Category Archives: Jesse

Journal Entry One-Thousand

It is hard to believe that this journal has reached entry 1,000.

Since I enjoy rather meaningless statistics, I’m going to go over a few right now.

According to how many times they have been viewed, these are the 10 Most Popular Pictures in the Artistic Gallery:



1. Gazing Ball Self-Portrait

Outburst of the Soul
2. Outburst of the Soul

Jen Smoking
3. Jen Between UnHingd Sets

UnHingd Publicity Still Alpha
3. UnHingd Publicity Still

2008 Iowa State Fair Photography Salon- US 30
5. US30 East of Ogden

2008 Iowa State Fair Photography Salon - 1900
6. 1900

Piano Ruins
6. Abandoned Piano – McCallsburg

Rebecca Peterson
6. Becca Senior Picture

2006 Pufferbilly Days Photo Contest - Grizzly McAlpine
9. Grizzly McAlpine

Obama at Iowa State
10. Obama Political Rally

2008 Boone County Fair Photo Contest
10. Campanile Self-Portrait

These are the 10 Most Popular Snapshots Gallery Pictures:


The Big Jesus Road Trip
1. Jesse and I with the World’s Largest Cheeto

The Big Jesus Road Trip
2. Jesse and I Backstage at the Surf Ballroom

The Big Jesus Road Trip
3. Jesse Eating a Bob’s Dog

Shannon at Backbone State Park
4. Shannon Reading a Map at Backbone State Park

Eastern Iowa Road Trip - 2006
5. Jesse and I at Eagle Point Park

Bonne Finken
5. Cousin Amy, Sara and Jen at Bonne Finken Concert

The Big Jesus Road Trip
5. Jesse Kissing the Blarney Stone in Emmetsburg

The Big Jesus Road Trip
8. Jesse Onstage at the Surf Ballroom

The Big Jesus Road Trip
8. Jesse and I Resting at the Sargent Floyd Monument

Bonne Finken
10. Some Kind of Deal Going Down at a Bonne Finken Concert

Bonne Finken
10. Sara and Jen at Bonne Finken Concert

The Top Ten People I Write About, Photograph or Contribute in Some Way (Tagged in Journal Entries):

1. Jay (144)
2. Jesse (143)
3. Shannon (140)
4. Derrick (117)
5. Jen (101)
6. Teresa (96)
7. Willy (93)
8. Sara (88)
9. Baier (65)
10. Dawn (64)

Of course, we will revisit these numbers and pictures in about 100 or so journal entries. Of course, it will be interesting to see what has changed!

Proust No. Four

Jesse Howard correctly answered the Christopher D. Bennett Trivia Question:

Q: Currently, what is Christopher D. Bennett’s favorite band?

A: The Swell Season.

Proust Quote

“If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less but to dream more, to dream all the time.”

Confessions Question

What is your present state of mind?

Proust Questionnaire Number Sixteen

I’m going to take this question to mean what am I thinking about right now.  So this will be an incredibly short answer.

I’m thinking that I need to talk about boobs less on Twitter.

I’m thinking that I had an awesome weekend. Great food. Great company. Then great company, but I missed out on the great food. Then more great food.  More great company. Then more great food. More great company.

But mostly, I’m thinking about my yearly viewing of It’s A Wonderful Life.  This is causing me to wonder if the world would be a better place if I had never been born.

Don’t take this as me being depressed or sad.  Definitely don’t post any comments or send me any messages reassuring me that the world is a better place because I’m in it. Definitely nothing with examples of how I somehow improved your life and prevented you from being a crack whore, petty thief or NASCAR fan.  I’m not fishing. Keep that stuff to yourself. Admire me from a distance, if you will.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I will never post anything in this forum or in a social networking environment of the “woe-is-me” variety. I don’t play the game where I beg for other people’s pity. I keep my own counsel. I don’t pity farm.

It is simply an honest intellectual question that I am thinking about right now.  Do the positives I have brought to this world outweigh the negatives that I have brought to this world?  More importantly, what can I do to increase the balance in favor of this being a better world for my being in it?

Christopher D. Bennett Trivia Question

What brand of camera does Christopher D. Bennett use?

Proust No. Two

Jesse Howard correctly answered the Christopher D. Bennett Trivia Question:

Q: Whenever Christopher D. Bennett goes to a buffet, what does he get to eat with his ice cream?

A: Green Olives

As a reward for Jesse’s knowledge of my culinary tendencies, he got to choose the next question I answered on the Proust Questionnaire.

Proust Quote

“If only for the sake of elegance, I try to remain morally pure.”

Confessions Question

Your Chief Characteristic

My 2009 Answer

Proust Questionnaire Number Sixteen

I’m surprised by how difficult it has been for me to work on this project this year.  I don’t know if that mean I’ve had uneventful year or unsuccessful year or if perhaps just perhaps, the subject of “Me” is incredibly boring to me.  That can’t be. Most people find me fascinating. At least that is what they tell me.

When I think about this question, I can’t help but think about a photo project that I worked on over 5 years ago.  I had several friends write on piece of “poster board” 1 word.  Just 1 word that they would like to be the 1st word that crossed the minds of other people when they thought about them.

“I saw Chuck down at the store.”

“Oh Chuck, he so fastidious.”

“Agreed. no other word encompasses Chuck’s existence more than fastidious.”

I think about the word I scrolled onto paper in the Lagomarcino courtyard all those years ago and I know that word probably isn’t correct. But I do think I should try that project again.  It might make a good replacement for the Friend Wall, since it will be coming down sometime soon. Although when I think about it, that would almost certainly be just a different form of Friend Wall.  Maybe this way a couple of family members could sneak onto the wall.

I’m getting off topic.

