Category Archives: Andree

Celebration Nonterminus

It has been an interesting week thus far.

I thought that yesterday I was going to take a major step forward towards fixing my car situation. Jason and I had scoped out a 2004 Buick LeSabre on Car Trader. It was right within my desired price range and only had 33,000 miles on it.

I called down to the dealership in Perry to make sure the car was still there and then I left work early and we headed down. Basically as we pulled onto the lot, the car we came to look at drove off the lot with its new owner.

The car had sat on the lot since September without being sold. In the two hours between when we called down to see if it was still on the lot and showed up on the lot it had been sold.

I’m not much of a fate guy, but I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. The car search continues.

Birthday Gatherings

I have not celebrated my birthday much recently. However, this year it seems to be over celebrated. I had a barbecue with the family on Sunday. Jay took me to West Side Deli for lunch on Monday. I had lunch with Stephanie at Dublin Bay on Tuesday.

Check out the sweet hunk of bread she brought me from Pittsburgh:



From the Allegro Bakery in Pittsburgh, PA.

On Tuesday night Baier, Russell and Andree took me out to King Buffet. I’ve gotten a few phone messages from people wanting to give me “late cakes” or go see Indiana Jones next week. So the Sunday gathering might be a small group, but perhaps it will be just the right number of people.

Ames Jaycees Sandbox Fill

Saturday was the big annual Ames Jaycees Sandbox Fill. I’m going to try to combine a couple of different things together to describe the event and I’m not sure it is going to come together exactly right.

So like I was saying, Saturday was the big annual Ames Jaycees Sandbox Fill. We met up at the Salvation Army at about 8:30 in the morning. We were split up into two teams: Team 1 and Team 2. I was assigned to Team 2. I felt that our team name was not indicative of our dominance in the realm of sandbox filling and was an attempt by Team 1 to claim a superiority that they hadn’t earned at the handles of a wheelbarrow. I suggested that we change our team name to Team Kicks Team 1’s Ass. I’m not sure we ever really made a decision on our team name.

Regardless of the fact that our team name did not indicate such, we were filled with powerhouses:

  • Shannon (Team Leader)
  • Melissa
  • Jamie
  • Adam
  • Jason
  • Keith

We ended up dominating the morning and early afternoon by any meaningful criteria. We filled two more sandboxes than they did, including 1 that wasn’t even on our list of assigned sandboxes and 1 that was on Team 1’s list. We also finished up well before they did, despite a couple of hiccups that were not the fault of anybody on our team.

On a downer note, I was also told that I seemed like a Computer Guy. I don’t think that I’ve ever been so insulted in many a year.

Monday morning came around and I started exchanging e-mails with my chums from The Principal Group. I let it slip out that I had stood around the Salvation Army parking lot for about 25 minutes on Saturday morning.

Russell jumped onto this little tidbit:

You appear to be loitering or are involved in some sort of drug trafficking scheme. Am I the only one who felt this needed explaining?

I wrote back:

It was actually public service. Saturday was the Jaycees Sandbox Fill. We met at the Salvation Army. Look below to see a not very good picture of me from Saturday.


Ames Jaycees Sandbox Fill - 2008

The Me Not Looking So Good Picture

To which Russell replied:

You still appear to be committing some sort of criminal activity. The other person has a do rag, and when the do rag comes out, it’s never above board. How long have you worked for the mafia, Chris?

And Andree added:

I believe that Chris was indeed working. He’s a photographer, thus knows when to stop working and how to pose when a photo-op arrives to make himself as photogenic as possible given the circumstances.

And Baier added:

Doesn’t anyone else think that Chris looks added to this picture; to make it seem like he did a public service? Really; what kind of person who is actually working with a wheelbarrow smiles?

Then Russell added this:

Why the hell is she doing the digging and you’re holding a wheelbarrow? Be a man and get your hands dirty!

To which I was forced to respond:

I don’t know what is more manly, but moving a wheelbarrow full of sand is not work for the faint of heart. It is a manly and strenuous job. But if you must know, I did my fair share of raking. See picture below:

Ames Jaycees Sandbox Fill - 2008

Look! My hands are dirty and now it is more difficult to eat donuts.

