Category Archives: Christianity

Christianity, Jesse, Work

The Lost Quarter

Yesterday while I was slaving away in the Computer Mine, I came across something curious. While it is true that I frequently come across something curious in the Mine, this seemed to be a different kind of strange.

When I get to come out of the darkness of the mine and out into the light at work, it is frequently related to shipping. The 2 company vending machines are located next to the shipping area. As I was getting ready to ship out a freshly mined credit card reader I noticed a note taped to one of the vending machines:


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I concede that very few people at the Computer Mine are getting filthy rich, but I doubt that anybody that works here is in such dire financial straits that they desperately need that one quarter.

It turns out though that my initial inclinations about this note were wrong. I thought Judy had found an extra quarter in the change slot of the vending machine and taped it up, in case somebody came back looking for their quarter.

In fact, Judy just posted the note because the vending machine had stolen her quarter. Jesse saw this note, went back to his office, grabbed a quarter, went back to the vending machine and taped a quarter to the note.

I guess in the future, any time that gas prices are making me feel pain in my wallet, I’ll just post a note on the vending machine asking for like 50 bucks. Maybe somebody will tape up some cash for me.

Although there has to be an easier way to financial security. If only there was some church out there that would send me a prayer rug that I could use and then fill out exactly how much money I want God to give me and then send them 50 bucks and then God would just give me that money. If only there was something like that out there.

Christianity, Mark

Taiwan Times – December Issue

But the angel said to them: “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you. He is Christ the Lord.”
Luke 2:10-11

Merry Christmas!

At Christmas we remember this good news of great joy. Jesus has been born, and like the angel said this news is for all people. It was not just for the shepherds, or the people in Bethlehem so long ago.It is good news for us today. This message is not just for people in Africa, Korea or Japan. It is for everyone, and it the news that we can share with others, whether we live in Taiwan or America. My prayer is that we will keep this great joy near our lips as we celebrate Christmas.

Friday Night Christmas Celebration

This past Friday was the Christmas celebration at Friday Night Bible Study. It was a great time by everyone, and over 100 people attended. Praise God for this! We started off the night by singing Christmas songs as a large group. We sang traditional favorites including Hark the Herald Angels Sing, O Come All Ye Faithful, Away in a Manger, What Child is This, Joy to the World, and Silent Night. All of them are in English, and have some pretty big words, but everyone sang pretty well. For Silent Night we do sing one verse in Chinese. I know my Chinese is improving because this was the first year I was able to sing the entire song in Chinese.

After the skit we split into 3 groups to go Christmas caroling. I led one of the groups, and was assisted on guitar by Stanley. Stanley is an 8th grade student at Concordia. He has been working really hard to learn guitar, and every week before Friday Night Bible Study he comes a little early to practice. Honestly some of the songs we play might be tough for him, but he is a good sport who tries hard and just goes along with whoever is leading. Christmas caroling is always one of my favorite Christmas activities, especially here in Taiwan. This year was no exception. We stopped at several businesses, including 7-11 and a couple of tea stands. It was a beautiful night and I think everyone had a good time.

Once Christmas caroling was finished everyone came back to the church. We sang Silent Night again, this time by candlelight, and then listened as Andrew read the Christmas account from Luke 2. The evening ended with time to enjoy snacks and chat with friends. It was a wonderful evening, and a great chance for many students to hear the message of God’s love for them.

It’s Prayer Time!

As we close a calendar year, I would like to begin by sharing some praises from the past year. Thank you all for your continued prayer support.

Praise God for a third year of service in Taiwan. The work God has given me here is such a blessing. He has continued to bless my relationships with my students, co-workers, and fellow missionaries.
Praise God for my family and friends back in the U.S. This year I had the chance to meet Hannah, my niece and goddaughter, and celebrate Janelle’s wedding. Everyone is extremely supportive of me and the mission in Taiwan. I could not ask for more, and this work would not be possible without the support of everyone back in America.
Praise God for my health. It has been a really healthy year. Pray that God would continue to be with me as I take care of the body He has given me.
Praise God for my Chinese. I really feel as though I have improved a lot this past year. I have 2 wonderful ladies who teach me at school, Alice and Grace. Pray that God would continue to bless them in all things.
As I look toward the new calendar year, pray that God would bless preparations for a mission trip to Vietnam, which I will be taking in the end of January.