If I look at the undisputed nickname I carry around with me (Lone Wolf) I would think that the best way to describe me might be loner.  I’m not surrounded by many friends. I spend most nights home alone. All of my work time is spent with my nose to the grindstone. I’m not even sure I know the names of many of my co-workers.  There’s the Candy Drawer Lady and The Grand Grammarian and The Trapper and The Hunter and The Dandy and The Potential Future Serial Killer and The Filmmaker.  But I don’t know the names of any of these people. I’m pretty sure they don’t my name either.

I don’t have weekly engagements. I’m not in a bowling or basketball league. I don’t see the same group of friends every Friday for a meal. I don’t going to the movies once a week. I don’t correspond with many people via email. I don’t send lots of texts. I don’t get lots of texts. My phone is a 200 dollar paper weight.

Another characteristic is my openness.  You can ask me virtually any question and you will get a version of a completely truthful answer. I am so open that since the beginning of the year I have had the goal of sending in a secret to PostSecret. Since I don’t have any secrets that are mine (I have a wealth of other people’s secrets) I haven’t been able to fulfill that goal.

However, as well documented and undisputed as my loner credentials are, and despite the fact that I closely resemble an open book, I don’t think I’ve changed much in this regard from last year.

My chief characteristic is my veracity.

I have a 100% commitment to the truth and have never understood people that don’t.

True it took me some time to realize how honest of a person I am. It took me so long because I’m not a dillhole or a jerk.

I’ve known quite a few jerks in my day. They usually say something horrible to another human being and then back it up with, “I’m just being honest.”  I’ve known at least two of these people that have spoken glowingly of their honesty based on the nearly constant flow of negative energy that was coming out of their piehole.  For this reason it took me a small amount of time to figure out saying mean and terrible things to people is not the same thing as being honest.

More importantly, being nice and saying positive and complimentary things to people does not make you dishonest.

Negative people think they are more honest than positive people because they see the world in a negative light. When they hear positive people saying positive things to people they assume that person is lying and doesn’t have the guts or testicular fortitude to tell people “how it is”.

The truth is that the positive person is “telling it how it is” from their perspective.  Their perspective is more positive and it is still the truth.

Being negative doesn’t make you honest. It makes you painful to be around.

That isn’t to say that I can’t be harsh and abrasive with the sandpaper of truth. If my perspective is negative, you will know about it.  After all, I am the fountain of truth. As I see it.

Christopher D. Bennett Trivia Question

What is the 1 thing I always buy when I go to an Iowa State game?

Remember, the first person to answer this question in the “Comments” section of this post gets to pick the next Proust Questionnaire question that I answer. I won’t take me two weeks to answer the next one, I swear.

Vacation Journal

Here is a copy of the journal I kept while I was on vacation last week.  It covers parts of 10 days and over 1300 miles.  While I doubt anybody reads this whole thing, it was an important exercise for me.

There are no pictures, but I will post some pictures from my vacation at some point in the futre.

Friday
17:33 – Put up my hard hat.  Clocked out. Left the Computer Mine.  Vacation officially started.
17:53 – Check mail.  Brandi Carlile tickets have not arrived.
18:45 – “Cleaned” living room for the arrival of the Gorshes.  Sat on Clockwork Couch. Fell asleep.
19:15 – Gorshes arrive.  Order Casey’s Taco and Hot Sausage pizza.
19:16 – Realize my house is not really clean enough for Evie.  I hate it when my Mom is right.
20:00 – While enjoying Casey’s pizza, determine that Evie enjoys Miles Davis. Not such a fan of live Led Zeppelin.
21:00 – Finish the 6/6 Gorshes Photo Project.
21:45 – Evie makes an incredibly loud sound.
23:57 – Bid the Gorshes a fond adieu and sleep the good sleep.

