Not gonna lie. Going to state it right out in the open. This post isn’t for everybody. I was already told once that I overshared about this process, but it was a food adventure of sorts and the information I’m going to share fits into my future food adventures.

I started 2024 without really being to the doctor much over the last few years. If I’m being honest, much in my lifetime. But I’m getting old Auto Focus and the targeted ads when I listen to podcasts or peruse the internet or watching streaming services remind me of this fact every single day.

To start this year, I got a physical and since I haven’t been to the doctor much, he announced that this was the year that we were going to tune me up. So he scheduled me for a sleep study and a colonoscopy.

I was definitely dreading the colonoscopy. I have heard the hype about how awful it is for years. I don’t know what your experience with having something shoved up your butt is, but it was going to be a new experience for me. Not one I was looking forward to, like going to New Orleans for the first time. But when you are old like me, these are the kind of things you have to do.

Today’s food adventure is the prep I went through before my colonoscopy. I had my colonoscopy on Thursday. The prep started on Monday.

Monday Instructions

East absolutely nothing with seeds or corn: NO tomatoes, celery seeds, raspberries, poppy seeds, sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, popcorn, bread with seeds (whole grain), nuts.

This was particularly challenging for me because I eat a lot of raspberries and I enjoy a variety of nuts on the regular. Almonds. Pistachios. Walnuts. All favorites of mine. And, if you remember, a poppyseed kolache had made its way back for Nebraska with my name on it. Oh kolaches! So goooooooood! The no tomato part was also difficult cause I like a good tomato on my sandwich. Not tenderloins, but other sandwiches. I also have been eating lots of corn lately. I persevered though.

Tuesday Instructions

Milk of Magnesia: Take one ounce of Milk of Magnesia at bedtime. No seeds. No corn.

I opted for the wild cherry flavored milk of magnesia. Only 1 ounce. It actually didn’t taste too bad. I don’t hanker for it, but it wasn’t bad.

Wednesday Instructions

Drink only clear liquids for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Solid foods including milk and milk products are NOT allowed. Clear liquids include water, juice, chicken or beef broth, plain Jell-O, Gatorade, popsicles, black coffee, teas, soda. PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM RED AND PURPLE LIQUIDS.

Member’s Mark Chicken Broth and 7-Up. That is what I had for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Other than it wasn’t all that filling, it wasn’t too bad. I can recommend this chicken broth. It is pretty dang tasty. I actually like 7-Up. Of the clear citrus sodas, it is my favorite by far. I’ve never liked Sprite much. Sierra Mist was slightly better than Sprite, but not the best. It’s replacement Starry, I can live without.

3:00 PM: Take 4 Dulcolax tablets. Continue clear liquids.

There isn’t much to say about these. They are tiny. You can’t taste them. They definitely do the job as a laxative.

5:00 PM Pour 64 oz Gatorade into large pitcher or container. Add 238 gm Miralax into the Gatorade. Mix Well. You will want to drink one 10-12 oz glass every 15-20 minutes until it is gone.

I’m not a fan of Gatorade. It is one of those things that if my body needs it (like after a workout) it tastes fantastic. If I’ve been sitting around like a worthless couch potato all day, then it tastes like ass. My body rejects it.

“Dude, you haven’t earned this.”

I hear a lot of people struggle with this, but I was able to knock all this down fairly easily. Probably cause the other diuretics had been doing their work and I was getting pretty hungry. The broth wasn’t exactly filling me up.

NOTHING BY MOUTH AFTER MIDNIGHT.

THURSDAY INSTRUCTIONS

Day of the exam, 3 hours prior (3 AM): Take 10 0z of the Mag Citrate (set your alarm). If you have known kidney disease, please discuss with physician fist. DO NOT drink with water.

I opted for the cherry flavored magnesium citrate. It actually went down pretty smooth. The taste wasn’t bad and I was so hungry by this point, 10 more ounce of liquid. If you have constipation, you could do worse. Flavor wise.

I’ve heard stories of people throwing this up, but really, I was so hungry. I downed that bottle like it was an ice cold Pepsi-Cola.

