Just Another Computer Guy

It has been over a week since The Great Insult. I have yet to fully recover.

To recap The Great Insult.

It was during a break in the fast paced action of the Ames Jaycees Sandbox Fill. I was sitting in the backseat with Jamie. We had been getting along famously, even exchanging the occasional high five. Then things turned ugly.

Somewhere along the way the discussion turned to vocations. It is possible that Shannon had asked one of her favorite questions: “Do they know that they pay you to do nothing?” I can’t remember the exact events that transpired before The Great Insult, but I know how The Great Insult went down.

Jamie asked, “What do you do for a living?”

“I work for a small software company that makes software for child torturers. I work in the hardware department building computers and such.”

“You seemed like a Computer Guy.”

What? I immediately took offense to this statement. It was pointed out to me that I work for a computer company and by default that makes me a Computer Guy. Especially when I work in the hardware department. I can’t argue that my job might make me a computer guy. I accept that fact. I embrace it.

On the other hand, it is an entirely different ball of wax to be putting out the vibe that I’m a Computer Guy. This is the way the conversation should go:

“I work for a small software company building computers and such.”

“That surprises me.”

“Why is that?”

“I would have guessed that you were a fighter pilot or stunt motorcyclist or snake handler or tortured artistic genius. I never would have guessed in my wildest dreams that you were just another computer guy.”

It is one thing to be a Computer Guy. It is entirely a different thing for people to look at you and think that it makes sense that you are a Computer Guy.

This is a Computer Guy to me:

  • Owns more than 1 guitar for Guitar Hero
  • Took the day off that GTA 4 came out
  • Own multiple video game systems

Maybe I’m thinking of a Video Game Guy and not a Computer Guy. Believe me, they are not the same. Video Game Guy doesn’t have any useful skills. Darn it! Now I’m sticking up for Computer Guy. Let me try again:

  • Can’t put together full sentences.
  • Doesn’t own a clean shirt.
  • Doesn’t bathe all that much.
  • Can tell you jokes in binary.
  • Can’t sustain eye contact.
  • Laughs nervously at own attempts at humor.

I am very fluent, hilarious, always smell great (thanks to Little White Lye Soap), sustain eye contact when I want to and own numerous clean shirts. So you see, I’m clearly not a Computer Guy. I just play one at work.