Now I’m going to step back from The Principal Group for a moment. There was one moment that kind of soured the day. There was a moment of prejudice and bigotry that made the day a little bit sad. The type of prejudice and bigotry that I thought that this great nation of ours had moved beyond, but I’m going to regale you with the tale because at least one member of Team Kicks Team 1’s Ass found it to be a hoot.

A customer of ours saw Jamie pushing a wheelbarrow.


Ames Jaycees Sandbox Fill - 2008
Jamie and her Wheelbarrow

The customer approached Shannon and asked her this bigoted question:

What do you call a woman doing a man’s job?

I don’t know.

Lazy.

Let us put that sad story of prejudice and move back to the e-mails of The Principal Group.

After I sent out the picture of my raking, I figured I would be inundated with apologies, but that didn’t happen.

Russell responded thusly:

And in this picture you’re face is enshrouded in darkness. And how cruel is it to be burying merchandise and stolen goods underneath children’s playground equipment? Have you mafia types no shame?

I responded:

Perhaps you would like to sign on and help for next year? Stolen merchandise just won’t bury its self.

For the record, I now have a prejudice against sandboxes that are underneath play equipment, where the slide doesn’t move out of the way.

Russell’s reply:

I will volunteer if there aren’t a lot of kids running around. The Big Hu-Hot has never been an patient man. And the Big Hu-Hot will also not work in inclement conditions, but is not opposed to some muscle work if it’s for a good cause or a percentage of any profits. My do rag is black, though, not lily white, so I’d be naturally worried that would cause a conflict.

So perhaps next year I might be able to get Russell out there to move some sand around.

I do have more pictures of the event. You can click on the picture below, or the link below the picture and it will take you to my Snapshots Gallery. After that all you have to do is click on the Ames Jaycees Album and get to perusing.


Ames Jaycees’ Sandbox Fill

SNAPSHOTS GALLERY NO LONGER EXISTS

A few things for you to consider about the Snapshots Gallery. You can now register to use the Snapshots Gallery. The only thing that is required is a valid e-mail address.

In the upper right hand corner, there is a link that says “Register”. Just click on that, agree to my terms and conditions and then fill out some information. An e-mail will arrive in your inbox that tells you how to complete the registration process. Here is a hint: It involves clicking on a link in the e-mail.

Once you have registered, you can Login. Here are the benefits of registering:

  • Unlock Private Albums
  • Edit Personal Profile Information
  • Leave Comments on Pictures
  • Rate Pictures
  • Favorite Pictures

This Gallery is still under construction (meaning new pictures are added daily), but it is fully functioning.

If for some reason you don’t get an e-mail to activate your account, then just e-mail me and I’ll activate your account.

Also, if you have an account for the Artistic Photo Gallery, that doesn’t mean you have an account for the Snapshots Gallery. The galleries are controlled by separate databases (in actuality separate tables) and therefore you need to create separate accounts for both. However, you can still use all the same information for both.

Any way, that is enough computer garbage. You’ll figure it out, I’m starting to sound like a Computer Guy, but that is a bit of unpleasantness to discuss in the future.

Little White Lye Bonus

What you are about to experience is bits of a national advertising campaign that I would suggest that Little White Lye Soap launch immediately. However, I don’t have much pull in that department. So we’ll have to see what happens.

These pictures are of the actual models that I would use, but the background is not the background that I would use, for most of the models because I just took a picture of them the first time that I ran into them. Just imagine that the background is consistent with the quote underneath the characters.


04-19-08
“After a long day of kissing babies and pressing flesh, nothing cleans off the smell of constituent like Little White Lye Soap.”

04-19-08
“Oh my! After a long evening at the theater with Tennessee Williams, nothing cleans off the powerful odor of mendacity like Little White Lye Soap.”

04-19-08
“Nothing relaxes me and makes me ready for sleep after a long day’s work than a hot shower with Little White Lye Soap.”

04-19-08
“After a long morning of schooling chumps, nothing takes the rank of other people’s failures and broken dreams off me like Little White Lye Soap.”

04-19-08
“After a long night of grinding on the honeys in the clubs, nothing rids a dance machine of the stench of barfly like Little White Lye Soap.”

04-19-08
“There is just no way around it, I’m a handsome man and Little White Lye keeps me handsome by making me clean, while being gentle on my sensitive skin.”

