Week 1 of Highly Inaccurate Sports Prognostication

Usually I only share this info with Baier, RMK, and Dre, but I feel there is just too much knowledge in this gulliver not to share it with the world (wide web).


Everybody knows that North Dakota State has dominated their level of football over the last 3 years, but here are some facts you might not know about North Dakota State, besides that their fan base can’t even pronounce the word bison correctly.

3 Straight FCS National Championships
The last time they lost: November 13, 2012 – 17-14 to Indiana State
The last time they gave up more than 30 points: December 11, 2010 – 38 points by Eastern Washington
The last time they lost to an FBS School: September 3, 2009 – 34-17 to Iowa State
Since then they have won 4 straight games against FBS schools:

Kansas 6-3
Minnesota 37-24
Colorado State 22-7
Kansas State 24-21

Their equivalent of our Cyclone Fanatic (on the Cyclone Fanatic Radio Show) even predicted that they would club us 35-14! Adding: “I’d be shocked if they (Iowa State) can score 17.”

There is a lot to respect about the Bison program, but one thing should be clear. This isn’t the same team that won those 3 titles. Gone is their coach. Gone is most of their starters. Heck, their AD is even gone.

But I’m a big believer in the Pete Bell philosophy:

l’ll tell him exactly
what we’re gonna do.
l’ll give him our offense.
l’ll give him our defense.
Because it’s not what you do.
godd*mn it. it’s how you do it.

Meaning the outcome of this game won’t be decided by what has changed in Fargo, or wherever North Dakota State calls home, it will be the changes in Ames.

Finally, we have a real offensive coordinator. Finally, we have a dedicated quarterbacks coach. Finally, we have an offensive line coach that the players like and respect. Finally, we have speed and talent all over the place.

Yes, there is reason for concern on defense. Yes, we lost 1 of my all-time favorite Cyclones in Washington. Yes, we lost our best linebacker. Yes, the defensive line lost (allegedly) its two most talented interior linemen.

But, we still have the wizard in Wally Burnham as our DC. I’m buying the hype on Mutcherson and Cotton-Moya at safety. I’m buying the hype of the deep and talented linebacker core (I hope Levi Peters sees some time on the field this year. He has the potential to be one of my all-time favorite Cyclones.) I’m buying into the Corey Morrissey hype. I think Jensen and Cousin will be good enough in the middle of the line.

But more than anything, Iowa State needs this game. They need to get the taste of last year’s UNI debacle out of their system. They need to be just like Bull Hurley (from the CITIZEN KANE of arm wrestling movies OVER THE TOP):

He doesn’t even belong on my arm wrestling table. That’s my area, that’s my game, and he’s got no sh*ttin’ business there. And all I want to do is hurt him, cripple him, get him off the table. And so he never dares try to compete against me again.

The Cyclones need to put a hurt on the Bison so that they never dare to try to compete against us again. (Although they will be able to use the excuse that they already aren’t on our schedule through 2020.)

You might be thinking, “Man, that is kind of harsh attitude to take against a little FCS school.”

Allow me to retort:

There isn’t much I remember about that 2009 encounter with the Bison in Jack Trice Stadium. But I do remember this: North Dakota State fans are one of the most annoying fan bases I have ever encountered.

Here is the current Top 5 (College Football Division)Most Annoying Fanbases I have personally encountered:

1. Nebraska
2. Iowa
3. Alabama
4. North Dakota State
5. Missouri

Even while Iowa State was throttling them, they displayed the Nebraska fans’ level of arrogance (FCS level albeit) and Iowa fans’ ability to make excuses (FCS level albeit).

So what will happen?

Gone will be their 24 game winning streak.
Gone will be their 4 game winning streak against FBS schools.
Gone will be their 30 point defensive streak.

North Dakota State likes to play ball control offense. They will try, but after 3 quick scores from Bundrage, Bibbs, and Nealy they will be forced to play catch up. Allowing ISU to pin its ears back and go after the quarterback. A big game from Morrissey and Trent Taylor on the line. A pick by Tribune and another by Mutcherson. This one is over early.

The BiZon go softly into the mid-afternoon.

Cyclones 35 North Dakota State 14


Saturday is the favorite day of the year for Panther fans. No matter what, their favorite team will win.

UNI’s David Johnson is a stud. He will play in the NFL some day. UNI plays a tougher schedule in a tougher conference. They maybe be the better team, but I don’t believe that UNI can ever give full effort against Iowa. Since all Panthers secretly want to be Hawkeyes, they will find it tough to knock off their idols. But it will be close.

Iowa 24 UNI 21

Last year Grand View upset Drake and then went on to win a national championship. In many ways, this was just a big of an upset as UNI beating Iowa State. Bigger actually. Drake didn’t have The Mess as their offensive coordinator. That being said, I think Grand View repeats. Their coaching staff is just that good or or just that psychotic. Take your choice.

Little known fact: Although he’ll deny it, Grand View is Corey Faust’s alma mater.

Grand View 21 Drake 10


(21) Texas A&M 52 (9) South Carolina 28 Johnny Manziel not missed. Not even a little bit.
(13) LSU blows out (14) Wisconsin
(12) Georgia big over (16) Clemson, sorry if you’re in the ACC and your name isn’t Florida State, you aren’t beating a ranked SEC team.


(2) Alabama kills West Virginia
(4) Oklahoma mauls Louisiana Tech
TCU nips Samford
Texas Tech humiliates Central Arkansas
(20) Kansas State pounds SF Austin
North Texas (COACH MAC!) shocks Texas
(1) Florida State pounds Oklahoma State (despite struggling early because Oklahoma State has such an ugly stadium that it is distracting)
(10) Baylor whips SMU


Navy shocks (5) Ohio State – My niece is in the Navy. That may have influenced this pick.


(6) Auburn blasts Arkansas – It feels good to be able to cheer for Auburn again.


(15) USC bounces Fresno State despite the fact that their coach is a racist… apparently.


(7) UCLA whips Virginia – God the ACC is a terrible conference. Just…. absolutely…. terrible!


I pick these games based entirely on who has the better mascot.

Boone Toreadors embarrass the Ballardville Bombers in every conceivable way.
Sioux City West Wolverines trounce the Fort Dodge Dodgers
Audubon Wheelers nip the A-H-S-T, Avoca Vikings – These Vikings clearly stole their logo from the Minnesota Vikings. D- for effort.

Feel free to add your predictions to the comments section of this here blog entry.