Saturday
8:45 – Wake up in time to watch Game Day. Might be the last time I get to watch Game Day for a few weeks.  This saddens me.
10:58 – Lee Corso picks Wisconsin to beat Ohio State.
11:47 – Mail arrives.  Assorted bills and political advertisements. No Brandi Carlile tickets.
11:48 – Call UNI ticket office to ask: “What the Hades?”  I am told that for some reason they just decided to never mail me the tickets.  But they will be waiting for me at the Will Call Window.  “Thanks UNI Ticket Office”. This statement is a mixture of sarcasm and gratitude.  About 60% sarcasm.  40% gratitude.
12:47 – Clean out Foster Bunny’s cage and let him roam the back porch while I clean the back porch.
14:48 – Clean the fridge.  After the “Great Cleansing” the follow items remain in my fridge.  8 different types of jelly, 5 different types of salsa, 3 different types of barbecue sauce, 3 different types of pickles, 3 different types of mustard, 3 different types of root beers, about 24 cans of pop (7 different varieties),  6 bottles of bottled water ( 2 different varieties), 10 slices of processed American cheese, 1 jar of Miracle Whip, 1 jar of pickled beets that I bought due to a miscommunication with Derrick, 1 tub of butter, 3 sticks of margarine and a bag of baby carrots.
16:35 – Meet Sara in the Computer Mine Parking lot for trip to Cedar Falls for Brandi Carlile concert.
17:45 – Stop in Wellsburg, Iowa to try the award winning tenderloin of the Town House Supper Club. When we can’t find the restaurant we stop at the local Casey’s.  They have scorpions in shadow boxes for sale as “art”.  Kid behind cash register tells me that that the Town House Supper Club is closed for remodeling.  I thought I was only cursed by old timey ice cream parlors. I am not pleased. Sara buys me a Fig Newton to assuage my pain.
18:30 – We arrive on “The Hill”. I had contacted my Cedar Falls “expert” earlier in the week to find out a restaurant to eat at besides Sub City.  The response came back: “There are other restaurants in Cedar Falls?”  But what I heard was “I’ve criticized my parents for not wanting to try new restaurants, but perhaps that was hypocrisy.”  We try Great Wall Chinese Restaurant. This experience is similar to when Jill and I ate at Jade 88 back in February.  We are the only people in the restaurant.  The food is tasty though.  Not to the level of Chinese Homestyle Cooking, but not bad. They have cool fish lamps on their walls. I don’t feel that Sara appreciates them at an appropriate level.
19:20 – We arrive at Gallagher-Bluedorn.  It is not what I’m expecting.  Although the auditorium itself is beautiful, it is “designed” to make it as extremely difficult as possible to find your seats. After picking up tickets at Will Call, we approach Volunteer #1 looking for assistance.  She tells us that we have to go up the elevator.  Volunteer #2 walks us to the elevator.  After getting off the elevator we hand our tickets to Volunteers #3 and #4 that are standing right outside the elevator. They tell us to go to Door 5.  Door 5 is 10 feet away.  We walk the 10 feet and give our tickets to Volunteers #5 and #6 that are standing outside of Door 5. They tell us to go into Door 5. Inside Door 5 Volunteer #7 points out our seats.  There are two of us. There is 1 open seat. We point this out to him. He tells us that they will “make room”.  We get near “our” seats. People have made room.  We sit down.  Sara notes that the height of the wall that prevents you from falling 150 feet to your death is about 2 feet tall.
19:30 – Opening act Pieta Brown takes the stage.  She plays about 5 songs.  She isn’t bad.
20:15 – Brandi Carlile and her band take the stage.  They play a set without the Cedar Falls-Waterloo Symphony.  It is amazing.
20:45 – Volunteer #8 approaches me and asks to see our tickets.  I give them to him.  He tells me that these aren’t our seats and points in kind of a general direction of where we are supposed to be sitting. He is not friendly or jovial.
20:47 – We give our tickets to Volunteer #9 who points out our seats to us.  They aren’t really seats.  They are more like chairs that overlook the two foot wall.  I actually love this because it means legroom!
20:52 – There are only two other people sitting in this “section”, so rather than sitting in our assigned chairs, we sit next to them and strike up a conversation.  Volunteer #9 doesn’t seem pleased about this, but she doesn’t do anything about it. I ask them: besides Sub City, where is a good place to eat in Cedar Falls? She recommends Beck’s or Pablo’s. An exact quote from the lady: “There is more to Cedar Falls than Sub City.” I feel I should text this to my Cedar Falls expert, but I fear she might drive up to Cedar Falls and slap this poor lady.  Decide I will tell her about this swipe at Sub City in an indirect passive aggressive manner.  Hi Shannon! While Sara goes out to the hallway to drink a Diet Pepsi I learn that the male in this couple moved from California for the female in the couple. He is “looking forward” to his first Iowa Winter.  My Aunt Sherrie would think he moved here because he had “no options”.  The less cynical side of me would ask “are there options to love”?
21:00 – Brandi Carlile comes back on stage and kills it in the 2nd set.  I had thought maybe it was foolish for me to go see Brandi Carlile for a 3rd time this year.  But all told, I spent about $100 dollars on 3 shows. I will find out later in the week that there are people willing to spend quite a bit more than 100 smackers to see just 1 show.  So maybe I am cheap.  Brandi plays many of her best songs: “Dreams”, “The Story”, “Oh Dear”, “Closer to You” and “Turpentine” to name just a few. But perhaps the highlights of this show for me were two covers I’ve never heard her play before. I’ve always felt that her voice is reminiscent of Patsy Cline, but I’ve never heard her play a Patsy Cline song.  She played “Crazy” and nailed it!  Near the end of her set she played a cover of Lenard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”.  With the beauty of her voice and the majesty of the backing symphony orchestra, I’m not ashamed to say that I got goosebumps.
22:00 – After the show, (Brandi included her traditional Johnny Cash cover of “Folsom Prison Blues” in her encore) Sara tells me “I want to be Brandi Carlile.”  She did this with an inflection that only Sara can do that makes you think that it actually might be a possibility.

Sunday
8:50 – I’m surprisingly up for Church, despite the lateness of the previous evening, when Mom arrives to pick me up.
9:40 – Andrea gives an awesome (truly awe inspiring) sermon about superheroes and how the greatest superhero the world has and ever will see is a Christian.  At the end of the sermon Andrea and Phil take off their robes to reveal that they are wearing Batman shirts underneath. I have a sinking suspicion that they didn’t have to go out and buy those shirts special for this sermon.
10:05 – The combined choirs of 4 churches perform a song to conclude our worship service. I’m disappointed to see that my Grandma isn’t in the choir, but excited to see a choir with lots of men in it.  Our church choir is a little light on the men.  Of course that is partially my fault for keeping my angelic voice under wraps.

10:15 – Josh tells me that Wesley’s hair color must have come from the Schwan’s man.  I assure him that I was born with red hair.  Then the red went away.  Then the hair went away. Mom tells him the story about how my Grandma (Paternal) knew I would be born with red hair because I “visited her in a dream” before I was born.  I’ve always doubted the veracity of this tale because I don’t remember visiting anybody before I was born.  However, Josh thinks it is a great story.  I am reminded that I should really make an extra effort to make it to Taize Worship next November.

13:00 – Angie, Jon and Alice arrive for Alice’s 3 month photo shoot.  I don’t really know how to take baby pictures, but Angie has ideas.  I give them a tour of the house that consists mostly of the phrase: “This room is too dirty to go into…” and “someday this will be different”.  Alice photography goes seemingly well.
17:30 – Meet the Howards near a private pond for the Howard family photo shoot.  The light wanes quickly and Jesse limping around on his crutches doesn’t help the speed of the event, but I think good work is accomplished.
19:30 – I show up at the Howards for supper.  Kelly makes a very good Shepherd’s Pie.  We watch the Phillies-Giants game.
21:00 – Willy shows up because he is a social butterfly and needs to be around other people.
21:30 – I realize that I was supposed to go to the Mehtodist Men Steak Fry tonight. Whoops!