May you all have a Merry Christmas, filled with Christ’s love.
Mark

Art, Christianity, Politics

Bethelehem in 2007

To know me at all is to know that I listen to NPR on the way to work and the way home every day. I was really struck by this story on the way to work this morning. Although I do kind of want to punch the guy who said the last line of the story.

Graffiti Artists Decorate Bethlehem BarrierMorning Edition, December 24, 2007 · This Christmas season, a group of guerrilla graffiti artists have gone to work in Bethlehem, the West Bank city where Christians believe Jesus Christ was born.

Bethlehem’s economy and tourism industry are in tatters. Palestinians blame this on Israeli checkpoints and on Israel’s massive security barrier that now separates Bethlehem from Jerusalem.

This month, international and local artists used parts of that concrete barrier as their canvas.

An artist who calls himself “Sam 3” painted a long black silhouette of a man reclining. Nearby someone painted a giant boxing scene — Jake La Motta and Sugar Ray Robinson slug it out on the concrete. And a little farther down there’s a silhouette of children riding an escalator up and over the wall.

Hassan Salama, an unemployed laborer, walks curiously along a garbage-strewn dirt road in north Bethlehem that hugs Israel’s massive barrier. He looks at a painting of an enormous insect toppling colossal dominoes that resemble the wall itself — and he cracks a slight smile.

“I don’t understand what it means. But I like it!” he says.

Nearby, along a main road leading out of Bethlehem, the British guerrilla graffiti artist who goes by the name “Banksy” has painted a picture of a little girl in a bright pink dress frisking an Israeli soldier. Farther down the road, the elusive artist depicts an Israeli soldier checking the ID of a donkey.

And outside of Maha Sakar’s store, a group of anonymous painters created a white dove, wearing a bulletproof vest, in the cross-hairs of a gun.

“They tell me — don’t tell anybody about their name. And I don’t know exactly,” says Sakar, regarding the identity of the artists.

Sakar, a Christian Palestinian, says some of the art didn’t go over well with locals. She was a little offended by pieces involving donkeys.

But Sakar says she likes much of the work and praises the artists for drawing attention to this downtrodden city.

Unemployment in Bethlehem remains staggeringly high. The West Bank economy is in ruins. Tourism actually has been up some in Bethlehem in the last three months, but is still nowhere near the pre-intifada tourism high, which topped nearly 1 million annual visitors in 2000.

Manger Square, just days before Christmas, is all but empty — the nearby shops idle.

Israeli officials say the West Bank barrier, a 400-plus mile-long mix of cement walls, fencing and barbed wire, is vital to the Jewish state’s security. They say it has thwarted many would-be Palestinian suicide bombers and saved lives.

Palestinians see the barrier as an illegal, unilateral border that has stolen Palestinian land and ruined their economy.

“It’s important for international artists to come to Palestine and express the situation here in their art. And it’s a start. You know we don’t have art galleries in Palestine,” says Palestinian painter and sculptor Souleiman Mansour.

Mansour has several of his pieces in a makeshift exhibit in Manger Square across from the Church of the Nativity. The show, called “Santa’s Ghetto,” is linked to the graffiti art around the city.

Mansour says he’s against using the Israeli barrier as a canvas. “The wall should be used for nothing,” he says, “It should come down.”

But Mansour praises the artists for raising awareness of Bethlehem’s plight.

“The situation here is very strange and contradictory and also absurd,” he says. “And this is heaven for contemporary artists because they deal with these subjects.”

The “Santa’s Ghetto” art show and art auction in Manger Square, proceeds of which go to a children’s charity, runs until Christmas Eve. The graffiti art on the wall and around the city could last far longer.

