A couple Saturdays back I traveled to America’s crossroads: Colo, Iowa to take place in a turtle race that I have dubbed The Colo Derby.
My noble steed Titian dominated the competition, but on that day, it would NOT only be the turtles that smelled fishy. If you get what I’m laying down. Nudge-nudge-wink-wink! I’m saying the officiating was terrible. Okay.
Here are a few photos of this most American of travesties.
Most people never get this close to greatness.
The official results and some dimestore (albeit very accurate) analysis:
1. Cathie’s Turtle (won because some people don’t understand time.)
2. Titian (second place because of the base ugly human emotion called jealousy.)
3. Joe’s Turtle (third place because Joe was afraid to touch his turtle and his turtle didn’t respect him for this weakness.)
4. Michelle’s Turtle (last place because Michelle hates animals and the turtle could sense it and the turtle quit on her.)
After the race was run, I placed Titian back in the 5 gallon bucket from which he came. I am a man. He is a turtle, but I know we made a very special connection that day. Our paths will cross again. We will have our vengeance!