Monday
9:00 – I wake up with one goal: to stay in my pajamas as long as is humanly possible.
10:00 – I thaw out hamburger to make Hamburger Helper.  I have friends who look down their long noses of judgment at me because I occasionally eat Hamburger Helper.  I don’t have the ambition to cook anything better on this day.
11:00 – I think about cleaning my living room.
11:03 – I email my weekly picks to Andree, Russell and Baier.  Upset: Baylor over Kansas State Lock: Oklahoma over Missouri.
12:00 – I realize I don’t have any milk to make my Cheesy Enchilada Hamburger Helper.  If I go to the store I would have to put on nonsleeping attire. I go down to my Mom’s to borrow milk. Instead, she makes me homemade chicken noodles.
13:23 – I think about cleaning my living room.
16:30 – I dust some stuff.
16:42 – I put the hamburger away. I’ll make Hamburger Helper later this week.
18:00 – Show up at my Mom’s for supper.
20:15 – I put on real clothes and leave for the bowling alley.
22:47 – The Patio Pros enter the night in first place, but get handled by C&B Drywall 18-6. I personally have a decent night.  Winning 3 out of 4 personal points, but it isn’t enough.

Tuesday
8:30 – Depart for Kalona with Mom.
10:45 – Buy Buttermilk Cookies at the Bakery.  I love these cookies. I refrain from buying any more jelly.  I have 8 jars at home in the fridge.
11:02 – Community Store is closed on Tuesdays.
11:11 – Stringtown Grocery Store is closed on Tuesdays.
11:17 – Jackpot! Cheese factory is open.  I buy two pounds of cheese curds, in case any friends drop by the rest of the week.  I also buy, Smoked Swiss, 2 Year Old Cheddar and Chocolate Cheese. I need to buy some crackers when I get a chance.
12:17 – Mom wants to go by Riverside Casino to see what it looks like. I take her to the Future Birthplace of Captain James T. Kirk.  I text a picture to a few people to let them know that this guy doesn’t waste his vacation time.
13:15 – Don’t find the casino, but decide to go to Iowa City to eat at Steak’n’Shake for lunch. This is despite the fact that both Sara and Jesse have tried to shoot down my dreams of eating at a Steak’n’Shake in the past.

13:37 – Turns out I don’t know where the Steak’n’Shake in Iowa City is located even though I KNOW I’ve driven by it many a time. Aimlessly driving around Iowa City.
13:47 – Call Sara for directions. She doesn’t answer.  Call Toby for directions.  He doesn’t answer. Call Jesse for directions.  He answers.  Apparently we drove by it about 5 miles back. Nice!
14:02 – The joyride works to our favor.  2-4 is Shake Happy Hour at Steak’n’Shake.  Steak’n’Shake isn’t anywhere near as bad as Sara and Jesse hyped it to be.  In fact, it was actually on the enjoyable side.  I wouldn’t go out of my way for one again, but it certainly beats the offerings of the Evil Clown Empire, Burger King and Wendy’s. Plus, to my knowledge, none of those places have a Shake Happy Hour. Game, Set, Match. Steak’n’Shake.
15:37 – Arrive at what is left of the Czech Village in Cedar Rapids.  They have a “Speed Hump” sign that is moderately amusing.  We stop in a bakery and buy some stuff.
17:17 – Stop at an abandoned gas station on Highway 30 to photograph it.
18:22 – Stop in Tama to photograph historic Lincoln Highway Bridge.
19:02 – Stop at Country House Family Restaurant in Colo for supper.  I love this restaurant. I have the fried chicken dinner and it is great. Order raisin cream pie to go.
21:30 – Sitting at home. Eat raisin cream pie.  Some cheese curds as well.

Wednesday
8:30 – Watch Prospect Place episode of Ghost Adventures on On Demand.
9:15 – Watch Waverly Hills episode of Ghost Adventures on On Demand.
10:00 – Watch Stanley Hotel episode of Ghost Adventures on  On Demand. Text Jill.  Find out she has been by the Stanley Hotel on an Orchestra trip. Color me with the colors of jealousy. I think they are green.  I decide to watch The Shining later that night in honor of my Ghost Adventures marathon.
10:45 – Watch Return to Bobby Mackey’s episode of Ghost Adventures on On Demand. This is an episode I’ve never seen before, but Jill spoke very highly of it.  By watching this episode I learn that Bobby Mackey’s is in Wilder, Kentucky.  I decide that if I go with Teresa to visit Ernie in Kentucky next year, Bobby Mackey’s is definitely one place we are visiting.  That list now consists of Lambert’s, Beale Street and Bobby Mackey’s.  I don’t believe in ghosts, but I’m willing to believe in the possibility of ghosts. That must make me a ghost agnostic.  Episode is as good as Jill advertised. I leave the epidosde confused as to why anybody would turn a slaughterhouse into a music club.

12:00 – Mom and I pick up Vi for lunch.  Since I get to pick the restaurant, I pick Pickles Pub in Kamrar.  I’m not sure that they are open for lunch, but there pizza is so good it is worth the risk. If not, Webster City probably has a restaurant or two that serve edible food.
12:47 – We are in Kamrar. At this point I tell Mom and Vi that I’m not sure that they are open during the day. I had eaten here once with Shannon during the day, but that was a Sunday.
12:53 – They are open, but they don’t serve pizza during the day.
12:57 – Mom asks the waitress if they will serve us pizza.  The waitress says it will be a little wait, but they will turn on the pizza oven.  Big points for Pickles! We order Fried Pickles because Vi has never had Fried Pickles.
14:00 – Pizza was excellent, as always.  We leave a large tip because they turned on the pizza oven and it looks like our waitress has been crying.
14:30 – Stop at Stanhope Meat Locker.  I don’t buy anything, but Mom does.
15:15 – Home cleaning living room.  It is spotless and I can finally get under my entertainment center to hook up the switch that makes it possible for me to sign up for Netflix.
15:20 – I sign up for Netflix.
15:25 – Watch Food, Inc. on Netflix.
18:00 – Eat pastries from Czech Village bakery. They are terrible. I spit some out. I think about giving some to Foster Bunny, but decide not to be cruel.
20:00 – Pop some popcorn and open up some ice cold Pepsi Cola.  It is time for The Shining on Blu-Ray!
22:30 – I love Stanley Kubrick!