On his Web site, Banksy encourages people to visit Bethlehem and to explore the art and the politics for themselves.

“If it’s safe enough for a bunch of sissy artists,” Banksy wrote, “then it’s safe enough for anyone.”











Christianity, Derrick, History, Jay, Night, Sara, Shannon

Kentucky Fried Methodist

I’m not sure how the subject came about, but one day I was talking to Shannon and she revealed to me her extreme disdain for the cross on top of her church. I didn’t really know how somebody could dislike a lit up cross on top of a church. I had visions of the cross that adorns the Marion Methodist Church in Boone. A cross that both symbolizes the faith of the followers of the Son of Man and could make a pretty mean bug zapper if Boone was ever to fall prey to a plague of locusts.

Upon further questioning, she revealed that this cross not only lit up, but revolved. On this revelation my mind was flooded with visions of a revolving lit up cross. I was immediately reminded of one thing from my childhood.

There are several things I miss from my childhood. The velvet bull painting in Jack’s Tacos. The train booths at the Hardee’s in North Grand Mall. The airplane booths at the Hardee’s on Duff. The animal tables at Arctic Circle. Not knowing that Ronald McDonald actually lives in Ogden. Getting the special Country Kitchen coins that you could use in their vending machines. Putting down the economic status of another person by referring to their possessions as “Pamida specials”. Among those memories is the old KFC road signs. To the best of my knowledge, the old KFC next to Goeppinger Field never had the sign that I remember. However, somewhere in my youthful travels I remember driving by a KFC that on top of their road sign was a bucket of chicken. This bucket of chicken lit up. This bucket of chicken also revolved. I haven’t seen a functioning, revolving bucket of chicken in years. While I might be permanently denied access to that revolving bucket of chicken, I did have access to a cross that was more than a suitable surrogate.

I tried to convince of the greatness of this cross. How it represented more than most crosses, it represented eternal truth and the beauty of God’s grace and the Colonel’s secret blend of herbs and spices.

She was dismissive of my arguments and stood fast that the revolving cross was “cheesy”. I argued against her elitism, but failed to make a convert.

I told her regardless of her snobbery, I wanted to photograph this rotating cross. Shortly after our discussion fate took a hand. The beautiful cross broke. It didn’t light up. It no longer rotated.

I’m not saying that I believe in telekinesis or auras or crystals or Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster or that inherited wealth hasn’t created a caste system in our country. I’m just saying that when somebody puts off that much negative energy towards something it will tend to break. I offer up my experience with just about every automobile that I have owned. Particularly that 91 Grand Prix. I still hate you!!! So I’m saying that Shannon’s visceral disdain for the rotating cross was a factor in its ceasing to function.

When she delivered the bad news to me about the fallen symbol of the Good News I was not alarmed. I figured that such a thing was considered a local treasure. Certainly the congregation of the “Big House”* would rally around their pride and joy and it would be only a matter of time before it was proudly beaming out its hopeful message in 360 degrees.

Then nothing happened. A week went by. Then a month. Then another month. Then the season changed. Then the season changed again. I was beginning to think that the FUMC of downtown Des Moines didn’t realize what they were missing. What they were failing to protect and nurture.

I was beginning to doubt. I was beginning to lose faith. Not in God, but in the FUMC of Des Moines. What was their deal? Was the whole congregation as dismissive of the now lifeless cross on top of their building as Shannon.

I might not believe in the Tooth Fairy or the Yetti or Ghosts or that some people can afford to have health care choose not to have health care. I do believe in miracles. I don’t believe that God stores up miracles and then just cracks them out around Christmas. I do believe that during Christmas people are more likely to be open to seeing miracles. Due to the fact that people are a little nicer, a little more generous and quite frankly just better people during the holiday season there is something known as the Christmas Miracle.

At 10:41 PM on November 29th, I got my Christmas Miracle. That is when an e-mail from Shannon fluttered across cyberspace and landed in my computer mine e-mail account inbox.