04-19-08
My woman likes my skin to be soft to the touch and Little White Lye Soap keeps my skin soft and that makes my woman happy.”

04-19-08
“After a long night of rocking, Little White Lye Soap cleans off the reek of groupie and leaves me smelling fresh in the morning.”

04-19-08
“After a long day at the office explaining to old people that their 401K dropping 25% in value in the last week is just a normal market fluctuation I feel morally dirty. Nothing restores me to moral equilibrium like a long bath with Little White Lye Soap.”

I imagine these running in GQ. I’ll have to wait and see what the boss says.

Mendacious

Over the last few days I have intermittently worked on some photos for a big product endorsement I’m going to be doing in the very near future. I asked a few friends to pose for the picture, without giving them any information. I would have thought that our friendship would have been enough for them to just sign on to be willing participants for my photo experiments. I learned that some of my friends just don’t trust me that much. Here is a break down of friends that trust me and friends that need to ask questions constantly:


Friends that Trust

Baier
Jesse
Nader
Russell
Faust
Derrick

Friends that Don’t Trust

Jay
Willy
Andree

I don’t know if these guys are just the untrusting sort or if I have wronged them at some point in our past.

Spring Game

I started my Saturday by stepping on the basketball court at Beyer Hall for the first time in over a year. To be more direct, it was the first time I have stepped on any basketball court in over a year.

On the court with me was Andree, Russell and Baier. We had been planning this game for over a month. Through a series of e-mails I might have built my basketball skills up to them based on the baller that I was in my youth. I was not the only one though. Russell gave himself the nickname The Open Flame. I believe he also gave himself the nickname the Big HuHot. He also gave himself the nickname The Big Nome de Plume. However, he decided to rely mostly on the nickname The Open Flame. I tried to get him to wear a head band with flame design, but he only indicated that he would “work on it”.

I did not want to be outnicknamed, so in the tradition of some of my friends, I chose to give myself the nickname The Almighty. This was mostly based on the fact that Andree claims that the only thing that could make him cower is being in the presence of The Almighty.

There was doubt that I would be able to live up to the nickname, but through our first three contests I lived up to the nickname and more. I opened up the outside game early, then I showed off my post up moves. Then I cracked out the dribble penetration. Finally I showed off the passing game.

After three games, I was The Almighty. I was undefeated and everybody else had felt the bitter taste of defeat. Then my years of eating bad food and not exercising caught up to me. I ran out of steam. I didn’t fare so well in the last couple of games, but no need to dwell on that.

After the basketball game, Baier and I met up with Willy, Faust and Bret in lot B6 for a little tailgating. I had brought my grill over, but I was a bit concerned that it would not fire up. That fear was not necessary. The grill fired up and we knocked down a wide assortment of meats and a pasta salad that Baier had made. A couple other gents joined us and we made our way to the spring game. I posted some pictures from the Spring Game in the Snapshots Gallery. You can get there via the picture of the link below:


Spring Game

IOWA STATE FOOTBALL – 2008


I have some observations from the Spring Game, but I don’t really put any stock in the Spring Game, so I won’t bore you with any of that information.

Random Romantic Thoughts

During the week I engage in random intellectual discussions with Andree, Russell, and Jason Baier. The topics covered range from music to movies to politics to sports to religion to fine dining.

Yesterday Russell wanted to know what we considered to be the best romantic movies ever made. I thought I would post my response. Even though it is fairly random and just what I thought about off the top of my head.

In no particular order:

Casablanca– One of the greatest movies of all-time, period.

West Side Story– Greatest musical ever made, period.

Roman Holiday– Audrey Hepburn, what can I say Russell, when you are right, you are right.

My Fair Lady-My 2nd favorite musical. Very sexist ending though.

Singin’ in the Rain– 3rd favorite musical. Makes me wish I could dance in the way that West Side Story makes me wish I was in a gang.

King Kong (1933)- One of my favorite movies of all-time, but most chicks don’t dig it.

Beauty and the Beast– French version or Disney version.

Titanic– Badmouth the movie all you want. It won 10 Academy Awards and is the highest grossing movie of all-time, yet it isn’t cool to admit you like it. I love it.