Thursday
7:30 – I’m up. I rearrange my bedroom.  I theorize that this new arrangement will help me keep my bedroom cleaner.  I have lots of theories on cleaning. However, I don’t actually do much cleaning. Cleaning is more of a theoretical activity for me.
11:30 – I’m cleaning my office. The goal is to clean out the Hat Closet and make it a second Frame Closet.  I also want to be able to see the floor again.
11:47 – I get an email from Russell that he is “vetoing” my upset pick of Baylor over Kansas State because he doesn’t “feel” that it is an upset.
11:48 – I point out that Kansas State is a 6.5 point favorite and ranked.  Baylor is not ranked.
13:30 – Russell emails that it technically might be an upset, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Baylor won.
13:33 – Of course, I’m wouldn’t be surprised. That is why I made the pick.  I change my upset pick to Texas over Iowa State.
14:22 – Russell refers to the belief that Iowa State could beat Texas as a “fantasy”.  I don’t respond. I shut off my computer. I believe I won’t touch a computer again until Monday.
3:30 – I can see the floor again.  I am a cleaning god.
16:37 – Teresa calls me to tell me she is in my driveway. I tell her that she might as well come inside. We aren’t leaving until my show is over, even though the show is on Netflix and I can watch it at any time.
16:56 – We leave for Trostel’s Dish.
17:30 – I get a text from Vest at the Computer Mine. He has a question about the Microsoft eOpen website. It is good to be needed.
17:47 – We arrive at Trostel’s Dish.  I can smell Yuppie all over this place, but despite being under the weather, I give it a shot.
17:48 – This is a sharing restaurant. I wasn’t prepared for that.
17:57 – Teresa orders Arancini and a Taco Pizza. I order Beef & Shrooms and Pomme Frites.
18:30 – The Pomme Frites were kind of average, but the Arancini is incredible.  The Beef & Shrooms and Taco Pizza are also above average, but the Arancini really steals the show. If I were to come back I would just order 4 orders of it and call it a night.
18:31 – Teresa asks me if I would come back. I tell her I would, but since it is a sharing restaurant I would come with a larger group of people (like when I went to Chino Latino back in April). Teresa is somewhat offended by this statement, but I tell her that I would let her come along.
20:02 – I’m standing in Sara’s garage.  She has offered to give me a mirror that is roughly the size of a twin bed.  I’m hoping that Teresa’s Murano is the perfect vessel to convey my new prize home. I have been eying the Gorshe Forrester behind their back for about a month now, but I’m hoping I won’t need it any longer.  Teresa says she doesn’t know if she can help lift the mirror because of her bad neck. I give her a pep talk and she’s willing to give it the old college try.
20:06 – By the slimmest of margins the mirror fits in the Murano!  Oh bliss! Heaven and bliss!
20:22 – Standing in the Beaverdale Walgreen’s. I am out of acetaminophen. They are having a sale on it. Buy 1 get 1 Free.  They are completely sold out of all sizes except for the Super Jumbo bottle. I now have enough acetaminophen to ease the aches and pains of a small village.
21:03 – At the Casey’s in Madrid.  They are selling scorpions in shadow boxes as art. Did I miss something?
21:30 – Leave giant mirror in my garage because Teresa can’t carry it to basement due to bad neck. Start thinking about strong friends that will be able to help me move the mirror to the basement.

Friday
10:45 – Stop at the Computer Mine to answer a Microsoft Eopen website question.  This seems to be my expertise at work.  Some would call it job security.  I call it reason #345 why I hate Microsoft.
11:00 – On the Interstate.
12:22 – Drivers from Wisconsin are stupid.
1:17 – Drivers from Nebraska are stupid.
2:00 – Wheels down. Eagan, Minnesota. The Promised Land. Nate and I go to lunch.
2:08 – Lunching at Genghis Grill.  There are small differences between Genghis Grill and HuHot.  They are as follows: Steak is marinated, seasonings, eggs, sauce is thicker, sauce is put in a separate bowl and cooks mix rice in for you.
2:25 – Genghis Grill is a winner.
2:32 – Nate and Bethany have canceled cable. There goes Plan A for watching Iowa State-Texas game.
17:00 – Nate has left for work. I’m heading to Minneapolis to see Becca and Gelli’s new apartment.
17:07 – On 77. Becca’s directions say to take 62 East. GPS says 62 West.  Trusting Becca.
17:15 – GPS was right.
17:28 – Arrive at the new apartment.  It is nice.  Get to meet Ponyo who is cute. Becca and Gelli don’t have cable. There goes Plan B for watching Iowa State-Texas game.
18:02 – On the way to a tea house we drive by the Uptown Theater. I still long to see a movie at this theater.  Their midnight movie this weekend is The Lost Boys. I am reminded that The Lost Boys terrified Bethany when she was young. I don’t think I could talk her into going to see it.  Then my thoughts are stopped cold.  I see an advertisement that lists their next several midnight movies. In a couple of weeks they are showing The Shining. If that wasn’t such a terrible weekend for it, I would come up to Minnesota just for that. I’m still miffed about missing A Clockwork Orange at the Uptown a few months back.
18:15 – At a tea house called Tea Garden.  The baristas look like cliché hipsters, but the clientele looks decidedly normal. I wonder if the baristas secretly wish to work at a more hip tea house.
18:32 – Becca tells me that she was willing to pay 600 dollars for a ticket to see Shakira in concert in Chicago. I’m flabbergasted. I’ve seen my favorite band in concert and it cost me 38 bucks. I’d be willing to pay more, but not 562 bucks more.
18:48 – Back at the apartment awaiting Bethany’s arrival.  We are deciding between two locations. Hard Times Café and Mac’s Industrial Sports Bar.  We decide on Mac’s Industrial based on the fact that their menu includes a Fried Plate of Death.
20:37 – I am face to face with the Fried Plate of Death.  It is a good distraction because despite the fact this is a sports bar, all that is on their televisions is stupid hockey. I secretly hate this state.  Saint Cloud State is embarrassing Minnesota. 1 billion chinamen and this American could care less.  Fried Plate of Death is good, but not great.  It pales in comparison to the appetizer combo plate at The Open Flame.  Now I am longing for The Open Flame.
22:28 – Make plan with Becca to go to the Sculpture Garden at 1 PM on Saturday.
23:13 – Watching Weeds with Nate back in Eagan.

