke standards. I figured that there was at least a fair chance that he might just collect his things and tried to drag what remained of his dignity home with him.

Another part of me wondered if perhaps he had no clue about the depth of his awfulness. He might be so drunk or wasted that he thinks that he was awesome.

It didn't take me long to know what was on Jeff's mind. As soon as he got off stage he came straight to me.

"I screwed that up." Only he didn't say screwed.

"You weren't that bad."

"I was terrible. I got up there and I forgot the words."

"I noticed that. You could have used a sheet of paper."

"What?"

"You could have gotten a sheet of paper with the lyrics on it. They have those up there."

"They didn't offer me that."

"Well, you can go home and practice and come back next week."

"I was terrible."

"You are too hard on yourself."

I said that just to be nice. However, when I said those words, they seemed to have a deeper effect on him. The look on his face changed as if I had given him the keys to enlightenment.

His voice got kind of serious. "Do you really think so?"

"Yeah." I said this in a tone that was way more condescending than I intended.

It was completely lost on him.

"You really think I'm too hard on myself?"

"Well, I don't know you all that well, but I think you are beating yourself up too much. So you forgot the lyrics to Tom Petty's song. I bet if you were singing your own songs you would have owned this place."

"You might be right."

Then Jeff turned and headed towards the bar.

Up on stage a girl was bruising up an Incubus song. It seemed that everybody else had their fill of Rock Star Karaoke. We began to collect our things.

Shannon turned towards me and said, "You'll have to write a blog about that guy."

I said, "I don't know if that is blog worthy."

Then I smiled. I think she knows that what my standard for blog worthy is pretty low.

THE END

I would just like to add one final bit to the story. We did book Kountertop. They will be performing on July 18th. I don't have much sway with many people, but if I do decide to make a push for some of you to come to ONE Ames on the Halfshell concert this summer this is the one I think that you should come and see. This is the one band that I was active in booking. You might get more pressure from me as that date approaches. In fact, count on it.

Thursday Night with Kountertop (Pt. 3)

I returned to my table.

I enjoyed the company of the people at my table for a few moments. Up on stage at this time was two guys singing in AC/DC's TNT. The were pretty dreadful, but they were entertaining. One guy sported a Danzig shirt. The other guy cracked out his air guitar at nearly every conceivable opportunity.

I was deeply locked into the performance when Shannon got my attention.

"Check out your friend."

She pointed over toward the woman that had asked for a light. Jeff was making the moves on her. At least I think that is what he was doing. It looked like he was just trying to rub up against her.

"Now do you admit that he is scarier than Larry?"

Shannon actually conceded my point, "Yes, he is scarier than Larry."

I was actually surprised that she had admitted that I was right but I did not get a moment to gloat. A male friend of the woman that Jeff was romancing got up and grabbed Jeff and pulled him off of her.

Jeff tried to make his case, but the guy just gave him a little nudge and told him to go away. Jeff retreated back to his table. Then he looked back to me.

"I don't know what that guy's problem is. It is none of his business."

So I told him, "It was worth a try. Maybe when you get your music going again?"

"I can't get my music going because I don't have a car."

"But you have a job now. You'll be able to get a car pretty soon."

"I have tomorrow off."

I'm not really sure why I said what I said next. I think it is because I had considered taking the following day off to watch the Way of the Cross in Des Moines, bu