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Birthday Party 2016 FAQ





BIRTHDAY PARTY FAQ


What is the official hashtag of this shindg for use with Instagram and Twitter?

After much consideration, trial and error, I’ve decided upon #benndawg2016. Use this on all your social media posts on Instagram and Twitter.


Is this party BYOB?

This party is most definitely BYOB. As much as I would like to, I just can’t afford B for everybody. So please bring your own B. If you have a few extra Bs hanging around your place, bring some to share. I just make one request. Please… NO KING JAMES! I prefer NIV, but I’m not going to get too picky on this front.

Tell me about this photo booth?

After years and years and years piled upon more years of people trying to get me to set up some semblance of a photo booth for them at various functions and my coming up with makeshift photo booth that were moderately successful, I am setting up something that resembles a real photo booth. It will be unmanned and it will require the user to have basic motor skills. Can you move a mouse around the screen? Then this photo booth is perfect for you. That is the good news! The bad news is that this photo booth won’t spit out a printed copy for you. The fact is that I don’t even own a printer. However, the images will be uploaded to a website where you can download your image. Other people’s images too, if you are a cheeky or creepy sort. Whatever trips your trigger. I’m not here to judge.


Award winning barbecue? Do you think I’m a sucker?

Depending on who is reading this at this time. Yes, I think you are a sucker OR No, I think you are extremely streetwise and in no way resemble what bank tellers give small children when their parents go through the drive-thru. But yes, there definitely will be award winning barbecue. I have secured the services of Scottie D. to smoke a fine selection of (at this time) undetermined meats. Scottie D. is the Paul Simon of the two man barbecue team Baby Got Rack. Inside their crowded trophy case you will find the award for winning The People’s Choice at last year’s hotly contested Pufferbilly Days Barbecue Contest. Since I am a well-documented Man of the People and in no way an elitist, of course I would book a fellow man of the people to provide this party with food for the common man. Made by an uncommon man.

Music? What kind of music?

The Master’s Playlist is currently over 1500 songs long. So if you wanted to, you could listen to it for over a week and never hear a song repeated. But you want to know what kind of music. I subscribe to the theory that there are only two kinds of music. Good music and bad music. Therefore the playlist is not loyal to any genre. It is heavy on musicians like Brandi Carlile, Nirvana, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Building 429, Johnny Cash, Bruno Mars, Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, Kenny Rogers, and Michael Franti. However, there is the occasional song by Rage Against the Machine, The Butthole Surfers, Robyn Hitchcock, Miley Cyrus, Hank William Sr., and Public Enemy (to name just a few) thrown in there. This is basically my road trip playlist with the N.W.A. taken out. I don’t want any of the white people to feel uncomfortable.


What is the parking situation?

I’m not going to sugarcoat it. It isn’t a good situation. It is a Saturday, so parking is only allowed on the north side of Union Street. The driveway will be closed down to everybody not named Scottie D. or Mom. I mean my Mom. If somebody else calls you Mom, that is good for you. It doesn’t give you parking rights in the driveway. The driveway will mostly be devoted to art and crafts any way. Sidewalk chalk. I might even have a few windows out there to paint. Could get crazy.

I’m coming from out of state. What accommodations are there at Valley Lodge?

The order of choosing sleeping arrangements is based on how many Bennett Priority Points you have earned by staying with Valley Lodge in the past. Preferential treatment is also given to babies. There is a guest bedroom, a couch in the living room, a couch in the basement, a day bed in the basement (with a trundle bed), an air mattress could certainly be set up in the office, and of course there is a tent that could sleep 4 comfortably. Unless you aren’t comfortable sleeping around other people. But that is a you issue dude.


A Christopher D. Bennett Fun Fact Quiz? You’re pretty full of yourself, aren’t you?

Well. Duh. Since I’m an open book with no secrets, I anticipate everybody getting 100% on this quiz. Which will make it difficult to give out a semi-fabulous prize. That is my burden to bear. Along with being so awesome.

No GIFTS? Is that a clever ploy to get more gifts?

I’m a grown man that has been extremely blessed in life. At this point, I don’t covet material possessions. Despite my hardcore minimalist tendencies, I’ve accumulated way toO much stuff. I throw a bunch of stuff away and I turned around and even more stuff has taken its spot. I have too much stuff. While I’m sure you would pick out great and wonderful stuff that I didn’t know would perfectly fill a void in my life that I didn’t even know was there until I clapped eyes on this new stuff, I just don’t have any more room for even more stuff.

I do understand that some people feel guilty or just have a strong desire to give. So here is my compromise. Somewhere in the house, I’ll leave a jar. Put a buck or two in that jar. The next day I’ll give that jar and your donation to my church’s Youth Group to help fund their various activities, like mission trips to Milwaukee.

Now understand me. I’m not soliciting money. I’m not even suggesting that you should throw anything into that jar. I’m just saying that if you insist, throw a few Washingtons in the jar. Everybody wins!