Saturday
11:00 – Search in vain for a way to watch Iowa State-Texas game. Ends with me staring at Bethany’s computer watch Gamecast on ESPN.com.
11:04 – Bethany calls from work. Suggests I go over to John’s to watch football. That would be awesome, but I already have plans with Becca to go to the Sculpture Garden.
12:28 – Halftime: Iowa State 14 Texas 3. Really wish I could watch this game.
13:00 – Arrive at Becca and Gelli’s.  I watch Iowa State-Texas game on Gamecast on my phone.
13:14 – Becca and I head for lunch at Hard Times Café.
13:26 – Becca thinks Hard Times Café is in Dinkytown. We end up in a traffic jam. Minnesota must have a football game at 2:30.  Look at all these people headed to the stadium.
13:43 – We drive past Minnesota Stadium.  All these people aren’t driving to the stadium. They are leaving the stadium! There is 5 minutes left in the game and there is maybe 10,000 people left in the stadium. I text Jesse to find out the score of the Minnesota-Penn State game. Minnesota is down by 9.  They are down by 9 and their stadium is empty.
14:11 – We find Hard Times Café. It is in a Somalian neighborhood. That is code for ghetto in Minnesotan.
14:16 – This is a true hipster place.  Vegan and vegetarian food. The baristas AND the clientele scream cliché hipster. Who am I to judge though? They probably look at me and think I look like a cliché badass and it is true, but badass is who I am. I can’t run from it.
14:18 – Hard Times Café has an interesting way to order. You write down your food order on a piece of paper and hand it to the barista. But for the drink, you can actually talk to the barista. I order an Eden Omelet and Organic Grape Juice.
14:22 – Derrick calls me. Iowa State has officially beat Texas for the first time in school history. We discuss how proud we are to be Cyclones.
14:25 – I text Russell to ask him if he believes in fantasies. I still haven’t heard from him. Andree and Jesse both text me to celebrate the victory. I had received texts from Baier earlier in the day, but surprisingly he does not text me after the game.  Perhaps he was still in shock.
14:27 – Our food is up.  It is very good. I try some of Becca’s biscuits and gravy. It is surprisingly good for not having any meat in it.
15:03 – We arrive at The Sculpture Garden.  Although they have moved some sculptures around, I don’t think there are any new sculptures from the time I visited it with Bethany a couple of years back.
15:05 – Lots of wedding parties here getting their pictures taken with a giant cherry. Little weird Minnesotans.
15:27 – The flower garden hear is amazing!
16:47 – At Jamba Juice.  This is my first lifetime visit to a Whole Foods.  I order Banana Berry Smoothie without a boost. I don’t believe in performance enhancers.
17:00 – Hug Becca goodbye.  Going to Bloomington to meet Bethany and John at John’s place to take some pictures.
17:03 – The quickest route between Minneapolis and Bloomington involves 35W South.  The police have closed this road because Obama is in town.  I appreciate the meaningful health care reform. I appreciate Wall Street reform. I appreciate removing combat troops from Iraq. I don’t appreciate this Obama!  It will be a long 8 mile drive down Nicollet, with the sunlight wasting away.
17:22 – Arrive at John’s. Bethany still isn’t ready. Sorry for the angry words Obama.
17:47 – Arrive at Century Park. It is pretty dark, but we take some good pictures.  At least I hope they are good.
20:27 – At The Park Tavern Bowling & Entertainment Center in St. Louis Park.  For years I’ve listened to Bethany praise the green chicken wings served here.  Here with John, Bethany and John’s friend Ryan.  Hostess asks us if we want a table near the karaoke or far from the karaoke.  We ask if they can just “not do karaoke”.  She responds, “I wish.  Believe me. I wish.” Her eyes glaze over as she seems to be remembering a traumatic experience from the past.  Then in an instant she is back with us.  She seats us around a corner and far from the karaoke.
20:33 – Some guys is killing Journey on stage. Not in the Brandi Carlile way, this is literally musical homicide.  Hatred for karaoke is reinforced.
20:47 – The green chicken wings arrive.  They are excellent!  They are also very spicy and very large.  They are least 4 times the size of normal chicken wings.  Also interesting is rather than celery, the “side dish” is cucumber slices.  Tasty, but I think it actually makes the burning sensation on my lips worse.
20:52 – Woman who actually belongs a stage is doing a serviceable job on Janis Joplin. As it turns out, serviceable is as good as it gets on this night.
20:55 – Nate calls and says to order for him in 15 minutes.
21:10 – We order for him.
21:14 – The guy that murdered Journey is now murdering Survivor.  Fantastic!
21:20 – Nate’s wings arrive.
21:40 – Nate arrives.
23:23 – On the way back to John’s I hear my first legendary John-Hardcore-Right-Wing-Rant.  Ryan holds his own as his Yes Man!  Some of my favorite phrases include, “Back in the 70s” and “I heard a scientist say once.”  Okay, my real favorite phrase was when Bethany says, “I’ve asked you to show me documentation of that claim before and you can’t find any!”
23:42 – Back at John’s watching Jim Gaffigan clips on YouTube.