The revolving lit up cross on top of First UMC in downtown Des Moines is working again. I hope that it leads to a good photo opportunity. Otherwise I see it as pointless and cheesy. I mentioned to my pastor that you had a photo opportunity in mind, and he said he’d be interested in seeing the result. So, the ball’s in your court now. Have fun with that!

I joined the Ames Jaycees back in October. I have yet to contribute to the organization in any way, shape or form until last Tuesday. It was on that night that I attended an Ames on the Halfshell committee meeting and apparently became a member of the Band Selection Committee. Before the meeting began, Shannon showed me a copy of her church newsletter that had an article that could have been entitled The Return of Greatness, but the actual title escapes me. The meat of the articles was about how a couple had donated some scratch so that the church could return their cross to all of its glory. The article noted that this return to downtown Des Moines skyline was newsworthy enough to have been covered by at least a couple local stations.

As it turns out, I was planning to be in Beaverdale on Friday night to attend at least the third graduation party for Sara. She has one expensive brain. Beaverdale is just a quick hop, skip and jump a way from downtown Des Moines. I negotiated an abbreviated FNSC with Jay and Willy on Sunday. This worked out well for Jay because he was heading back to Cedar Rapids on Saturday for a family Christmas and a date with destiny on Sunday morning. That tale of destiny is for another time, but it does involved a naked old man and not closing the door when you are using the bathroom.

After a tasty meal and some in-vain-attempts to find a facsimile of Spin Art, I headed down to Sara’s party. The party was a good time. I made visual confirmation of the existence of Todd and Kristal. I had a lengthy conversation with Derrick about man vegetables.

I got to talk about music and Jaycees stuff with Shannon. I got to watch Sara go down to her basement to smoke so her parents didn’t see it. I got to take a ride in Derrick’s new ride. It was a good time.

At about 1:30 or so I left Sara’s and headed towards downtown Des Moines. I found the church at the corner of 10th & Pleasant. Unfortunately, it was snowing and freezing cold. Both of these things are unpleasant for humans, but they are dreadful for cameras. Condensation and just general wetness created all sorts of light flare issues. That is the bad news. The good news is that I was able to scout out the area and make some shots. Once again, nothing is quite what I’m looking for, but the first image is pretty close.

While I was downtown I also checked out some of the river walk. I now just wait for better weather, because I have some new inspiration.


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*”Big House”. The Downtown FUMC houses two separate congregations. There is the one that has always been there. Then there is Shannon’s congregation that originally met in South Ridge Mall. I forget the name of that church, but I think it is The Colony. I do remember that the name is based on Philippians 3:20 – “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ,” She refers to the other congregation as the “Big House”. It never fails to amuse me.

Christianity, Mark

Taiwan Times – November Issue

Here is a copy of Mark’s latest newsletter.


The Taiwan Times
By Mark Wolfram
Reporting on God’s mission in Taiwan
November 2007

Jamming with Jenny

Hello again everyone! While in Taiwan, I have had many chances to play the guitar. On a given week, I usually play guitar for 2 or 3 Bible Studies or fellowships. In addition to playing this semester I have had the chance to help a couple of students as they learn guitar. I am very hesitant to say the words teach, because I don’t really know how to teach guitar. I just kind of learned on my own, started playing songs I was familiar with, and was never too much for the technical side of things. However, I am happy to show students chord charts and play through songs with them.

Every Monday this semester I have been jamming out with Jenny, a Junior 1 (7th grade) student here at Concordia Middle School. Jenny has been very consistent in attending both On-Campus Student Fellowship and Friday Night Bible Study. She is always there eager to participate and learn more about God’s love in Jesus. At both of these Bible Studies, we sing a lot of praise and worship songs. Her desire to learn guitar has grown as she desires to play the songs we sing at OSF and FNBS.