It Happened One Night– One of the greatest romantic comedies of all time. Clark Gable at his best.

The Philadelphia Story-My favorite romantic comedy of all time. Jimmy Stewart, Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn. What more do you need to say.

Shakespeare in Love-Funny and sad and beautifully written.

The Graduate-Kind of creepy, but still a great love story with a great ending.

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner– Another movie that trendy people don’t like, but you give me a movie with Poitier, Hepburn and Tracy and I’ll take it every time. There are at least 3 great scenes in this movie.

Sabrina (1954)- Audrey Hepburn, does it every time, except Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I really don’t like Breakfast at Tiffany’. Perhaps it is because of the overt racism.

The Apartment– Perhaps my all-time favorite Jack Lemmon movie. I think he plays a character that a lot of guys can relate to.

Marty– A chick flick from a guy’s perspective. The lesson of this movie is a great one and I wish more guys could learn it.

The Princess Bride-Still the best fantasy movie ever made. “As You Wish”

Lady and the Tramp– The spaghetti scene, come on!

Dirty Dancing– I hated this movie so much growing up, but it has grown on me over the years.

Grease-What happened to you John Travolta? Unfortunately spawned the worst sequel of all-time.

Jerry Maguire– “You complete me”.

Funny Face– Audrey Hepburn, say no more. Say no more.

Once– I repeat, if you haven’t seen this movie yet, do what it takes to see this movie.

Good Will Hunting-“Sonofabitch, he stole my line.”

Ever After-Not quite as clever as it wants to be, but still pretty good.

It’s a Wonderful Life-Best Christmas movie ever made.

On the Waterfront– Reveals how the love of a woman can push a man to new heights.

Forrest Gump– Glad they didn’t make the book straight up.

10 Things I Hate About You– Cute high school movie with an extremely talented cast.

A Beautiful Mind-Not a great movie, but I do like it. “I need to believe, that something extraordinary is possible.”

This is all I got for now. I’m sure when I get home and look through my DVD catalog something else will strike me.

I don’t care for Sleepless in Seattle or the remake, You’ve Got Mail.

I would point out that I do love Gone with the Wind, but I do not consider it to be a great love story. Unless you consider the love story between Scarlett O’Hara and herself. She is an evil person and the movie is about Rhett finally figuring it out. There is a reason why one of the greatest lines in movie history is at the end of this movie. No, Scarlett would have never gotten Rhett to take her back. Margaret Mitchell is on record as saying that and that is why she never wrote a sequel.

Mmmm…. Eel!

Last week I had a heated debate with Andree, Russell and Andree about what is the best Asian restaurant in Ames. This happened because Andree had the temerity to badmouth Hu Hot. Somewhere in the debate, the good name CoCost was slandered, everybody agreed to the greatness of CHC and the restaurant China One International Buffet was discussed.

China One International Buffet was brought up by Andree as a place that I would love if I loved Buffet City. I do love Buffet City and sometimes I’ve been known to take their crayfish home to photograph, but that is another story.

A plan was hatched. Last night Jay and I met Jason, Andree and Russell after they concluded their work day at Principal and hit China One. We hit it hard. It was everything that Andree had hyped it up to be and I ate eel sushi.

After the meal was completed and we parted company with Andree and Russell, Jay, Jason and I loaded up into the Rideshare van and headed towards the Des Moines River because I wanted to snap off a couple of photos.

As we headed in that general direction we passed a parking ramp. I remembered a night after Sara’s graduation party where I stood outside that parking ramp in the middle of an ice storm lamenting the fact that this parking ramp was locked down tight as a drum.

I pointed out the parking ramp to Jason and told him how I wished that I was able to get to the top of that parking ramp.

He looked at me and said some magical words:

“I can get into that parking ramp with this card.” Then he picked up a card that was sitting near the dash.

“Then lets go to that parking ramp.”

We made a quick turn and entered the parking ramp. When we got to the top after about 10 minutes, the view was even more beautiful than I had dared hope. We were right across the street from the cheesy*, rotating cross that adorns the FUMC of Downtown Des Moines.

My only problem was that I wasn’t prepared for such a development. The lens that I wanted for this moment was sitting 30 miles away, in my car, in Huxley, attached to the Maxxum 5 (not to be mistaken for the Maxxum 5D). I was also planning on using a polarizing filter for when I came face to face with this beauty.