Sunday
00:47 – I hug Bethany goodbye.
1:13 – Nate is already asleep.  I read several website reports of Iowa State’s historic victory over Texas.
8:45 – This is the 4th Sunday of the year that I have missed Church.  I missed Super Bowl Sunday, the Sunday after my Birthday Barbecue and Swell Season Sunday.  Now this Sunday.  Based on the Shorty Peterson Church Credit Theory, I still have perfect attendance.  I have missed 4 services, but I also went on Ash Wednesday, Maundy Thursday and Good Friday.  I also once stopped in on a Contemporary Service. However, that is partial credit at best.  I should really go to the Taize Worship in November. I know I’ll also go to the bonus Christmas Eve service. If they don’t cancel the midnight service this year, I might hit two services on Christmas Eve. I might end up with better than perfect attendance before the year is over.
10:02 – Nate wakes up.
10:15 – I say goodbye to Nate. No hug. Get in the car to head to Oakdale.
10:45 – I knock on the door to Jill’s apartment.  There is a small amount of time before we have to leave to make it to Hell’s Kitchen.  Our reservation is for 11:30.  Jill is watching the Travel Channel’s all day marathon of Ghost Adventures.
10:52 – I make an effort to be friends with Kitty Baby. The other encounters I’ve had with her have not gone particularly well.  This time she doesn’t hiss or run away from me. This is known as progress.
10:58 – Jill is going to see Maroon 5 in concert on Thursday. I already know this, but you probably don’t.
10:59 – Standing in the parking lot trying to decide who will drive. Jill says, “Don’t you want to ride in the Poor Man’s Porsche?” Truth is that I never miss a chance to ride in the Poor Man’s Porsche.
11:04 – Jill tells me that when she made our reservation, they told her that Hell’s Kitchen has a jazz band playing during brunch.  Considerable improvement over karaoke.  In fact, it is nearly impossible to quantify the breadth of that improvement.
11:06 – Jill asks if “How” is still my favorite song from Maroon 5’s new album.  I tell her it is, but the acoustic versions of “Never Gonna Leave This Bed” and “Misery” along with the cover of Alicia Keys “If I Ain’t Got You” are closing the gap.  She plays for me the iTunes Bonus Track “The Air That I Breathe”. She tells me she’s excited for Thursday.
11:11 – Jill tells me she’s excited for Thursday.
11:16 – Jill tells me she’s excited for Thursday.
11:20 – Jill tells me she’s excited for Thursday.
11:28 – We arrive at Hell’s Kitchen. The hostess asks us if we want a table near or far away from the jazz band.  We give the exact opposite answer that we gave the hostess from last night.
11:48 – This is a really cool restaurant.  Live jazz band. The servers are wearing pajamas. The art on the wall is cool without being contrived. There is an awesome angel statue on the stage behind the jazz trio.
11:52 – Our food arrives.  We ordered Sweet Potato Fries as an appetizer. Jill ordered Shrimp & Crab Cake with Poached Egg. I order Bison Benedict.
11:57 – I’m not a huge fan of breakfast at a restaurant, but this is phenomenal.  This definitely goes on the list of the best restaurants I’ve ever eaten at.
12:22 – The jazz trio announce when they will be playing Hell’s Kitchen again.  On the list of their future appearances is a night when they will be playing Led Zeppelin’s Houses of the Holy. I wish I could be here for that.
12:28 – While paying the bill we discuss whether or not we could steal the sweet pen our server brought her to sign the check.  We do this in front of the waiter. He tells us to go ahead and steal it. He says he sometimes brings stuff to people for them to steal. We decide not to steal the pen.
13:30 – We are at the Carmike Cinema in Oakdale. The original plan was to go see “Hereafter”. That isn’t actually true. The original plan was to see “Life As We Know It”, but after Jill’s most recent trip home, I showed her the trailer for “Hereafter” and “The Fighter”.  She decided that she would rather see “Hereafter” and we made very soft plans to see “The Fighter” when it comes out. However, we didn’t make it back from Hell’s Kitchen in time, so we are back to the original plan of seeing “Life As We Know It”.
15:30 – It is a fair but predictable movie. Most romantic comedies are predictable, so I don’t hold that against it.  I can deal with predictable as long as it is well done.
16:15 – Hug Jill goodbye. Wish her luck at darts.
18:30 – Stop in Albert Lea for gas and fast food at Burger King.
20:00 – Home. Foster Bunny survived my absence, but I swear he looks lonely. A trick of the eye.
21:00 – Start of first Computer Mine basketball game of the season. 9 players here. This is promising. Played a couple games last year with 5 or less players.  Still haven’t recovered from cold completely and am feeling the aches of being in car for 3.5 hours. I decide to play as little as I can in this game.
21:15 – First extended playing time in this game. I feel like I’m going to vomit. Burger King was a big mistake.
22:00 – We kept it close for most of the game, but lose by a final score of 66-45. Although that sounds bad, this is actually very promising.
22:22 – Ha! Ha! Brett Favre loses to the Packers!

Monday
8:58 – Back at Computer Mine. Vacation officially over.

Movie Review: Secretariat

Movie Secretariat

Director: Randall Wallace (We Were Soldiers, The Man in the Iron Mask)

Screenwriter:  Mike Rich (The Nativity Story, Radio, The Rookie, Finding Forrester)

Starring:  Diane Lane (The Perfect Storm, Unfaithful, Jumper); John Malkovich (Dangerous Liaisons, Being John Malkovich, Con Air) and Dylan Walsh (Congo, The Lake House, The Stepfather)

Theater – Cinemark Movies 12 – Ames, Iowa

Companion – Nader Parsaei

Food – King Buffet

Intellectual Honesty

I am an absolute sucker for a horse movie.  I’m not sure Hollywood could make a horse movie I wouldn’t love.  That includes you Hot to Trot!

