The Colo Derby

A couple Saturdays back I traveled to America’s crossroads: Colo, Iowa to take place in a turtle race that I have dubbed The Colo Derby.

My noble steed Titian dominated the competition, but on that day, it would NOT only be the turtles that smelled fishy. If you get what I’m laying down. Nudge-nudge-wink-wink! I’m saying the officiating was terrible. Okay.

Here are a few photos of this most American of travesties.



Most people never get this close to greatness.


Victory. Titian is thy name!


A training lap.




I’m hoping we can make some wishes out of turtle-planes.


The combatants and their steeds. Cathie (left) was the “victor”.

The official results and some dimestore (albeit very accurate) analysis:

1. Cathie’s Turtle (won because some people don’t understand time.)
2. Titian (second place because of the base ugly human emotion called jealousy.)
3. Joe’s Turtle (third place because Joe was afraid to touch his turtle and his turtle didn’t respect him for this weakness.)
4. Michelle’s Turtle (last place because Michelle hates animals and the turtle could sense it and the turtle quit on her.)

After the race was run, I placed Titian back in the 5 gallon bucket from which he came. I am a man. He is a turtle, but I know we made a very special connection that day. Our paths will cross again. We will have our vengeance!

3 thoughts on “The Colo Derby”

  1. I enjoy this very much. I have seen the video, and it seems like there should have been, at least, a race-off between you and Cathie.

  2. Man there were a disappointing amount of typos in that post.

    I did actually listen to the rules. I thought the first turtle out of the circle was the winner, which was my turtle. Then when they were claiming Cathie’s turtle the winner because it touched the circle first (which is debatable at best) we went to the video.

    I’m don’t consider the video to be conclusive at all, but Cathie was ultimately declared the winner because I was “late”.

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