We started back in the first part of September with a couple of repetitive songs with basic chords like C, D, G, and A. Jenny has been a quick learner and since then she has learned about a dozen songs. This afternoon when we practiced, she was able to play a new song on the spot, with obscure chords like Em7 and Dm. She has also began playing as part of the music team for OSF. For the past 3 weeks, she has helped to lead songs for the students who live here at Concordia Middle School. She has talked about in the future helping to play at Friday Night Bible Study as well. Praise God for Jenny and her willingness to use the talents God has given her to praise and glorify Him. I am very thankful for the opportunity to work with someone so eager to learn about God’s love and sing songs of praise.

It’s Prayer Time!

Here are the prayer requests. As always we lift these up according to the will of God, praying for Him to be glorified through everything.

  1. Pray that God would continue to increase my trust in Him, in all things.
  2. Pray that God would give me energy, strength, and passion to continue to serve Him to the best of my ability in my teaching and relationships here in Taiwan.
  3. Pray for my continued learning of Chinese. Pray that God would help me to continue to improve, and that I can use my knowledge of the language to bring glory to Him.
  4. Pray for Salvation Lutheran Church, as we do not have a Pastor at this time. Pray that God would prepare the people and future Pastor for work together in the kingdom.
  5. Pray for my students that I will be teaching this year. Pray especially for my Advanced English students. I do not have Bible class with them, but pray that Christ’s love may be present in all that I do, and that I would seek opportunities to meaningfully share the Gospel with those kids.

May God’s peace, love and joy be with you all, Mark
 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:1-2

Christianity, Mark

Mark’s September Newsletter

Here is a copy of Mark’s September newsletter from Taiwan.

Start of a New School Year:

A Recap

Hi everybody!

I know it has been a while since I have written, and this newsletter comes after a much needed break in America, and then a quick start to the school year. It is hard to believe that it is already nearing the end of September.

I would like to use this newsletter with as a quick reminder of the ministry that I have going on here in Taiwan. I live on the Campus of Concordia Middle School in Min Hsiung, Taiwan. My primary ministry is to serve as an English and Bible teacher here at CMS. This year I will be teaching 2 grade levels. The first is Junior 1 (7th graders). I teach 3 classes of kids 2 times a week, once for Bible and once for English conversation. The conversation class is new this year, but has been a real blessing so far, and I will have to spend more time on that in a future newsletter.

The other grade I teach is Senior 1 (10th graders). I teach 6 Senior 1 classes, twice a week. Each class I see one time for Bible class and one time for English writing. In addition to these Senior 1 classes, I am again teaching the Senior 1 Advanced English class. I see these 33 students twice a week. In this class we read and discuss English novels. Our first one this year will be Bridge to Terabithia.

I have several other ministries that I help with on the campus of Concordia Middle School. Every Tuesday morning I lead a small group for 8th grade students. We meet from 7:30-8:15 and sing a couple of songs, talk about the Bible and share thoughts or feelings with each other. In addition to this, I help with a Thursday evening Fellowship Group for students that live at school. The English name for this group is On-Campus Student Fellowship (OSF). This fellowship time is used to play games, talk about God, sing songs, eat snacks, and grow closer as a group of students who live at the school.

Outside of school there are a several other ministries that I help with. Every Wednesday night I help with a Bible study in Chia-Yi City (which is about a 20 minute scooter drive from Concordia). This Bible Study has been a real blessing so far this semester. It started about a year and a half ago. Last March it was down to 2 members who attended, both of whom were members of that church. There were 2 other missionaries who attended that Bible Study with me, and we debated about stopping it for a while, until there was a need again to continue a study at this church. It started to pick up in attendance, but remained a small group of about 4-5 people attending for the rest of last spring. This August has brought great blessings from the Lord. The group has had 23 people attend the last 2 weeks, and every week attendance has been in the teens. Praise God for the growth of this group, and continue to pray that He will guide it and bring more students eager to here about His love.

In addition to this Bible Study, I help at Salvation Lutheran Church, which is my church home here in Taiwan. At Salvation, I help with a Friday Night Bible Study which meets every week from 7:30-9:30. We sing songs, have 4 English Bible classes, and then have snack and fellowship time. There are usually about 40-50 students who attend FNBS, and it has been one of my highlights of my time here in Taiwan.