The colonoscopy experience itself was not anywhere near as bad as the hype. Teresa took me to the hospital and drove me home afterwards.

I checked-in. They took me back to the waiting room. I put on a gown that was a million times too short for me. They ran an IV. The first one in my life. That one took a little bit. Apparently my veins are a bit shy. But I’ve know that from every time I’ve ever gotten my blood drawn.

Then we walked back to the operating room. I lied down. The anesthesiologist told me the anesthesia might burn a little bit going in, but I didn’t feel any burn. Next thing I knew, they were waking me up and walking me back to my room.

Once I was situated there, they came in and told me that everything went well. They found one polyp, which is common, but shouldn’t be anything to be worried about. They would send it to get biopsied and then I would hear the results next week.

Then I got dressed and went home.

The following week they called me and told me the polyp was benign and that I wouldn’t have to go through this again for 10 years. Which is exactly what I was hoping to hear.

I’m not going to get on my soapbox and tell you that if you are over 45 years, you should get in and get a colonoscopy. But if you are starting to get an inordinate amount of ads in your feeds for bentcarrot.com, then it is probably time.

If I were you, I wouldn’t listen to me either, so like I said, I won’t preach. Cause you already know and one more person telling you won’t make a difference. But I might be the one person that you hear say, “it isn’t really all that bad”.

So it is like the poster says:

I also said that I was getting a sleep study done. I was lucky enough to get to do an at home sleep study and that was an awful experience. I wore a sensor on a finger and another one on my chest. It doesn’t sound like much, but I had the worst night of sleep ever.

When they rate how you sleep, it is on a scale of 1-35. 35 is the worst. I got a 31. Which is basically, “How are you still alive?”

So starting on Thursday, this is what I look like when I go to bed at night:

Sexy Auto Focus

I have slept with it for 3 nights now. The first night was pretty awful. I might have just thrown in the towel, but the insurance company won’t pony up the cash unless I average 4 hours a night with this guy on for 3 months.

However, the 2nd night wasn’t too bad. The 3rd night I would characterize as not bad. I’m hoping in a week or so I can crank that all the way up to good.

The third and final health related thing that came out of my physical is I’m becoming increasingly more active trying to establish healthier habits. That includes both eating and exercise.

Last year I did change many of my eating habits. I wasn’t completely mindful about it, but I established a few guidelines with what I considered to be healthier eating. I won’t going into much detail, but I tried to limit the bad foods I ate. Tried to eat healthier snacks. Tried to stop eating by 8 PM. Tried to be more active. The active part can be hard for me because my job is a TON of sitting down. I try to take some brief walks on my 10 minute breaks.

And I did have some positive results. In fact in 2023 I lost like 30 pounds.

Exactly 1 person noticed.

Thanks Michelle!

From my physical my doctored said I should try Noom. It is that weight loss program that is based in psychology. I wasn’t eager for this, but I decided to give it a shot. As a bonus, I’m pretty sure I can get the Computer Mine to pay for it through our continuing education budget. So at worst case scenario, I shouldn’t be out any money.

The Noom system basically consists of 4 things you do every day:

1. Read lessons on forming good habits and nutrition.
2. Weigh yourself.
3. Track what you eat.
4. Track your exercise.

Which I suppose doesn’t seem like rocket science and I wasn’t looking forward to logging what I eat. But as it turns out, that part has probably been the most helpful part for me. I’ve really learned a ton. There are so many foods I thought were healthy that turns out, ain’t all that healthy. Some food I thought were pretty bad, actually a lot healthier than I expected.

I’ve been working the system for about 3 weeks now. I am down 6.7 pounds. Probably would have been more, but you know Super Bowl Sunday happened in there.

Now weight isn’t the only measure of health and isn’t even the best measure of health, but it is the easiest to measure. So I will continue to share this journey on hear. Congratulations! All of you just became my accountability buddies!

Super Bowl Sunday? Yeah, next Sunday’s food adventure will cover many of the delicious food offerings I experienced on Super Bowl Sunday. I attended 2 parties. That is a lot of food adventuring!