However, I shouldn’t complain. This was not the ideal circumstance, but I could get some shots and be satisfied with the knowledge that I could come back at a later date all prepared and with more time. As it turns out, Jason Baier makes a poor photo assistant with all of his whining about wanting to get home to see his family before he has to go to bed because he works at 7 in the morning.

So I present some of what I got on top of that parking ramp and some of what I got down by the river.


03-12-08

03-12-08

03-12-08

03-12-08

03-12-08

03-12-08

03-12-08

03-12-08

03-12-08

You might notice that some of these pictures are a bit crooked, more than usual. I broke the piece of my tripod off last night that I would use to straighten out the camera. I decided not to fix the slant in post to remind me of how angry I was when that piece broke of my tripod. I hope nobody thinks I’m into Dutch Angles.

*I do not condone the use of the word cheesy in connection with this beautiful cross, but I would not know this cross existed if Shannon wasn’t complaining about it being cheesy.

Rambo Platoon

Tonight was the big Rambo night. Below is a picture of the gentlemen that made their way to our local multiplex to view Rambo with me.


01-31-08

Pictured left to right: Jeff, Yours Truly, Scottie D., Jesse, Derrick, Jason Baier, Jay, Andree and Greg.

Not pictured is Russell. He finally relented to viewing Rambo despite contending that his “self respect was not expendable”. However, Russell took off immediately after the film and is not in the photo.

Preceding the movie was a dinner and Rambo discussion. Almost everybody shared a favorite Rambo moment from the past. I will publish those in due course, after I compile my own personal list of my ten favorite Rambo moments.

Johnny Consumer

I’d like to think that I had a better than average week this week. It started out poorly as the Padres lost to the Rockies in a play in game and despite the fact that the umpire blew the call that gave the Rockies the win, I accept the loss because the umpires also blew a call that would have given the Rockies another run and ended the game in their favor after 9 innings.

Tuesday night I got the pleasure of changing the spark plugs in my car. So now when I’m cruising up the entrance ramp on my way home from work the engine doesn’t misfire or hesitate. Then on Wednesday night I changed out both front wheel bearings on the car, so now instead of listening to an intense grinding noise where ever I go, I hear only the sweet hum of my engine and whatever tune is currently emanating from the iPod.

In all honesty (I worry that I’m pointing out my honesty too much lately, which might make me seem like a less than honest person. Truth be known, I’m an honest person face to face. It is only in these blogs that I tell half truths [such as there is no Book of Maximum Overdrive – at least one that isn’t a prophetic text] to slightly skew the perspective of these tales.) it is my brother-in-law Jason that actually changed the spark plugs and the wheel bearings, but I did stay in the garage to provide enlightening and engaging conversation, in addition to moral support.

On Thursday night I got myself a haircut from Monica. During that time I learned that Monica had briefly dated a guy that played the bagpipes. I couldn’t believe that she had broken up with a piper. I know the strong spell that the sound of bagpipes put on the women folk, even though this “fact” was called into question by some women folk on Saturday night, I stand by my assertion.

After the haircut, I attended an Ames Jaycees meeting with Shannon. It is the contention of Shannon that if I were to join the Jaycees, I could take pictures of “ground zero” at next year’s Independence Day fireworks display.

The meeting took place at the Jaycees haunted house which is just north of the Halloween “Bootique” in North Grand Mall. The meeting began with a tour of the haunted house. This year they are having a pirate themed haunted house that is sure to scare the “ship” out of you. Don’t blame me if you didn’t like that play on words. I’m just reporting the facts.

After the tour everybody was guided back to an extremely large bathroom where the meeting was held. I think that Shannon thought that this aspect would be my favorite part of the meeting. This aspect was amusing, but it wasn’t my favorite part of the meeting.

A little while back I (at least I believe) mildly offended Shannon by calling her hyper-organized. She confessed (yes I’m acting like being organized is a crime) to be organized, but not to an insane degree that one would need to use or even manufacture a label such as “hyper-organized” and apply it to her.

Shannon is a Jaycees bigwig. Although I don’t believe that I’m revealing any Jaycees secrets by letting you know that in fact the bigwigs do no wear big wigs, to indicate the amount of power within their grasp. They just sit at the front of the room.