I am also helping out this year with the Salvation Lutheran Church Youth Group. This group is comprised mostly of Jr. High and High School students from Chia-Yi City. The Youth Group is currently in a state of transition, as Salvation does not have a Pastor, and the old Pastor (Pastor Lio) was the leader of the Youth Group. Pray that God would bless this group in its transition, and that He would build it even stronger than it was before.

Well, I know this is quite a bit of information. I look forward to sharing specifics about these ministries in future newsletters. If there is something specific you would like me to share about in a future newsletter, please do not hesitate ask me.

If you want to learn more about my mission work, I would encourage you to check out my online blog. I am going to try to update this online journal 2 or 3 times a month this year. The address will appear at the bottom of this newsletter.

It’s Prayer Time!

Here are the prayer requests. As always we lift these up according to the will of God, praying for Him to be glorified through everything.

  1. Pray that God would be with all of the ministries I described above. Pray that God would give me wisdom and discernment in how to best use my time and gifts that He has given me.
  2. Pray for the new missionaries: Ray, Heidi, and Matthew. Pray that God would help them to get adjusted to the culture and that He would give them opportunities to share His love and word with the Taiwanese people.
  3. Pray for my continued learning of Chinese. Pray that God would help me to continue to improve, and that I can use my knowledge of the language to bring glory to Him.
  4. Pray for Salvation Lutheran Church, as we do not have a Pastor at this time. Pray that God would prepare the people and future Pastor for work together in the kingdom.
  5. Pray for my students that I will be teaching this year. Pray that God would bless my relationships with them, and help me to boldly share Christ’s love through my words and actions.

It is great to be back on the field. I absolutely love serving out here in Taiwan. It provides wonderful opportunities to share the love of Jesus. While I serve as an overseas missionary, I also recognize that there is much work to be done back in America. While home in August, I had a wonderful conversation with one of my teachers from high school. We talked about sharing Jesus with people throughout the world, but also talked about how many people back in America need to hear of God’s love. She commented on how difficult life must be without the support from Jesus, our foundation. These words are so true. Christ gives us strength, hope, peace, and joy in this life, and the promise of a home in heaven. This is great news that we can share with people everywhere, even in our home towns and at our jobs. May God give you all the strength to boldly proclaim His love wherever you may be, overseas or in America.

God’s peace,

Mark

Bowling, Christianity, Lowell, Nader

Two Stories from the Last Two Days

I have two brief experiences from the last two days to share.

Nader’s 20th Anniversary

This past Friday marked the 20th anniversary of Nader’s arrival to these United States of America. There is a Lutheran church in Gilbert that sponsored Nader’s immigration. They invited him to attend the church service on Sunday to help celebrate the anniversary.

Nader called me and asked me to give him a ride to Gilbert and sit with him in church for this celebration. I knew I would be sad to miss my personal church service, but I figured it would be a good chance to experience a Lutheran church service. That isn’t something I’ve been exactly hankering to do, but I do kind of want to go to a Quaker service sometime.

It turns out that they had forgotten that they had invited Nader to church and were mostly confused by his presence until he explained to them why he was there. They apologized and were embarrassed and promised to have Nader back up for a proper celebration soon.

We sat down in the very back row of what looked like a very new sanctuary. However, the new digs did not translate into comfortable pews. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced such uncomfortable pews. Perhaps the pews in the Lutheran church up in Boxholm are close, but not quite as bad as these.

I don’t want to bash the Lutherans because religious intolerance isn’t my bag. I will just say that the service wasn’t very exciting. About halfway through the service I looked over at Nader and saw that he had fallen asleep.

I was impressed. I have known that his capacity for dozing off during a boring movie is unprecedented, but I didn’t know it would translate to the ability to fall asleep during church. Especially in the world’s most uncomfortable pews.