Baggage

I don’t think that Randall Wallace can direct a movie that is above average.  I don’t think Disney makes very good live action movies.  Yes, Old Yeller is the first movie to make me cry and I still cry every time I see it, but in the last 20 years the only Disney live action movie that is watchable is The Rookie.

Synopsis

Housewife and mother Penny Chenery (Lane) takes over her ailing father’s Virginia bases Meadow Stables, despite her lack of horse-racing knowledge. Against all odds, Chenery – with the help of veteran trainer Lucien Laurin (Malkovich) – and while putting her marriage at risk – manages to navigate the male-dominated business, ultimately fostering the first Triple Crown winner in twenty-five years.

Review

I often heard the following indictment of the movie Titanic: “I don’t need to see the movie. I already know the ship sinks.”  It is a statement of ignorance and is hardly a decent indictment of 2nd highest grossing movie of all-time.  It isn’t a legitimate criticism because the setting of Titanic sinking is just that, the setting. You know the ship sinks, but you don’t know what is going to happen to the fictional characters Jack and Rose.  So while you watch the movie knowing that eventually the big ship is going to run into an iceberg and end up on the floor of the Atlantic Ocean, you don’t know if Jack and Rose will end up on the sea floor with the mighty ship or if they will be part of the few hundreds of people that managed to survive that freezing April night.

If somebody was to say to me, “I don’t need to see Secretariat, I already know that he wins.”  I actually would agree with them that knowing that Secretariat wins does take something out of seeing this movie.  The way the screenplay is written, the entire payoff of the movie is the Belmont Stakes.  A race that even people who know nothing about horse racing know Secretariat won by over 30 lengths. Perhaps the single most dominant performance in any sport in sporting history.

However, even knowing how the movie is going to end, I’m not sure that the story of Secretariat would make a great movie without considerable creative license taken by the filmmakers.

Let’s face it, Secretariat is the greatest racehorse to ever live.  The only other horse that can ever be entered into the conversation is Man o’ War.  A horse that was so dominant that the 1 and only time he lost a race, it popularized the term upset for a description of a surprising outcome in a sporting event.  The horse that defeated Man o’ War was named Upset.

However, Secretariat was at least as dominating as Man o’ War. He won the Triple Crown while setting records in 2 of the 3 races.  Winning the third jewel of the Triple Crown by an incredible 31 lengths.  His time of 2:24 broke the stakes record by more than 2 seconds!

An absolutely amazing animal, but great sports movies aren’t about dominant athletes.  They are about underdogs.  Nobody would watch a movie following my training for a 1 on 1 basketball game against Jesse Howard with a climax of me beating him yet again.  No! People would want to see a movie following his training to play me.  Then he would have lots of unorthodox training methods and in the game he would make some improbable shots and upset me barely.  On a last second shot.

So in Secretariat they make a game effort to make Penny Chenery (Lane) an underdog, but it falls short.  She is a woman in a man’s world, sort of.  She is never the victim of any discrimination. She isn’t supported by her husband and she borderline abandons her family, but the only thing that ever happens in that world are a couple of terse conversations with her husband and her eldest daughter almost becomes a hippie.  That being said, her hippie daughter and her hippie friends are the cleanest hippies I’ve ever seen.  They look more like the cast of the Partridge Family than real hippies, but I guess that is still a threat to conservative Southern family values. The only real conflict she faces in the entire movie is she has to raise 6 million dollars to pay her inheritance tax or risk having to sell Secretariat.  As intriguing as that sounds on the surface, when was the last “underdog” you knew that had to struggle to pay 6 million in inheritance taxes?  Boo-frigging-hoo!

There are aspects of the story that are undeniably interesting.  Secretariat was won on a losing coin toss.  The richest man in the world flipped a coin with Penny Chenery and won the coin toss.  Then he picked the other horse.  Chenery won Secretariat by default.

Secretariat lost his last race before the Kentucky Derby because he has an abscess and wasn’t able to train much before the Kentucky Derby.

But an abscess and 6 million dollars in inheritance taxes do not much of a story make.

In addition to not taking you on much of a roller coaster ride, the script is riddled with some pretty bad dialogue. I don’t think anybody could have given a great performance, considering the type of stuff they were forced to say. Malkovich’s character Lucien Laurin plays more like a caricature than a character.  That being said, it is still awful fun watching him play the cheeseball to the hilt.  Secretariat’s great rival’s (Sham) owner is way over the top.

I’d read a couple of reviews of this movie that claim that Secretariat is a form of Tea Party propaganda.  Certainly some of the politics in the movie are right wing (who else would use inheritance taxes as a plot conflict? Even though it is true.) but it isn’t propaganda.  At least it isn’t decently made propaganda.

The horse racing action sequence are well done, but boring when compared to what is still the greatest horse movie ever made Seabiscuit.

Secretariat might have been the better horse, but Seabiscuit is a way better movie.

Rating: 2.5/5 Caramels

Buy on DVD: Nope, but I’ll watch it again when it is on ABC Family.

2010 Ranking: Unranked at this time.

Bonus Information: There weren’t really any trailers that rang my bell.  I saw a longer trailer for Tangled, the Rapunzel movie and it looks even dumber than the teaser trailer I had seen a few months ago.  I remain intrigued by Megamind. I am bothered by the fact that the trailer for Unstoppable makes it look like a really good movie, but it is directed by Tony Scott, therefore it will suck.

Next Week:

Next week I will actually see 2 movies.  Red on Tuesday and Hereafter on Sunday.  I will also be on vacation, so I’m not sure when stuff will get published, but we’ll see how that cookie crumbles when I get my hands on it.