There were times when the meeting would seem to lose its focus. I would describe the meeting as having gone off on a tangent because of my love for mathematics. Others in the room would describe such a set of circumstances as “chasing rabbits” based on their love for Jefferson Airplane. Regardless of what euphemism you would use to describe the situation, on at least three occasions Shannon had to redirect the meeting to bring it back to its agenda prescribed focus or to point out some error the meeting had made in parliamentary procedure. Each time, despite a game effort to conceal it, she clearly displayed an amount of irritation. These moments were my favorite aspect of the meeting. But she isn’t hyper-organized.

After the meeting I went out to supper with Monica and Suzie. It was an excellent opportunity to learn more about the piper. However, it was slightly disappointing as it turns out the piper never once fired up the bagpipes for Monica. Although he did once show her is rather large and extensive collection of bagpipe CDs.

FNSC met at Dublin Bay. There is not a tremendous amount to report from those proceedings. Just the usual. Trying to get Willy to sign off on one of us wearing a bear suit and jumping out and surprising the people he hikes with on Saturdays so that he could look like a hero in front of them when he wrestles the bear and wins.

On Saturday night I was spared listening to the Cyclones thrashing by Tech by going out to eat with Russell, Andree, Jason and Janelle to celebrate Janelle’s emancipation from Dasher Mismanagement.

This was a good time as I learned that Jay “Mr. Secret” Janson has been keeping a secret from me, again. You have to keep an eye on that guy and that Janelle is actually more over insured than I am.

It is always an enjoyable night with those guys as I get to listen to Russell reveal one crackpot sports opinion after another. (Texas Tech is a top 25 team, Nebraska is going to be good this year, Bill Calahan is a good coach, Terrell Davis isn’t a Hall of Famer, the Celtics are winning the East next year) Then Jason gets to try to defend the Chiefs and Andree provides the only other voice of reason. Janelle is a Cubs and Bears fan, so it is was a good time watching the Diamondbacks eliminate the Cubs. The highlight of the night being when the Cubs loaded the bases with one out and some Cub grounded into a double play to end the inning. As for the Bears? Just discussing the NFL in front of a Bears fan is usually punishment enough for them. Some of them actually thought the Bears were going to be good this year.

After the Emancipation Celebration, I hopped into my quiet smooth running car for the trip down to Beaverdale for Sara’s birthday party. I had been charged with the task of inviting her Boone County friends to the party. Although I was diligent in my duty, I was also derelict in my execution.

I spread the word, but I spread the wrong time. In fact, it wasn’t until late Saturday afternoon that I learned that I had spread misinformation. Due to a new set of signs(indicating the need for quiet to facilitate or respect the “world class support” going on in our midst) at the computer mine, I now have my phone on vibrate all the time and now I never get my calls.

I missed a call from Jen. She called to tell me that the party was at 8, which was super since I told everybody 7, and asked if I would like to carpool with them down to the social event of October. However, I would not be able to reach her at home because she was going shopping. I would not be able to reach her on her cell phone because the battery was dead. Furthermore, I would not be able to reach Derrick on his cell phone because he had left it at home. Therefore I was to call Derrick at work and reveal my answer.

Sara’s party was yet another stunning success. I can’t lie. Sara goes through a dizzying array of Des Moines friends. They usually range from intolerable to “how has this person not been choked to death?” Sara’s party last year was a quick adventure for me. I made it 5 minutes before it was time for me to leave.

However, the current crop of Des Moines friends are keepers. I look forward to seeing them at social engagements in the future. I even learned their names for future reference. Something I’ve never done in the past.

Also, I got to discuss the movie “Once” with Derrick. That was another win for me, because at this time, I really enjoy discussing this movie.

Now might be a good time to discuss the future. Not the important future. Just the future of where some of my money is going to go.

As everybody knows, Tuesday is the day that new movies, CDs, and books get released. This coming Tuesday might be the greatest Tuesday of 2007.

Why?

Two great things are being released on Tuesday. First is Stephen Colbert’s new book “I Am America (And So Can You!)”. Secondly, a new Post Secret book is being released. I can’t wait.

I’m so excited I just think I might embed a video about Post Secret.


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