I can’t blame Nader for falling asleep. He isn’t Christian. I’m not sure he has even been to a church service since before the Islamic Revolution. (Before the fall of the Shah it was okay for Muslims to attend a Christian church service. After the fall of the Shah it was a punishable offense.) The service wasn’t all that compelling. I decided to let him sleep and envied him slightly.

The Pastor began the sermon and Nader still slept. The sermon was on the parable of “The Prodigal Son”. Nader still slept. The Pastor tied the parable in with the accepting of new people. Then he referenced Nader. Everybody in the sanctuary looked at Nader. He was blissfully unaware in a state of sleep as his closed eyes pointed towards the ceiling.

After everybody looked back to the front of the sanctuary I gave Nader a shove to wake him up.

“The Pastor just mentioned you in the sermon and everybody stared at you while you were sleeping.”

“They’ll just think I was reading the program.”

“Except your program wasn’t on the ceiling.”

At the front of the sanctuary they were preparing for the sacrament of Communion.

Nader asked, “Is this about over?”

“It looks like they are doing Communion. We could be here awhile.”

“Want to sneak out?”

In reality I did want to sneak out, but I knew that Nader still had to meet with the Pastor after the service to discuss his 20th anniversary celebration.

“No, we better stay. Just don’t fall asleep again.”

Another High Quality Bowling Memory

My Monday night bowling league has started up again. I’m not particularly possessive of this league, it is merely the league that I am in. I’m not a good bowler nor do I even have a passion for the game. It is something to do with Jim and I get more than enough residual entertainment out of these nights to make it worth the effort.

Last year we had a pretty good team. We finished third in the league. However at the end of the season two of the people from the team decided to move on. I actually figured this might be the end of my bowling career. I was okay with that. I would walk away with my lowest career average, but also my highest team finish.

Jim asked me if we found a couple other guys if I would be interested in continuing. I considered the options and decided I would continue if given the opportunity. However, despite being down two guys, neither one of us did any recruiting. We decided just to tell Darryl (The Lord of the Imperial Lanes) just to give us any two guys that walked in the door. We would make them champions.

Truthfully we never claimed that we would make them champions, but we really said that we would take any two guys. Now I’m not saying that Darryl gave us the dregs of society. He didn’t. These two guys seem perfectly nice. However, they aren’t what I would say that I normally look for in a companion. Perhaps that makes me an elitist, but I can handle that label just fine.

For starters, I spent almost the first week after the first night of bowling half convinced that one of them was a murderer. I couldn’t quite remember how I knew him or his name, but I was half convinced he was a guy that murdered somebody back when I was at dear old BHS.

It turns out after some crack detective work by Lowell that he isn’t a murderer. He was just friends with the murderer.

Then during the second week of bowling one of the bowling alley employees called me over for a private conversation. She wanted me to tell the two new guys on my team that they need to improve their hygiene because they were stinking up the joint.

By their physical appearance, I would have guessed that she was probably right, but as soon as I walk into the cancer factory known as Imperial Lanes, my olfactory nerves call it a night and I can’t smell anything.

Last night was the third week of bowling. One of the new guys didn’t show up. However, the other new guy did show up and he brought a friend. Around the end of the first game, I heard the following conversation. I’m cleaning up the language and leaving vast amounts of details out just because I don’t need to relive them.

“This sucks.”

“What sucks?”

“I have to get rid of the porn on my phone.”

“That does suck. Why would you have to do something like that?”

“My kid was playing with my phone and he found the porn.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah, I know. Plus some of that was really good stuff.”

“Like that one where that girl [CENSORED].”

“I know I love the one where the girl [CENSORED] is awesome.”

I’m not what you would call an “expert” on pornography. So I was quite surprised that you could even download porn to your phone. I haven’t quite figured out what the practical purpose of having pornography on your phone would be. If anybody out there knows what it is, keep it to yourself.

Becca, Christianity, Contests, Derrick, Eric, Faust, FNSC, Frank, Jay, Jen, Jesse, Mark, Monica, Movies, Music, Nate, Politics, Road Trip, Robert, Shannon, Steph, Steve, Willy, Work, Writing

Time to Come Clean

Over the last week I have had to face a couple of hard truths. The first truth is that the Pope isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. Or perhaps I’m wrong and during this time of religious bickering, it was a smart thing to piss off Jews and Protestants and unify them against him and the Catholic Church.

The second truth I’ve had to face is that I’m not going to finish my 14 part blog. Or at least not any time soon. So I’m going to break the silence on the things of done since May 19th. So these are the things I’ve done since that day, in no particular order:

I’ve went to the following movies:

Pirates 3 – Very disappointing ending.
Oceans 13 – Better than Oceans 12, but what wasn’t?
Ratatouille – Easily the best movie of the year thus far.
A Mighty Heart – Not as good as I had hoped.
Waitress – Also not as good as I had hoped and the doctor gets off way too easily.
Transformers – Easily one of the worst movies I have ever seen. What passes for wit in this loserfest is the racial stereotype transformer tells Megatron “You want a piece of me?” Megatron rips the racial stereotype Autobot in half and says “No, I want two pieces.” This movie is even bad by Michael Bay standards.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix – A lot more fulfilling if you have read the book, other wise many sequences are just confusing.
I talked to and shook hands with Barack Obama and told him about my job.
I helped set a sales record for Little White Lye Soap.
Walked a few laps with Willy at Relay for Life. He walked 31 miles.
Went to the 2nd oldest restaurant in Iowa (Stone’s) with Jay.

Had lunch with Faust in Mankato.
Visited the National Hobo Museum.
Took pictures of flowers.
Saw Buddy Guy in concert with Derrick and Jen.
Turned in my photo entries for the State Fair.
Attended a birthday party for Jen.
Took the Henning family picture.
Watched K-Dawg’s team get smoked by Jefferson in the Little League tournament one day and come back to do the smoking a few days later to advance to the state tournament.
Took Jesse to the emergency room.
Bought a sweet new monitor for my home computer. (I’m not normally one to brag about my consumer tendencies, but I really love this monitor.)
Watched Killdeer lay on eggs and the eggs hatch a few days later.
Went to the wedding of Mr. and Mrs. Brian Beavers.
Saw the world’s largest strawberry.
Saw the world’s largest bullhead.
Saw the Jolly Green Giant.
Despite have to walk a half mile due to a guy’s gastronomical difficulties, watched Willy complete the 5K at Midnight Madness.
Had lunch with Mark before he returns to Taiwan.
Went to Backbone State Park with Shannon.
Helped Stephanie pick out a camera for work.
Went to the State Center Rose Garden with Jay.
Attempted and failed to make Mentos/Diet Coke rockets with Eric.
Took pictures of the “844”.
Enjoyed several Friday Night Supper Clubs with Jay and Willy.
Enjoyed several New Taste Tuesdays with Frank, Jesse, and Steve.
Went to the Company picnic. Seemed like people were actually excited to see me.
Drove to Minnesota to see Nate and watch Harry Potter.
Watched a slide show of pictures from Willy’s trip to Spain.
Attended a pretty sweet Memorial Day barbecue.
Set up a new squirrel feeder and two new bird feeders.
Changed the oil in my car. (personal reminder, change oil again at 161,000 miles)
Helped make soap.
It is most likely I did more than that, but that is all that comed to my head at this time, with one exception. One major exception.
I went to the Des Moines Arts Festival with Rebecca and Jay. I would have to say first and foremost, what a dog that was. What a major disappointment.

However, it did inspire me to put together the blog that I will hopefully post on the morrow. I can’t say that it is a good blog. In fact, it is probably the type of blog that makes one lose friends and gain enemies. It is the type of blog that may make people stop returning my e-mails or phone calls. The type of blog that may make people move to the other side of the street if they see me walking down the street. It frankly might be a subject that will make some people uncomfortable. Yet, that is for tomorrow.